to feel upset that the guy I met for a drink turns out to have been charged for grooming a 13 year old girl?

[drfayray]

He was found not guilty. Linguistics saved him...will explain more.

I have been internet dating and have been meeting quite a few men recently. I am a great believer in meeting as soon as possible. I also wait to be contacted. This one person D seemed interesting (is an actor -small roles) and was quite amusing. He told me that he rarely meets women in real life but suggested meeting me. So I go to a bar that I know well in a suburb (am in Brisbane) that I frequent so I feel safe. He turns up and we talk. He is a bit of a luvvie about his acting. He talks about himself and does not even ask me anything about myself. Now this may sound arrogant and I am sorry if it does but he does not make any remarks about my looks. All the men, without fail, have complimented me on my looks. I do not look my age as am 51 but can pass for late 30s. He also did not fancy me...I felt that quite strongly. I can usually tell too.

There is something about him that irks me...I cannot put my finger on it. Anyway, after an hour we leave with him saying 'I will call you!" Yeah sure bud...

Then I google him. I don't know why I did this..I have never googled any of the guys I have met. Usually...they might want a second meeting and I don't. Then that is it. I chuck 'em out of my mind. But this D...

I find his roles in tv and plays. I find a lot of pix of him. Then I find that in 2007 he was found not guilty of grooming a 13 year old girl The so-called girl was actually a policeman. The things that D wrote were awful...things like 'do you have pubic hair yet? or boobs? I like small boobs...and give the 'girl tips on how to masturbate, saying he shouldn't be telling her this but he is so horny....

His defense was that he was role playing and never believed that the girl was a teenage girl. The use of words like spaz and veg and spare (for wagging school) were used to show that the girl was not a girl as no self-respecting teen would use such words. The jury took 6 hours to find him not-guilty.

I feel ill. And I do not understand why he wanted to meet me as he made a point of saying how he was so busy with his acting and his 4 children - he has them one week on one week off - that he rarely met women from the site. He also said that his ex gave him a lot of trouble and the marriage broke down because of her...well it actually fell in with his case...

One of the strange things is that I actually googled him....I don't know what made me do it? My instincts? I do try to listen to them.

This has really shocked me.

You can be Scottish and scrotish, trust me.

I thought like the Candyman, you had to say it 5 times?

Will try later on pc - although ... He was found not guilty ...but he is an ACTOR and appears in over 70 films ( his words) so he must expect being looked up...I don't want to be accused of being unfair or worse...

I have met a lot of knobs via online dating... But none of them made me want to google them. Apart from this man.

BOF I have just read your link and yes, went the bastard.

Right, back to the thread.

BOF at that link!

If OP is proud of her looks isn't that a good thing? Tbh I'd have googled just to see if he was in fact actor or just a bullshitter

I'm actually a little bit in love with you, Fay.

As one utterly gorgeous woman to another I would like to congratulate you on your self esteem, I earned mine by doing a year of affirmations and then marrying a man who wakes me up every morning by telling me I'm beautiful .

And this thread is hilarious. You are all brilliant.

Thanks Eleanor . Back at you!

I have added the links to the story here. He was found not guilty. I accept this. Interestingly enough, this case was written up in some psychiatric journals.

www.news.com.au/breaking-news/man-cleared-of-grooming-girl/story-e6frfkp9-1111113582459

www.brisbanetimes.com.au/articles/2007/05/15/1178995133286.html?from=top5

www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/queensland/net-sex-chat-just-role-play/2007/05/17/1178995298804.html

I have been pondering this...truly it is not because he didn't comment on me that made me google him. I am vain, yes, but not impossible....honestly!

Kudos DrRay for admitting to your vanity sorry your ex was south arse.
I tried the selfie few times but the camera on my phone must be wonky when you spin it so you can see yourself in it. Every single time I look like a triple chinned Clarence The Cross Eyed Lion.
Not how I look in real life at all. Oh no.

He's not guilty, fine. I would be creeped out by a man who wanted to role play/fantasise about young teenagers.

Having read your OP again and the last article you linked there are a lot of similarities in the stories.
The giveaway for him was not being complimented on his looks,he even said it may sound egotistical but all the women he talked to would make a comment.
You say it may sound arrogant but he din't compliment you on your looks,that all men without fail do.

Sure the guy in the article does sound like a creep though.

at how the thread turned out.

To be monstrously dull for a moment can I just reiterate my point? And it's a general one.

By all means act on intuition. But never ever assume that you 'would know'. Never imply that people should have spotted something. Never allow yourself to believe that intelligence or intuition will help you identify men who are interested in children.

The ones we know about are mostly the ones who get caught. How easy to then think we always had a bad feeling about him.
The ones who get away with it are incredibly normal and get huge amountsof help from the swathes of women who quietly believe that they would spot a paedophile.

DrFayRay you are officially ace! (with beautiful wrinkle free skin)

My friend had a similar OD experience, apart from he omitted to tell her he'd been in prison for armed robbery. (Yes we drunkenly Googled him for the lulz). Not nearly as bad as your experience, but shows that there are some right sharks out there.

On the other hand two of my friends have gone on to have marriage and babies from Match.com so the decent folk are out there, just have to trawl through the shit first it seems.

Not dull at all Pagwatch,absolutely true.

P.s I did laugh at your list of exotic destinations...Singapore, Brisbane...Sheffield.

About thirty odd years ago our neighbour's DD met and married a man through what was then a dating agency,her Mother was horrified and said she should be ashamed.

They are still married now and have a grown up DD themselves and a DGD.

I know two couples who met through OD. They're all seemingly normal apart from one of the wimmin's penchant for twigs 'n' pebbley shit

Yikes at photos

Yes.. Yes we all have agreed my pix are crazy

Yes Pagwatch. I agree. No one can tell.

I am now seeing a nice man I have met through that same site. Early days still but he is attractive, clever, charming and tall. We have a lot in common but also lots of different interests.
Wish me luck.

Are you Samantha Brick?

No
I never said the shite she did!
And I have many dear women friends whom I love dearly And who I believe are also fond of me. The support I received when my marriage ended showed me that and I am grateful for each and every one. Didn't she say that women hated her?
Plus I am Indian with black hair and dark brown eyes. Not blonde and blue eyed.
Although when I was a little girl growing up in Singapore I wanted to be blonde and blue eyed...

Bless I'm pulling your leg, you look fab and hopefully you will find someone lovely, although I'm sure you would be fine without a man. My weight loss starts today I hope to find my self esteem buried under the 4 stone of baby weight!

Go Krazy! I wish you well. It is hard but worth it.

What did you do to lose weight, Fay? Was it stress that comes with divorcing a cunt or did you follow a diet?

Fay, I'm impressed by your beautiful looks, and I'm just as impressed by your self-esteem - such a hard thing for many of us to have and you seem to have it, despite being put down by your arse of an ex. You must have had to work really hard to overcome all his abusive treatment of you.

Anyway, re pervy man, I'd stop thinking about it now - something set your senses off, you googled, you found out, you got out, it's history.

And re internet dating - my friend went out on a date with a man a couple of months ago. He took her out to dinner, and at the end of the meal, told her he had something to show her. Proceeded to roll up his trouser leg and proudly display his tag thingie. However, she wasn't nearly as put off by tag man, as she was by strange religious sect man, who got a load of leaflets out of his briefcase and tried to get her to read them with him.

Ha ha

You've been a good sport

Thanks Shiney. It is quite important not to take ourselves seriously, I feel.

Marmalade...I did it by myself in that I reached a point where I was cutting myself because I was so distraught that ex was behaving so badly. Then I just looked at my blood and thought...do I want to die? Because soon those cuts are going to be serious. And die for a most scrotish twattish man ever ever? Well no, actually.

So I went to see my GP, got onto a mental health plan, saw a psychologist who helped me see that I was the mistress of my life. So I joined a gym, and changed my lifestyle. I ate well to fuel my body. It was not a hardship because something just went twang in my head. The weight fell off. And I started to change how I looked...dress (although always have had a great sense of style...dress to please myself and that just became easier with a fitter body) and I changed my hair to a bob with a short fringe which shows off my Cleopatra style eyes.

And I started Latin and Cuban dance classes. I found that I was good at something unexpected. Made a lot of new friends who actually quite liked spending time with me (fucking ex was wrong there!). Then I discovered Tango...and now am obsessed by it and have found a whole new world of similarly smitten beings.

I have a very strong sense of myself. I am confident, ridiculous, clever, kind, silly, vain, friendly, happy, self-obsessed and funny. My darling DS17 told me that I am now the real me and that I give him confidence to be himself. Darling DD15 told me that sometimes she misses the old me but that she LOVES the new me.

I am a good role model for my children. I have shown that even if crappy stuff happens (and it does and will) the way we deal with it affects the outcome. The ex behaving the way he did was really the best thing to happen to me. Sure I regret the end of a long marriage (24 years) but honestly, we had drifted apart and no longer were compatible. He just didn't have to end it the way he did..with utter contempt for me.

Isn't there a saying..revenge is a life lived well or summat? Well, I am living my life the way I want it to be - filled with my lovely children, friends (I have made some amazing friends and found out who my real friends were too!), Tango, exercise, and well just things I want and like to do.

Haha...you DID ask Marmalade......

Oh and I have uploaded a pix taken by my son of me gurning a smile . I am not nekkid by the way but wearing a strapless dress. I am in Brisbane after all!