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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday with friend, seeking MN advice on whom pays what.

77 replies

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 11:40

I'm a regular here but have NC because this outs me.....

I am going on a 12 night camping holiday to France with a dear friend and my 6yo DS this summer.

Its booked and I've just paid the final balance which covers ferry and accommodation. The agreement is for my friend to pay their share in 2 weeks. Its through a camping holiday operator, it looks amazing but isn't as cheap as one might expect for camping (well I was surprised anyway Grin).

When we booked the holiday I said that I would insist on on paying for my and DS' costs in their entirety. I assumed that this would probably amount to a bit less than 2/3 of the overall holiday cost (assuming that DS would cost less than us adults). I think my friend probably assumed this too, but we didn't actually agree on who was paying what.

Having looked at the invoice, and checked with the holiday company DS is actually completely free! We would be paying exactly the same amount whether he came or not (in fact we could take up to 4 DC and pay no extra).

So in a way, it could be fair to split the costs 50/50. This feels wrong to me though. Money is tight for both me and my friend, I don't want to pay more than I should, but neither should they. I want to be completely fair.

This friend has been my absolute rock, I owe a serious gratitude for helping me through tough times over the years. They seem as excited about this trip as I am but I can't help feeling extra grateful that a childless person would want to come away with DS and I, and I am conscious that holidaying with someone else's DC, when you are childfree yourself can be trying at times (I intend to minimise this as much as I can).

My friend is so lovely that I'm concerned that if I ask what they think they will agree to split costs 50:50, just to be nice while actually feeling that is a bit unfair.....

What would you do?

OP posts:
amicissimma · 10/06/2013 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahBumBarer · 10/06/2013 16:49

I would say to friend that I had assumed that there would be a cost for DS but actually there is not but that I understood that DC are effectively a hidden cost - ie the holiday per adult costs more because DS is free.

So assuming DS cost is actually 50% of the adult cost the holiday cost overall is £600 per adult and £300 for DS and I would therefore offer to pay £900 with her paying £600. That shows you up as being very generous, points out that DS is actually free so gives her an opening to offer to pay slightly more and still saves you a little over a 2/3:1/3 split.

YourHandInMyHand · 10/06/2013 18:23

Have you costed the holiday for one adult and one child?

I know as the single parent of an only child I often pay for two full adults, as to get the free child place on most holidays you need two full paying adults, and to book as one adult price and one child price you can even end up paying a single person supplement! Unfair but common with most holidays. Price it up for 1 adult and 1 child and see what that costs.

Yonihadtoask · 10/06/2013 18:39

These camping holidays are priced to be best value for larger parties.

I tried just now to price up the same site, type of lodging etc.

2 adults = £1215
3 adults= £1215
3 adults, and 2 children =£1215

but 1 adult and 1 child = £1140 - so a small lp discount.

They aren't costed the same way as regular package holidays with flights and hotels. Same for ferries/tunnel. You usually pay for the vehicle. Extra costs are incurred when you pay for cabins.

YourHandInMyHand · 10/06/2013 19:38

Ah I did wonder.

I know when we've done a static at a haven site it's been the same price regardless of people in party but I didn't know if it would be the same for sites abroad or not.

greenfolder · 10/06/2013 19:39

If its 2 bed accommodation and you are each using 1 room, its 50/50.

Bearbehind · 10/06/2013 19:43

That's the point I'm trying to make yoni. It's the full paying adults that keep the cost down and if OP's friend wasn't going, OP would be looking at a similar cost for herself and her son as it is for 2 adults and a child.

TidyDancer · 10/06/2013 19:50

To be quite honest, I would be so chuffed someone agreed to come away with my DCs that I'd pay two thirds just to ensure they didn't back out! Grin

I think you should either pay the petrol costs, or for the food, or stump up more than 50%. I know you don't actually have to, but I would personally feel it the right thing to do in the circumstances.

squidworth · 10/06/2013 20:18

But you cant compare prices when 2 adults generally would not choose this type of holiday, I have done Siblu in France and it is families and some retired people who have bought their homes. It was lovely but not somewhere I would go with a mate and no children.

CabbageLeaves · 10/06/2013 20:26

I would be so grateful to an adult coming with me on a children's holiday that I would stick to the agreement and expectation (in term's of saving money for it)

Go 50/50 on tolls and petrol but 2/3 on accommodation.

CabbageLeaves · 10/06/2013 20:27

If I was the other adult and expected to pay 1/3 of anticipated price I'd be very miffed to be told after that expectation that actually 50% was required... as 'children go free'

xylem8 · 10/06/2013 20:33

The costs incurred are to the tour operator are per car and per accommodation unit , they price this at the way they think will maximise their revenue and they have clearly chiosen to absorb the child prices into the adult price to not put off bigger families.Therefore I don't think it is fair to not pay anything for your DS

Original poster
whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 20:33

Thank you for all the advice.

I've emailed friend (not local), with the invoice and said that I hadn't expected DS to be free, and as I didn't realise this was the case and we both anticipated me paying more, I wouldn't be comfortable with splitting the accommodation/ ferry 50:50. I'll give her a call this evening to discuss further.

I will offer to pay 2/3 and see what she says.

OP posts:
uselessinformation · 10/06/2013 20:47

I wouldn't have even mentioned that the child is free as it is just going to make your friend feel bad and pay 50:50. The price is for the caravan regardless of who is in it. As a single parent with one child, I would have to pay the whole price and if I asked my mum along I wouldn't expect her to pay anything in order to make it cheaper for me. As you are going with a friend then
2/3 is fair.

Hullygully · 10/06/2013 21:13

well done whopays

fingers crossed your friend gets it...

IloveJudgeJudy · 10/06/2013 23:30

I'm a bit torn on this as I have been on this sort of holiday, but not with friends. I think as you're taking your car and doing all the driving, that you should split all bar the food/drink 50:50. Your car will be wearing out more, costing more for insurance (green card, don't forget) which you will be paying. She will have a room for herself and you're sharing the other one so it's 50:50 there. Good luck and I hope your holiday goes well.

CloudsAndTrees · 10/06/2013 23:40

You paying two thirds is the only fair option. I'm shocked at how many people on this thread would rip off their friends by making them pay 50/50!

The cost of the child has been factored into the price the adults pay, partly as a marketing ploy tactic, and partly because its the sort of place that people go to with children and they don't want to put bigger families off.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/06/2013 09:19

I still think my way of charging 2/5 per adult and 1/5 per child is fair. That means you're paying half adult price for your son. You are sharing a room with your DS and your friend gets one to herself so this seems fairest to me.

Let us know what your friend says OP.

KobayashiMaru · 11/06/2013 09:30

I'm guessing that this is keycamp/eurocamp, in which case the number of people staying is entirely irrelevant, since that has nothing to do with costs. You pick the accomodation you want and its a set charge, you can put as many as you want in it up to the limit of bed space.

So if you book a 3 bed cabin with a limit of 8 people, its the same price whether you have one person in it or 8. Its the price for the cabin, not the price per person. Although how you could book a holiday without knowing how much it cost each is beyond me. Hmm

choceyes · 11/06/2013 09:39

I would pay 2/3. I wouldn't want to fall out with a friend over this or cause bad feeling. You can't tell her her she needs to pay £500 and then change it to £750. That's quite a bit more money. A child isn't really "free", your friend will have to comprise on certain things when holidaying with a child and the child will take up 1/3 of the space of the caravan too.
I think you will have to suck up the extra cost. I'd wouldn't even have mentioned that your DS goes free as then it makes your friend feel obliged that she will have to offer to pay 50:50.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 11/06/2013 09:42

I think it is very cheeky of you to have told her about the "free" child place in the hope that she feels she has to pay 50%.

One thing is certain, if you don't pay your fair share on this holiday you will be going alone next time.

Original poster
whopayswhat · 11/06/2013 10:52

Just to clarify, I haven't backtracked on paying any agreed sum. I said from the start I wanted to be sure to cover all DS' costs, so in doing so I think its fair to say I implied I would pay more.

I didn't unfairly point out DS was free- she would have been able to see this clearly for herself from the holiday confirmation that I received which I forwarded to her yesterday along with my email saying I wasn't comfortable with 50:50.

Friend replied to say she would call me tonight but that 50:50 sounded fair to her. I've already replied to say that's not ok with me and that we should have an honest talk about this tonight.

OP posts:
Yonihadtoask · 11/06/2013 17:53

The best tip I can give when holidaying with a friend (or family) is to be totally up front and honest about everything.

Otherwise resentment sets in and it's not worth ruining a friendship over a holiday.

Some people are more precious about money than others. It might be worth having a daily kitty - to spend on drinks/ice creams/bus fares or other small spend.

Another tip is to give/take a bit of free time away from the other adult. She may want to sit out and read in peace one afternoon - in which case you can take DS out to the pool or on a trip out somewhere. She might not want to do this, but in my experience of holidaying with friends and family it is good to have a bit of separate time. Also gives you an experience to discuss later.

I am sure you will have a great trip. Enjoy the planning.

ThereAreEggsInMyViolin · 11/06/2013 18:06

I would insist on paying a bit more than 50/50. Perhaps, you could agree 60/40. It is a middle ground Smile She willbe happy and you should be happy.

You DS's place was never 'free' however the fact you are sharing a room with him means you shouldn't split the bill 66/33

Petrol/tolls/food should be roughly 50/50.

It is brilliant that you are 'insisting' on talking it out. It is much better to sort things out beforehand. It can be awkward but once it is done you can all relax and get on with looking forward to your holiday.

ThereAreEggsInMyViolin · 11/06/2013 18:07

Aghhhhh. I meant to say petrol/tolls etc should be 66/33 NOT 50/50

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