Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

[allinsunshine]

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

I don't think we are the sort of family to eat at a table together even when ds gets older. I don't see that happening often at all. Do people really do that when their children get older?

I love eating at a table and chatting with DH and our children (5 & 9). A table is also handy for drawing and painting as your DS gets older.

I wouldn't worry so much about the beds. DH is North African and quite a few of his family sleep on mattresses on the floor. I suspect a fair number of the worlds population sleep on the floor without any adverse effects.

chaz did you sit at the table to eat pre-dc?

I would also like a table to put things on, or clutter up :)

But I do question the whole live For the future with no regard for the present tbh. Who knows what will be happening in your lives, relationships etc in three yrs. I'd be concentratinga bit more on the time you're living in ie now, while still saving.

that.. i agree with. its great you have a dream, but i dont see how its godo for any of you to put your life/comfort on hold untill then. you can get free sofas and tables and beds.

moving sucks, but you know what thats what comes along with l ife. i dont see how packing up a bed, table and sofa is really that hard.

the matterise thing, the rolling of to get up isnt the best, and plus. beds are supposed to be for relaxing and recharging. its seems mean to say ok son. you have to wait 5 years before you can have a proper bed. till then your ont he floor becasue we want to save £50 and cant be assed to take it with us when we move. you can pick up toddler beds for £50 or less.

i just think your living in the furture and forgetting about the preseant and near future.

thats said. if i met you and liked you it wouldnt stop me from wanting to hang out with you.

Not so much because DH was working shifts. However, we both come from families where sitting down for a meal together is the norm (although we are both from different cultures) so we have reproduced that with the children. I think its a good habit which becomes more beneficial as the children get older and in a couple of years might be the one of the few times my sons talk to me once they are teenagers.

I wouldn't judge as it sounds pretty much the same as when we were first starting out. For us it was being skint though, not part of a greater plan. . So perhaps some will wrongfully assume you are skint.

As for the meals my dc are 21 18 and 9 and apart from ds1 who has practically left home now, we have/ still all sit down for family meals as often as we can. Sometimes we all wait until the last one comes home before we eat. So yes people still do this when dc are older, and for some like us, its the most important part of the day.

I think you should consider the beds, especially for dc. They shouldn't cost too much and obviously don't take any more space than the mattress does. Also would second obviously having toys, books and materials for dc to play, but apart from that I don't see a problem.

Some may think it odd if you invite them and there is nowhere to sit, and I think I'd be more inclined not to invite people if I couldn't accommodate them. I don't think your idea is bad though and your 5 year plan will obviously benefit from this, as you sound as though it is ll well thought out.

sunshine I'm find the comments about mattresses on the floor hilarious because I grew up my whole life sleeping on a futon on the floor - we all did in my family. We sometimes had tatami mats underneath but generally straight onto the carpet. They were then rolled up in the mornings. (I've only slept in a "real" bed since my SPD when pregnant with DS made it hard for me to get up off the floor.)

I do think a dining table is really valuable though - at the moment DS eats in his high chair in the kitchen in the evenings but DH and I always sit down together, even if one of us is working late we generally wait for each other (unless it's past 10pm). On weekends we always eat with DS at the table.

Also it's somewhere to do homework together, to read together, do crafts...not just family meals.

It doesn't need to be fancy, a gate-leg that folds is perfect, or a low table where you sit around it on the floor on cushions like I grew up with.

Would anybody negatively judge John Pawson, high priest of minimal architecture and design?

Why didn't you just rent a furnished flat?

I wouldn't think twice about it. We have very little in our house. We have beds and 2 sofas etc but we don't have stuff put away in the attic or anything. Honestly I think it would take me 2.5 hours to pack up our house.

I have a small dining table and 4 chairs - they're are 5 of us! We very rarely eat in our house all together. My husband works shifts, the kids are small and I don't eat dinner with them. I sit with them but don't eat. We all descend on my Mums twice a week with all manner of distant relatives.

We mainly use our kitchen table for homework and you're a long way off that

I couldn't sleep on a mattress on the floor but that's because I'm too old and stiff and quite possibly wouldn't be able to get up again

I know 2 bigger families who lived in mobile homes whilst they were building their own houses.

I have no problem with sleeping on a mattress. My youngest currently has a mattress on the floor, and I actually wish I'd got rid of my bed when I was pregnant and had a big family bed made up of mattresses side by side. I would also be fine with no sofa, but maybe a big heap of cushions - I tend to sit on the floor even when a sofa is available. I would miss having somewhere to sit and eat together. a coffee table with cushions would be perfect, but I would probably settle for a tablecloth on the floor with cushions to sit on. But from reading threads on here, lots of people who have tables rarely eat at them, so if you wouldn't use one anyway, there doesn't seem to be much point on buying one.

A mattress on the floor can get damp underneath, which is why futons are hung up in the day. A bedfame is a good idea - they were invented to prevent the damp, not to look good!

Bloody hell burberry that's crazy that they even responded to that,I'm guessing for them to express an issue over it it was a student or newly qualified one who took the fact sheets just a bit to seriously.

I lived like this for a few years as we were living abroad in a few places and only left the uk with two suitcases.....i found if draining tbh, inviting people around never seemed a possibility and I was always aware that I'd be a lot happier with my own stuff rather than other people's tat.

My husband promised me that we'd not move again unless we look all our stuff with us. So I wouldn't judge but I think it's an unnecessary denial of comfort.

OP -- just to address your question re moving around and friendships...

As an expat myself, I do understand your concern. It personally wouldn't put me off if I knew you were moving soon, because plans can always change, and anyway it's possible to become quite good friends in a year and keep in touch on FB and what have you. I have friends scattered all over the world, it's lovely.

But, I can also understand why people wouldn't want to put the effort in -- people are busy, they need to prioritise socialising, etc.

Part of the reason I think it would be good to make your flat a bit more inviting (at least get a couple more chairs in, so you can invite more than 2 people!) is that a good strategy might be to invite a few people at the same time. That way, even if they're not sure about how much to invest in you, they will still come because there are other people there they know will be around longer.

Also, don't say 'we're only here for a year', say something like 'we'll be here at least a year, we're not entirely sure after that'.

Are there any expats where you live now? They will not be fazed about your leaving soon and might be happy to meet some non-expats.

And you are right not to worry too much about moving around while DS is small -- they are very adaptable.

The first time I went to our local auction room I was astouded how cheaply really nice furniture went for, £10 table and 4 chairs, £5 newish sofa etc.
I personally could not live without a sfa or a table and I think the little one should have a proper bed.
Whatever the state of your floors matresses on floors are not very healthy, damp issues!

i would assume you liked the minimalist look

if you all seemed healthy and happy what is their for others to worry about

ds slept on a mattress on the floor for about 6 months. we were going to move and i thought it better to wait until we had before getting a bed

what is wrong with a mattress on the floor anyway

I personally find people that are doing things differently from the norm, interesting and thought provoking.
But yes, I do think some might choose not to come for return visits. But that can happen with anyone.
But if the children got on, that might not be an issue anyway.

Mattresses on the floor are unhealthy, they need air circulation around them to dry out properly
Also where are you storing clothes and toys?

I guess I did mention the table based on my own cultural experiences, I grew up eating at the table, and most nights me and 8yr old DS eat at the table together, the odd night we eat sat on the sofa. It's nice to sit together and I am confident in his table manners and that he will sit nicely at other tables eg at school, in other people's houses, and in restaurants or cafes.

Even if you don't all eat together, we live in a culture where it is expected that we eat at a table. Will your DS start preschool and then primary school not having eaten at a table? Or is he in childcare while you are at work and they sit the kids at a table together there?

no.i judge on character,things one does/says. not their home
I could never be lovely and minimal with solitary object d'art at home
too much sentimentality and guddle in mine

OP - you asked us what we thought so people are telling you.
If we came round we would probably keep our thoughts to ourselves.

Yes - as you have asked- I think the mattresses on the floor thing is odd unless you are students, Japanese or have back problems - but as a casual visitor I would not expect to be inspecting your bedrooms!

I would be a bit unhappy if I had to sit on a beanbag though!!

I think you're over thinking this,it's play dates,casual acquaintance
at 2yo most others mums just grateful for playmate and adult pal
don't sweat it

I wouldn't mind as long as you didn't make me sit on the beanbag. As I'm old and wouldn't be able to get back up.

look there is nothing wrong with a mattress and no bed base! Have done it myself many years ago out of necessity. So, are people who take kids camping on only a blow up bed or even just a mat, being neglectful?