Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

[allinsunshine]

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

We cant take much with us on our moves as some are international/large distances and the freight is very high.

I will look into freecycle for a bed for ds and get rid of it well before we are due to move.

And I wont be inviting anyone around! You have all scared me!

Can I ask why you don't rent a furnished place? This is what they are for - renting when you don't to buy too much furniture as you're moving on fairly quickly. It really isn't much more to rent furnished than unfurnished.

Joy is not to be found in possessions. There's a big difference between discomfort and minimalism. I find much of my furniture a burden. I don't like hoovering the sofas and would much prefer to sit on a foam bean bag which I could move from room to room as the mood takes me. The more furniture you have, the more inflexible your house becomes.

With fewer possessions, there will be less tidying, less cleaning and you will have more time and less stress in your lives. More time for joyful living.

I don't think you are selfish at all, and I totally understand why you want to make the logistics of moving as simple as possible.

I wouldn't judge you.

But, if you miss a sofa, why not get a really cheap one, or free if that's possible, and give it to charity when you move on?

I'm also intrigued about your long term plans!

I hope you are moving near me. Then I can pop round and be inspired.

If you don't have a table, where do you eat dinner? I hate clutter (though I'm more of the shove it all in a cupboard so it at least looks tidy type) and can see why you are living the way you are. But getting a second or third hand sofa off freecycle and chucking a throw/blanket over it and the same with a bed frame and cheap table then freecycling it all again really doesn't sound like that much hassle to me? Or even buying a cheapie one and having a charity come collect it when you're finished with it? I dunno, I would find it a bit odd, but you have your reasons. I know you say it's only for a year, but it's not really, is it. You might be moving in a year, but for the whole five years you are living without those little comforts/practicalities regardless of where you are living? Could you not just move to a cheap furnished flat? Or hire furniture?

If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother you I guess.

I would find it odd tbh, sorry.
I don't think it's helthy to sllep on the floor is it?

I think you are way over-emphasising the hassle of acquiring and getting rid of cheap furniture. You are only moving once a year for a couple years, that is not too insane.

We've moved four times in five years (including one overseas), before that I lived in 7 flats in 4 years, so I do understand the desire to not acquire stuff. But if you have access to freecycle and charity shops and all that, I don't really see it as a big deal.

Obviously you can get by without a sofa and a table, I wouldn't judge you if you were just dirt broke and couldn't afford a penny. But I have to admit, being in similar circumstances to you, I don't quite understand your reasoning.

I wouldn't judge you on that basis, no.

A mattress on the floor is fine for such a young child, they are not heavy like an older child or adult. Just make sure you stand it up to air it regularly and flip it to reduce the chance of mold growing.

I think somewhere to sit and eat/have tea is important, but you could just have a flat pack style coffee table and sit on big cushions and the bean bag to do that.

Most of our furniture is second hand, some free and we have moved 4 times in 4 years. If you get some bits off freegle, you could freegle them when you move.

you do'nt need a toddler bed, your 2 year old is old enough to go in an adult length single bed. That is something you can buy quality now, and take with you, your DS will always need a bed and I've never rented a house/flat that came with beds. Avoid one that's too high up so he can get in and out, but really, that's overly sparse and you should have a properly supportive bed for your child to sleep on.

I'd also suggest you get a sofa, you can get a cheap 2 seater one and then either sell on or take with you. How likely is it that you will rent a furnished place next year? (as i've always found unfurnised far cheaper and as a '5 year plan' it makes more sense to furnish cheaply yourself even if you bin it at the end of the 5 years than pay for the use of someone else's stuff). Will you really move every 12 months, rather than try to stay in the same flat?

When posting I debated between saying selfish and shallow. I decided on selfish as while the OP is an adult and perfectly entitled to decide to live like this her toddler doesn't have that option.
I am aware joy isn't in possessions but in this situation it is not just possessions missing in OPs life. Moving every year means no long term friendships, not inviting friends over excludes a lot of fun to be had imo. OPs post gave me the impression that they are very driven by this dream of a forever home.
If they cannot afford freight costs/beds (that last 10-15 years) right now to br able to afford a home in 2016 I wonder how realistic that dream is.

The mattress would be taken as part of a bigger picture. So it wouldn't be an issue unless there were other signs (like no toys, little food etc)

I think it's a sign of neglect in that a child who's being neglected parents won't buy things especially for them, and obviously a bed is one of those things.

But have you looked at furnished or part funished places as an alternative? When we were looking some of the part furnished were no more expensive, in fact the first place we rented it said "unfurnished" and we rented it below market rent.
Just before we moved in we got a call to say it was actually furnished, was that a problem? As we only had a futon, a sofa and computer desk we were delighted. We did have, for a time 3 sofas, 1 double futon and two double beds, but the landlady took some of the excess away after discussion.

oh and if you can afford it, buy a cheap dining table and chairs - your DS is at an age where he should be learning table manners, I do think it's important to sit as a family round a dining table and show them how to eat and have conversation as much as possible at that age, food isn't just fuel in our culture and the younger they see that the better.

No you should invite people round! Maybe you could get another bean bag or two or some big floor cushions so it's a bit more comfortable for them but everybody forms an opinion on other people's houses when they visit them, it doesn't mean they are judging you as people. I would judge someone who came to my house for playdates but never invited me back far more harshly, and you can't avoid socialising for a year.

I am surprised that people are concerned about the mattresses. As long as they looked made up that would just make me think you preferred to sleep that way.

We live in a house that needs lots of work and I think some are a bit judgey about it. It's the other children that surprised me. The parents don't tend to say anything but a curious 5 year old will be quite open. One was shocked we didn't have a toilet roll dispenser - the least of my worries! But as you'll be moving away, I wouldn't worry. If you're staying until your dc is at school, I'd get a flat pack bed. Just really to try and normalise things.

I wouldn't judge, but I probably would get a folding table and dining chairs so that the family could eat together, and so that visitors (adults and children) could sit and eat /drink at the table- that's a hugely important social skill to leave for 3 years. TBH I'd do without a TV to have a table if boundaries were that tight.

In terms of explaining, you could just say that you're waiting to buy furniture until after you've decorated, or that you are waiting for the landlord to decorate.

Ooh, you could get an inflatable camping sofa and put throws over it. Packs up very small to move.

I am soooooo curious, now, allinsunshine! All you house-sitters? Property caretakers? Squatters??

Actually, this last is only part in jest. I have a suggestion.

I used to know a couple who were squatters, and they had no more possessions than would fit in the back of their van. What they did have among their few bits and pieces were an armchair and a sofa!!!
I kid you not. They were inflatable, velour covered, packed up really small, looked okay and were surprisingly comfortable.

This could be a way forward for you. Inflatable furniture.

I've had several international moves and they were never less than £4k a pop, for the most basic moving service within Europe, and that was years ago. For us, work paid, but if you were paying that every year to move a load of furniture you don't even want around, it would make a big dent in any money you were saving. If you are truly happy the way you are OP, don't bother furnishing a house just for show, because that is all it would be.

It is only relatively recently that young people expected to move into a place with all mod cons and furniture. It used to be absolutely standard to do without things until such time as you could afford them.

One corner of my dining table is piled high with paperwork and junk mail I haven't dealt with. I might as well be eating at a desk. Come to think of it, the table takes up a lot of space too.

'Are you' not 'All you'

if you don't have a table and you don't have a sofa, where do you eat?

i would find this incredibly depressing.

i would pick up a sofa and a table on freecycle tbh

it's very little effort and can be got rid of the same way

an empty house devoid of comfort is not a home

Say we are buddhist and have moved beyond the need for material possessions :p