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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday with friend, seeking MN advice on whom pays what.

77 replies

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 11:40

I'm a regular here but have NC because this outs me.....

I am going on a 12 night camping holiday to France with a dear friend and my 6yo DS this summer.

Its booked and I've just paid the final balance which covers ferry and accommodation. The agreement is for my friend to pay their share in 2 weeks. Its through a camping holiday operator, it looks amazing but isn't as cheap as one might expect for camping (well I was surprised anyway ).

When we booked the holiday I said that I would insist on on paying for my and DS' costs in their entirety. I assumed that this would probably amount to a bit less than 2/3 of the overall holiday cost (assuming that DS would cost less than us adults). I think my friend probably assumed this too, but we didn't actually agree on who was paying what.

Having looked at the invoice, and checked with the holiday company DS is actually completely free! We would be paying exactly the same amount whether he came or not (in fact we could take up to 4 DC and pay no extra).

So in a way, it could be fair to split the costs 50/50. This feels wrong to me though. Money is tight for both me and my friend, I don't want to pay more than I should, but neither should they. I want to be completely fair.

This friend has been my absolute rock, I owe a serious gratitude for helping me through tough times over the years. They seem as excited about this trip as I am but I can't help feeling extra grateful that a childless person would want to come away with DS and I, and I am conscious that holidaying with someone else's DC, when you are childfree yourself can be trying at times (I intend to minimise this as much as I can).

My friend is so lovely that I'm concerned that if I ask what they think they will agree to split costs 50:50, just to be nice while actually feeling that is a bit unfair.....

What would you do?

OP posts:

Yonihadtoask · 10/06/2013 12:43

Are you in a mobile home or tent?
If it is a mobile home, have you booked a 3 bedroom or 2?

That would be where I could see the main issue with sharing costs. If just you and friend were going then you would pay say £800 for the 2 bedroomed. Therefore £400 each. However if you have booked a 3 bedroomed so DS gets a room which costs £1200 then it wouldn't be fair to ask friend to pay half of that at £600.

If you have a tent then my argument is ppointless ;)

I would discuss openly with friend what both of you expect to pay. If either of you harbours any ill feeling toward the other then it can spoil hour holiday. Be honest.

Even if you do agree to go 50:50 then always pay a bit more for fuel and shopping.

WinterWinds · 10/06/2013 12:44

Can you find out how much it would have cost if it were just the two of you minus your DS. Then that way you can see if the cost per adult has been bumped up slightly to accommodate the free child place.

If the price you have is in fact for 2 adults regardless then of course it should be split 50:50. (ie DS is in fact completely free)
If they were not offering free places you would have had to pay the extra for your DS anyway.
If the cost is slightly more per adult, taking your DS,Then you should pay her difference.

Original poster

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 12:45

Enorma ferry was charged per car. We have booked a cabin, but it was me that really wanted the cabin as a base and to have our own place to throw up in! So I am paying the full cabin cost (which is surprisingly little as it is a day crossing).

I am doing all of the driving, we need to agree the split of petrol and tolls- I'm thinking 2/3 would be the best way for this what do you think? In terms of food we will definitely do 50:50.

In hindsight I agree that all this should have been sorted in advance. I'v been stupid. We were just so very excited to get it booked and sorted. My friend earns a goodish wage and was planning on putting aside a little each month the cover her share, I think it is fair to say she wanted to come and was not too concerned about he cost. However, like most people she spends all she earns and absolutely shouldn't pay anything over what is fair.....

OP posts:

VivaLeBeaver · 10/06/2013 12:46

Well the difference depends what the cost of the holiday is - if its a £500 holiday then not much. If its a 2k holiday then its a massive difference.

Original poster

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 12:47

Good point youhadtoask. We have a 2 bedroom static. Friend will be in the double room, DS and I sharing a twin. However, there is a sofa bed in the living area and I may use that a bit too, if DS snores or I want to read....

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 10/06/2013 12:48

If you said that you would pay for you and your son, then that cost is 50% of the total.

Did she know the total amount roughly before? What I'm wondering is did you all know that it was going to cost say, £200 per person and therefore you were both expecting a total of £600 or did you all know it was going to be £400 in total by didn't know the per person cost?

I guess she might be surprised by 50% of the total, but that is what you agreed. If I were your friend I'd feel uncomfortable paying less than 50%.

I think the thing to do is just chat to her about it.

PepperPotts · 10/06/2013 12:48

Have you both looked at actual figures? If the cost was 1000 and you said you'd be paying more as there were 2 of you she would probably expect to be paying 400 to your 600.
If you then ask her to pay 500 as your DS is "free" it might make her struggle.

If, however, you did not look at actual figures then I think you can split it 50/50

HormonalHousewife · 10/06/2013 12:49

I thought you were camping ?

Original poster

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 12:50

It is quite a difference between 50:50 and 2/3- the holiday is £1500.00 (awaits flaming).

OP posts:

Trills · 10/06/2013 12:51

In terms of food we will definitely do 50:50.

have you got this backwards? Surely food is the one thing where having your DS be present will make a difference?

justmyview · 10/06/2013 12:51

I think paying 50:50 seems a bit unfair. "Free places" aren't really free. They're subsidised by the adults who pay. Your friend wasn't expecting to pay 50% of the total cost and you weren't either. I'd think you should go with your original idea

Original poster

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 12:52

Trills yes sorry my mistake, food will be 2/3.

OP posts:

AnneEyhtMeyer · 10/06/2013 12:54

I can't see why you think food should be 50:50. Surely that is the one area entirely free of uncertainty? You should pay two thirds. In fact I think you should pay two-thirds for the whole holiday.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 10/06/2013 12:56

And the "child free" business is often nothing of the sort. I've been pricing up holidays and often it is cheaper to pay for DD rather than get her a "free" place.

Original poster

whopayswhat · 10/06/2013 12:58

I see waht you mean about the child free thing not being free. But in this case the price is the same with or without a child, I have priced it....

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 10/06/2013 12:58

I think petrol, tolls and holiday costs should be 50/50 ( you're doing the driving so I wouldn't subsidise that further.

Food should be 2/3.

If your friend doesn't struggle for money then I would think that is fair.

mirry2 · 10/06/2013 12:58

You also need to bear in mind that even though your child is free she will probably use up a third of the camping space.

DontmindifIdo · 10/06/2013 13:01

hmm, so have you lead her to believe the costs for her would be £500 and now it'll be jumping to £750? Also, had you budgeted for paying £1k and it's only now you've found your DS's place is free that you are considering the split costs? I think if she'd agreed to go on the understanding her costs would be £500 then that's what you should ask her to pay, however if she thought the per person costs were £750 and agreed to that, then since you've found out you've got DS's place for free, then that's a different matter.

SilasGreenback · 10/06/2013 13:07

Another way of looking at it, is if it was one adult plus a child it would probably cost the same as two adults plus a free child. Maybe she should go free?

WinterWinds · 10/06/2013 13:07

Right as the price is the same with or without the child place, she should pay 50% of the cost of the ferry tickets (as you are covering the cabin cost alone).
50% of the accommodation, as its only 2 rooms and you and DS will be sharing.
1/3 of the cost of petrol and food, you need to cover DS's share.

defineme · 10/06/2013 13:08

As it's a static with bedrooms then I'd say 50/50 as we've always split it per cost of room when I've gone away with friends Eg went away with 2 friends who used 1 bedroom and I paid 3/4 as used 3 bedrooms, even though only 1 person in 1 of my bedrooms.. However, if that's not what you first agreed I think you're a bit stuck.
Food -that's hard-I'd probably buy separately and agree to take turns with cooking (but then I'd not want to have my lunch determined by others, kids are fussy about breakfast), pay per ind meal when out.
travel 50:50 as you would do that son or not.

LayMeDown · 10/06/2013 13:10

Well I dont agree with a 50:50 split here. Even though DS is free, it is you getting the whole benefit of that. If it were just the two of you, your friend would be sharing living space with one other person. Instead she is sharing with two with no cost reduction to her. I think her cost should be subsidised by you since there will be two of you benefiting from the shared living space/ bathroom etc. Thats not to mention the added compromises she will have to facilitate by holidaying with a child.

squidworth · 10/06/2013 13:18

For me it depends on did your friend know the price before you booked. If as you implied you insisted in paying for DS as a 2:1 equation it would be awkward to now go to 1:1. The other problem is comparing the holiday price with or without the child would be different to pricing a trip without children. Also does your friend believe she is joining you on your holiday or sharing a holiday. Hate when money comes into friendship so difficult.

Bearbehind · 10/06/2013 14:54

I think you should tell your friend the situation and offer to pay 2/3. If she wants to contribute more she can, but she won't feel hard done by.

It sounds to me that if this friend hadn't greed to go with you you'd either have to meet the full costs or you'd not be going at all.

If she knew the overall cost and you've already said you were planning on paying more than half because of your son, I don't think you can increase her expected contribution.

ivykaty44 · 10/06/2013 14:58

I would go and buy the shopping either before you go to take or when you get there - pick up the supermarket tab each time for food and this will easily ease your mates finances and certainly be w very generous gesture as two thirds of the food will be eaten by you and your dc.

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