Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

[allinsunshine]

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Lots of people don't have tables many dont even have a place for a table to go.

Its a 5 year plan not a lifetime.

[mathanxiety]

Liara, the OP probably wouldn't get the standard low table or the roll up futons if she lived in Japan, given her reasons for doing without the pretty standard table/chairs and couch wherever she is in the west.

A table could be a tiny little thing with three stools around it. Or even a shelf hinged to the wall that could be lifted up. Stools could be the fold up variety.

[mathanxiety]

[FairPhyllis]

This isn't the norm in Japan though - they have social spaces like a shared table.

[TanteRose]

very true - traditional Japanese homes would have one room (with "tatami" rush matting) with a low table where the family would gather to eat. Everyone would sit on flat cushions.

After dinner, children would do homework at the table, and adults would watch TV lying on the floor.

At bedtime, the table and cushions would be folded and put away, and the futons would be taken out of the cupboard and everyone would sleep in that room (especially when the children were small)

However, the point is that it was a social space, and no-one would dream of eating dinner by themselves - everyone would gather around the table.

of course, nowadays in Japan, most homes will have dining table, chairs, sofas and beds...children will have their own rooms. Homes are now built with more rooms (very small ones!) so there is more of a trend to spend time separately, even within a family.

My DCs are teenagers but the one thing that we insist on (other activities permitting, of course) is eating dinner together round the dining table. We have done this almost every day since the children were born.

judging about sleeping on the floor is ridiculous, but having some sort of setting to gather as a family is important.

[Mimishimi]

We did have a Moses basket for DD but she prefered the carseat and it's the only place she would sleep. Very tempting after six weeks of no sleep or limited to 20 minute bursts.Her back is quite straight (well, she's a preteen and she's started slouching around but I do pull her up for that). Her dance teacher has never had any problems with her posture.

[Orangebirdonatable]

I used to live in Japan. We had a dining room table and chairs, as did everyone else I knew. But no other furniture, apart from the futons.

But I don't think the OP is Japanese or in Japan. She does plan on buying furniture in five years, so I find it strange she has so few items now. With the amount of stuff on freecycle and ebay, there is no reason not to have furniture if you want it.

[KeatsiePie]

allin I don't find your approach to the furniture strange. We have moved 3 times in the last 2 years [whimpers at the memory] and until two days ago I was not sure our lease would be renewed, which would have meant moving AGAIN this July. I wanted to die at the thought. We have "real" furniture -- not expensive, but nice enough, and I like our things, so we fucking packed it all and paid to have it moved and unpacked it and then did it again and then did it again, and the 3rd time I had a bit of a breakdown. Actually I was a fucking mess.

In July 2014 we will move again. It is my very great hope that we will be moving to a place we can settle in for at least a few years.

If I had known earlier that we were going to have this degree of upheaval coming on, I can see how we might have done it the way you're doing it.

I know people are saying it's not that hard to get a couch in or to pack a few things, and one by one it's not, but the cumulative effect of packing and unpacking, with all the wrapping and care required, is actually rather staggering if you do it again and again. And financially it does add up, and it's a lot of work to find secondhand things -- if someone told me I would have to put in the time to find a decent affordable secondhand couch and buy it and get it moved into the house and then arrange to sell or donate it in a year and then do that again 4 more times, I can see how I'd say forget it, no couch for me.

As for your son, if he has a comfortable bed and the living area is pleasant for him to play in then I don't see a problem. You say I know he will appreciate the (small) sacrifice he has made in his first 4 years of living without a sofa and dining setting and I agree that sounds a bit odd, but that's b/c I don't think he will appreciate it, b/c I don't think he will remember it! By the time he's old enough to care you'll be settled, and good for you for doing what you need to do to achieve financial security.

[mathanxiety]

But how much wrapping and care are we talking about for a couch from Freecycle? A free or virtually free couch? You wrap it in a plastic tarp and get it into the back of a truck. You drag it to your flat. You unwrap it and use the bejapers out of it. The next owner comes to your flat and removes it however he wants. End of story.

I own a piano that couldn't move with me into the place I am living in now and it has been lodging with a former neighbour, whose children are taking lessons and enjoying it, for almost three years. That would be too much trouble to move - it would require a professional mover and would cost quite a bit. But a freecycle couch?

[mathanxiety]

And you have to look at the value of the couch, what it brings to your quality of life, when you decide if it's too much trouble. I suspect if the OP had one, and a table and a few chairs or even stools she would invite people in and be sociable, or eat together as a family..

[OpalFruitshoot]

I boak at the thought of a Freecycle couch though, who knows what the previous owners did on it.

And having just moved countries ourselves, eBay and Gumtree don't always work - we thought we'd sold a couple of large items then last minute the buyers dropped out and it was too late for us to try selling again, so we had to give certain things away for free. Adds up if you move regularly. Next time, I'll be happy with a nice beanbag. Sod conventions.

[LittleBearPad]

Ever sat on your friends sofas Opal. Want to think what they've done on it? Or lived in/visited a furnished flat or a hotel room.

There's no real difference is there.

[BeyonceCastle]

allinsunshine

I would think you were very sensible and be
I have lots of clutter atm
Far too much stuff and it takes rather than gives
Used to be 'minimalist' then screwed up royally
Quality of life worse as a result
If you have space you can keep said space spotless
If you have space your little one can skip run jump to heart's content
Also no sofas to fall off/roll off and no hard edges to run into

xx

[BeyonceCastle]

Also:

I am cosleeping on mattress with my baby - mattress on floor no problem.
Would not judge mattress for little one either

As for the friends I personally would treat it like a mum-kids group and get a few ikea circular mats or similar, put in a circle and have the mums sit on them with kids in laps doing a sing song before they scamper off this is probably more unreasonable than your original unreasonable
so they think you are a hippy so what?

The great thing about six circular mats is they are easy to store, stackable and when your friends are not there you can do an easy colours game with dc Jump to the red one, green one etc

I would love to do that but have no space cos of the dustbunnies and goddamn clutter

[BeyonceCastle]

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/50222763/ spotty 5 quid

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/00239431/ red 4.50

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/40239429/ green 4.50

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/70239437/ black 4.50

80 cm diameter stack up in corner

[YoungBritishPissArtist]

OP, I think you've been treated very harshly on this thread, I can't believe some of the judging

If this is the way you want to live then do it. Please invite people round If they're genuine, nice people they won't care what it looks like.

Mattresses on the floor - you could keep it propped upright against a wall during the day and turn it regularly, surely that would prevent any mould?

[Floggingmolly]

That argument doesn't really hold water, Opal, unless you never stay in hotels, eat out in restaurants, have a coffee in Starbucks, or even travel on the tube... Most things in the world have been used before; they're fine.

[Yika]

Coming late to the thread but: OP I think you should invite people! There's no harm in living the way you live; it's entirely your choice and you have your reasons. And while i think your DS isn't missing out on something by not having a bed I think not inviting friends over is a sacrifice too far. I'd tell people before they came that the seating arrangements were fairly minimalist so they are forewarned. But it's not like you'd expect them to be sitting through a three course dinner with no furniture. I wouldn't mind sitting on a hard chair for an hour, like I do in a cafe.

[TiredFeet]

I don't have an issue with most of it, if you are happy with it fine, and I probably would hardly notice how the house was furnished if the children were having fun.

as to the mattress, ds has a toddler bed but he falls out about 5 times a night and sleeps on the mattress we have placed next to the bed, or the floor. he seems to be surviving.

I think it is a bit of a shame not to have meals together, as I think it is a lovely part of family life.

I think it is a real shame to live your life for some time five years in the future. If you are happy with your life now and it doesn't feel like a sacrifice anyway then fine, but really there are no guarantees in life and making massive sacrifices for a large chunk just isn't worth it. I lost too many friends in various horrible accidents in my early twenties to take my future for granted. yes we do save and we do plan but we make sure we enjoy our life now too. It may take us longer to get our 'dream' home but it is important to me that we live a happy life now as well.

[OpalFruitshoot]

Yeah, I use other people's sofas, etc, but my own sofa, I'd rather feel it was all clean and lovely, and not wonder if it has spunk/dog pee/cat puke on it, when I am in my pajamas and ready for bed, and my toddler is lying with his face on it.

[mathanxiety]

You can steam clean a couch just like a carpet. Then you would have a clean place for your guests (and yourself) to sit. Some of the people you invite over might be pregnant or breastfeeding, or have wonky joints, or older people, and sitting on the floor for an hour might not be too comfortable.

[wanderings]

I do a job where I visit people in their homes. I regularly see huge detached houses, worth millions... with almost no furniture. These houses frequently have vast plain white walls, with almost no pictures (except very large photos of the family, clearly taken at a professional photo shoot). Not an ornament in sight.

It seems to be a bit of a recurring feature, minimalism. This seems very odd to my partner and me, who have pictures everywhere, and I am constantly putting up shelves for lots of ornaments.

[peteypiranha]

The people who are saying they need a table to gather as a family have you ever lived in a flat with children? You are with your children and dh constantly in a small space. The idea of eating by yourselves if you live as a family in a flat is laughable or needing a place to gather as a family. You will constantly be gathered as a family as there is no space

[TheYamiOfYawn]

There's a difference between gathering together and all being in the same place, though. At the moment, I'm on MN, DD is reading a book, DS is jumping off the sofa onto a cushion and DP is hiding in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. We are all close together, but not in any way gathered. In a few minutes we will all bake a cake together. Proximity isn't the same as doing things together.

[peteypiranha]

When we were in a flat together meant literally together. We did practically everything together as you havr no space to move to other rooms so we would be playing or doing thing with the children constantly as had no choice in the matter and we had no table. We have a table now but we are not anywhere near as together and doing stuff all the time as we were then as we have more space.