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Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

308 replies

allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 11:55

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

OP posts:

allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 11:57

Forgot to say the flat comes with fridge, washer/dryer/cooker :)

OP posts:

BabetteAteOatmeal · 11/06/2013 12:00

Personally I wouldn't be judgey about furniture, some people are minimalist, some like clutter! I assume you have toys, books etc. for the toddler though - that would be my expectation if inviting another child to play. Re explaining it, you don't really have to, but what's wrong with how you explained here - three sentences?


RubyrooUK · 11/06/2013 12:01

I wouldn't judge you. Mainly I am fascinated and amazed by non-hoarders so I'd love to hear about your five year plan and offer to lend you anything you needed that you didn't want permanently if we had it.

I would think you were very disciplined and sensible. The only thing I guess I really wouldn't be able to cut down on is books for my DS, also two. He needs them to keep him occupied. But if you joined a library, you could achieve that anyway.

So, no, I would be impressed in the main!


wonderingsoul · 11/06/2013 12:02

the only thing i would maybe judge would be the mattesses with n o bed. .. purely becasue iv had to use just a mattesses for a year and its just not comffy. a single bed , at least for the children isnt going to cost a bump and your need one any way.

other then that. no, what do i care how y ou funish your place.


CashmereHoodlum · 11/06/2013 12:02

I would admire them! We have an odd sort of hotch potch of furniture, but too much of it. I too have noticed that everyone I visit seems to have immaculate matching furniture and everything very coordinated, but my place has never and will never be like that. The people I have over are not the sort of people who would judge on the appearance of my house. I'm sure there are loads who would, but I wouldn't naturally be drawn to them as friends, so it isn't an issue.


Bearbehind · 11/06/2013 12:04

I would be surprised if I visited tbh. Are you saying the only choice of seat you have are 2 chairs (desk chairs not arm chairs) or a bean bag and you only have a mattress- not a bed?

I really wouldn't want to live so frugally and basicly even in the short term.

I know it's wrong but I'd probably think the bailiffs had been round to your house!


Elquota · 11/06/2013 12:04

No I wouldn't judge you at all. Your home, your choice.

But I wouldn't like to listen to a long tale about how you were getting ahead financially. I'd find it rather smug.


Elquota · 11/06/2013 12:07

I know you're not planning to go into detail of your 5-year plan anyway, but I think you don't need to explain at all. If anything just say you'll probably be moving quite soon so don't want to have too much stuff. But don't talk about your "plan".


allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 12:07

Oh yes forgot to say the one thing we haven't minimized is toys and stuff for ds. It is basically an empty flat with a toys :)

He is of an age where he outgrows things quickly and we buy second hand and sell on when he loses interests (and will sell the larger toys on when we move next).

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 11/06/2013 12:08

also what happens when youv got a head finacially? .. just look at it.. pour it into your dream house with no funiture in it.?

or buy funiture then?

if i had the choice of not being picky i would save till i found a solid bit of funiture that i loved, that would last and slowly increase my funiture amount.


AnaisB · 11/06/2013 12:09

I would notice, but I wouldn't judge you. I would think it was unusual. Obviously, you don't HAVE to explain anything, but if you said "we're buying as little furniture as possible at the moment as we keep moving," I would think nothing more of it.


allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 12:11

Elquota yes I wouldnt like to mention the real reasons why we are living like this, as it is dull (and most likely smug) which is why I would like some suggestions of how to explain/excuse it etc

I dont really like saying we are going to move soon as people might not be bothered investing in friendships if they know we wont be around long and I dont think that is fair on ds :(

OP posts:

bedmonster · 11/06/2013 12:12

I'd probably judge you to be poor students if you slept on mattresses on the floor and had beanbags, but if you were nice I wouldn't give a toss!


allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 12:13

bearbehind yes we only have 3 'sitting-items' (2 chairs and a beanbag) so I wouldnt invite more than 2 people around.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 11/06/2013 12:15

if you have people in your life that judge you then tbh would you want them in your flat


allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 12:15

wonderingsoul yes the moment we have moved permanently to our new home we will most certainly be buying some furniture, definitely a sofa! That is what I miss the most.

Also beds and a dining table and chairs.

That is all I think you really need as long as you have built in shelving/cupboards.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 11/06/2013 12:16

I know it sounds harsh but if you are only planning to stay where you are for a year I wouldn't invite people round.

I wouldn't want to be 'that couple who lived in an empty flat then disappeared after a year'.

I know it's superficial.


TwasBrillig · 11/06/2013 12:17

I'd personally be tempted to buy v cheaply things you can take with you (ie Ikea trofast can be used in the sitting room now, but used in children's room or shed when moved) or use freecycle, charity shops etc. Honestly it isn't difficult to get rid of things at the end. We moved with a months notice and easily free cycled most of our possessions in a week!


allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 12:17

And yes wondering we are saving to buy this furniture good quality.

OP posts:

Jan49 · 11/06/2013 12:17

I wouldn't judge you for having little furniture. I'd be concerned if the child is sleeping longterm on a mattress on the floor, not a bed.

I once visited friends overnight who had a 2 y.o. and I did judge them for having only 1 toy for their child in the house. I wouldn't have judged them if they were poor but I knew them well enough to know that wasn't the case so it was very odd. We had our own child and luckily had some toys with us. Otherwise it would have been hard to keep our child entertained.

I don't think there's any need to explain your 5 year plan if you don't want to, and most people probably won't ask.


TwasBrillig · 11/06/2013 12:18

I think you need something comfy to sit on if you invite someone around. A charity shop sofa won't cost much, or ask on freecycle etc.


sweetestcup · 11/06/2013 12:18

Well I would find it odd if that's what you mean by judge, I do understand we are all different and its purely because I wouldn't like to live like that. Would having a bed really be too much for example, just curious!


ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 11/06/2013 12:19

I would notice (who wouldn't?!) and I would probably watch for signs that you were OK (as in not struggling to feed yourselves or heat your home) just to make sure, that as my new friend, you were OK.

I'd love to hear about your plan though :)


bigkidsdidit · 11/06/2013 12:19

No, but would there be somewhere for me to sit?! That would be a bit odd.

Explain it as you have here :)


TwasBrillig · 11/06/2013 12:19

I also think you need a bed for your child. If it was a case of being broke your hv could help, as it isn't surely you can buy cheap and pass on?

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