Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

[allinsunshine]

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

Unless I'm missing something, it seems a a little strange to me. I completely understand that if you are moving around a lot, it is an added stress/expense to get rid of furniture or take it with you. However, as others have said, when you can acquire things so cheaply (or even for free), why would you live in such a sparse environment?! You can probably pick things like a small tabke and chairs from Freecycle or a charity shop for next to nothing and I do honestly think that your child would benefit from this (as someone else said, sitting round a table together for meals is, IMO, very important for children)

I hate clutter and having moved around a lot myself (including overseas), have got quite used to not collecting lots of furntiture. But it's not as if you are moving every week - thirty quid for a table from Ikea isn't too much to ask surely.

Hopefully no-one would be impolite enough to ask, so you won't have to "explain". But if they do, just say it's what you prefer, and change the subject.

What a load of rubbish.

If your house is clean and tidy and you sleep in the same conditions as your child then no its not an issue and you don't need to buy a poxy bed.

It would be a problem if the child had no clean bedding the room the mattress was in was unsuitable for a child ( by that I mean crap like broken lawn mowers tools and things being stored in it) poo up the walls that type of thing and you had a perfectly lovely nice room for you.

People don't need most of the stuff they have, people like stuff and the collection of stuff mostly because they like to have other people admire there stuff or the apparent taste the picker shows by picking the stuff but you don't really need most of it.

The accumulation of stuff on the great scale of life is not important if you don't want it to be pick at leasure in your own good time and when you can afford the stuff you actually really want rather than the stuff you think you need.

One day you will get to a very old age and you may think I wish I had visited xyz lived at xyz or met xyz but you sure as shit will never think oh god I wish that I brought an ikea sofa back in 2013 ( other furniture shops available)

If anybody judges you its because they are yet to work out what you really need in life and nobody sensible would even bat an eyelid as long as what you do have is clean your child is loved and cared for has stuff to play with and is happy.

I don't think it matters if you're moving internationally. You can get rid of everything in 2 days on freecycle.

OP, I suspect that maybe what's going on, is that in order to cope with whatever sacrifices are required in these next five years, you are sort of constructing this 'alternative lifestyle' as a coping mechanism.

You say in your OP that you could easily get cheap furniture but you can't face the chore of getting rid of it -- a process that, honestly, takes almost no time and is very easy. Most people would rather have a sofa for a year and spend a tiny amount of time getting rid of it, than go without.

It's your choice, I wouldn't judge you for that particular choice, but it would make me worry that you are sort of approaching your plan ideologically instead of practically, if you see what I mean.

I would probably think you where poor and feel sorry for you.

I'd think it was brilliant and be slightly envious!

I would, as another poster mentioned, kind of keep an eye out to check you weren't really really impoverished and in need of food/ heat etc.

What's wrong with a mattress on the floor (genuine question)

When DD was born we all slept on double mattress on floor so it was safe if she fell out.

Now DD has a mattress on the floor in her room for the same reason although she still sleeps on with us

I asked on MN at the time if this was an issue as I has always thought mattresses should be ventilated underneath. MN unanimously told me not to be daft. As no one releases that much water vapour in a solely downwards direction.

I have a crappy house, crap furniture, its always a mess - we have very little money and our financial plan for the next five years - keeping our heads above water - would you judge us?

Say that you are a modern art work.

I feel sorry for your son.

How is he expected to cope going from the first 6 or 7 years of his life sleeping on the floor and not eating at a table etc, to suddenly living in a 'dream home'?

I am intrigued too - seems fascinating. I can't decide how I'd react but know that anyone I invite into my home I would know well enough not to judge me for my interior design choices.

Can you tell us more about your 5 year plan?

I'd invite people around and explain that you'll be moving soon. In an expat environment people are used to the idea that people will be moving on.

I have a friend who has no clutter at all, she has minimal furniture - she says they live like students because she hates housework - i like her house, its a sea of calm

I'd be a bit surprised by the absence of a sofa and a dining table, but no, I wouldn't judge a person I like.

especially a person I like, I meant.

Doesn't sound too comfortable tho ... I'm big on comfort tbh, home is where I put my feet up and relax and you dont need to spend a fortune. 2nd hand sofa's are cheap and if u don't buy a huge one, easy to move. And a decent bedbase is a must and again, cheap as chips.. but each to their own. Its about priorities. Some people spend a fortune on gadgets, some people spend it on their home furnishings.... etc etc

Sounds great.

Why is a bed better than a mattress? Surely it's the mattress and bedding with make the comfort. The bed frame just brings to a higher height. Japanese society sleep on mats quiet happily without being judged.

I def wouldn't want keep buying cheap then getting rid of 11 months later.

Op - as a idea for table I would use a cardboard box ( strong that you can fill with anything you aren't using and as packing when leaving), and cover with a sheet/ table cloth and use cushions to sit on around. Like a Japanese low table.

I would also invite whoever you like around. Just say exactly what you've said on here and positive point lots of space for kids to play.

I wouldn't judge. I've been a poor student (no bank of mum or dad for me) and so have a lot of my friends.
In fact, we live like students now, only with money.
I wouldn't really be that interested in why. I don't think a bed frame, dining table, sofas are essential in the slightest, as long as you and your family are comfy and happy.
All this "the family must eat together" nonsense has never been done in our house, and we are all perfectly happy and stable. We have never had a dining table.
Have your house how YOU bloody well want it, and leave the judges to mutter and fondle their chintz.

I'm all for minimalism, but I do think your child should be sleeping in a bed.
I'm quite happy to be corrected by an orthopaedic surgeon, but I would imagine growing bones and backs need some proper support? 5 years is a long time to be without what would generally be regarded as basic necessities?
Unless you are on the bones of your arse financially, I don't see how a bed, sofa and table will make that much of an impact in freight charges if the rest of your life is very simple.

Not having a table doesn't mean not eating together. I think it sounds absolutely fine. My youngest still sleeps on a mattress. We don't have a car, so getting rid of stuff is a pain, and I think not getting stuff you don't need is a good idea. People have too much stuff anyway.

If you mentioned moving soon I would accept your arrangements 100% with no further thought given. If you omitted that point though then if I am honest then yes I would think it very odd. I would probably think you had big debt or money problems or that the bailiffs had recently been.

It is true you could get ds a bed and two Kipplan ikea sofas all for under £300. It would be a more comfortable existence for you all.

We moved overseas 4 years ago with only 2 suitcases, 2 boxes, 2 bikes and a guitar. We've slowly built up our furniture and have 2 children now so acquiring more stuff on a daily basis it feels like. Due to my husband's work we've moved 5 times within those 4 years but while we've had minimal furniture we've always made sure we had a sofa and a dining table and chairs. I wouldn't go without the things I missed in case it was a hassle to get rid of them sometime down the line.