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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to say "no children at my wedding"

148 replies

charleyturtle · 07/06/2013 11:57

my dp and i have had a few dissagreements about our wedding. the main thing that keeps cropping up is how i dont want people to bring their children. my dp keeps pointing out that my family doesnt have any small children in it (fair enough) but the main problem children are dps half brother and sister. they are not dissaplined at all. they run roit no matter where they are and are very rude. they open fire doors, pour candel wax on tables and hit other children (just examples from my dds christening)
i get really anxious whenever i have to see them as it is such a stressfull experience and i just dont want to feel stressed out on my wedding. am i being too harsh or should i stick to my guns?

OP posts:

Ilovemyself · 08/06/2013 00:08

We have just got in from my step sisters wedding which was child free so our 3 had to go to their other nannies house for the day.

The wedding was child free because there was a very limited number for the service (very small venue). As the invite was for the ceremony and reception only it meant no children for both.

There was 1 exception. The best man brought his daughter because she was a bridesmaid.

It didn't annoy us us we could see the reasoning and the notice was plenty.

We did ask if we could pop in with then on he way home from picking them up and were told it was fine. They loved it and the other guests loved watching them dance ( they are 15 months old).

I think if there is a valid reason then it is not an issue. But to say siblings can't attend is wrong - they are the closest family apart from mother and father.

MidniteScribbler · 08/06/2013 00:38

I think your compromise sounds great. One piece of advice: keep the bouncy castle for the duration of the party. I can guarantee the adults will want a go when the kids leave. (Speaking as a veteran of many post fete teachers parties .

Why don't you make the whole reception like a carnival? Cheesy balloons, fairy floss, rides. If the adults are running around like big kids, you won't notice the kids behaviour!

Ilovemyself · 08/06/2013 00:50

Sounds much better but don't have a curfew for the kids.

Tigerbomb · 08/06/2013 01:01

your new wedding plan sounds wonderful

I had a child free wedding because of the bad behaviour of my brother's children. I didn't particulary care if they were my nephews and nieces - they were badly behaved and he was awful at controlling them - they ruined it for all the other kids

I also told him this

ZillionChocolate · 08/06/2013 10:09

Glad you've managed to find a compromise.

moogy1a · 08/06/2013 10:18

"I had a child free wedding because of the bad behaviour of my brother's children. I didn't particulary care if they were my nephews and nieces"
What a lovely sounding person you are.

Tigerbomb · 08/06/2013 11:09

moogy1a - just because people are related to you doesn't mean they can have a "get out of jail free" card. My family are not close - I couldn't even tell you who my cousins are and I rarely see my brother. In fact out of the 100 guests at my wedding - only 5 of them were family

His children are energetic and free spirits apparently. Others describe them as rude, naughty and completley uncontrollable - and that's the nicer comments.

Loopylala7 · 08/06/2013 11:33

Could you hire a child minder for the day to watch the children so you could all get the odd rest for half hour or so? Not sure what that might cost though?

Loa · 08/06/2013 11:44

charleyturtle sounds like a fantastic wedding plan- I hope you all enjoy it.

sassytheFIRST · 08/06/2013 12:00

Are you excluding your own child as well? If so, fine. If not, No Way can you exclude your husband's siblings.

FGS.

sassytheFIRST · 08/06/2013 12:04

Apols - just seen yr update. Much better IMO. Enjoy your day.

Earthworms · 08/06/2013 12:13

Sounds like a brilliant compromise OP.

What a good idea. Hope you all have a lovely day.

Bearbehind · 08/06/2013 12:26

Really not sure about insisting the children are all gone by 8pm. How do you envisage that working? Surely all the parents are going to leave at that point too.

I wouldn't bother going back to a wedding if I'd had to leave to take the children home because they were no longer welcome.

EldritchCleavage · 08/06/2013 20:45

Good move, you sound happier already.

Rhubarbcrumblewithcustard · 08/06/2013 21:13

What are you going to do, ring a bell at 8pm and remind all the parents it's time to take their children home as they are no longer welcome?!

holidaysarenice · 09/06/2013 01:06

What really annoys me is the people who get pissed off/rant about childfree weddings, are usually the ones who had them themselves!!!

Then fast forward a few years and they want to bring their children to others weddings!

ComposHat · 09/06/2013 01:27

As for the whole "I hate childfree weddings" and the usual twaddle about what weddings SHOULD be - give it a rest - that's what YOU think they should be, other people are perfectly entitled to have a different vision of a wedding

Exactly this!

I hate this foisting of a particular vision of marriage onto all marriages in all circumstances. I don't see my marriage as a 'joining of two families' we live the opposite ends of the country to my in-laws and have seen them maybe six or seven times in total. I can't imagine that our parents will ever see each other again.

MY wedding was about marrying the person I love and hope to spend the rest of my life with. That is MY definition of marriage but have no desire to universalise it.

FamiliesShareGerms · 09/06/2013 08:27

OP, the revised arrangements sound lovely.

You don't have to enforce the 8pm "curfew", of course, if everything is going well. It just means that if the children are running riot, any time after 8pm you have a legitimate reason to ask them to leave. (And by "you", I mean your DP)

diddl · 09/06/2013 08:42

Sounds lovely now.

I wanted a childfree wedding-but then I realised that I needed to trust adults to parent their own children.

Doesn't sound as if OP could have done that.

And really, why should she/her future husband be trying to sort out other people to keep an eye on these kids!

PrettyKitty1986 · 09/06/2013 08:44

Personally I feel that putting a child free stipulation on a wedding is ridiculous.

I can understand that you don't want a wedding to turn into a crèche...if everyone who is invited to my wedding brought their kids, there'd be more kids than adults there.

Whether I've invited the couple or the family completely depends on whether df and I have any relationship with the children. People I am very close to in work but never met the kids...couple only invited. Friends whose kids we see, have been invited to dc's parties etc...family invite.

Purposely leaving out any close friend or relative at your wedding is appalling IMO. The fact that they are a child is irrelevant. I also think that having a child curfew is worse than not inviting them at all! You will probably be forcing an adult who is at the wedding with them to also leave.

Startail · 09/06/2013 09:55

A curfew is crazy DCs at weddings are either asleep or dancing by later in the evening. I've never seen any miss behave.

DCs may get restless earlier in the day with all the hanging about, this adult does too!

But once there is music and it's past bed time, that's kind of special and they behave accordingly.

Also if you young bridesmaids/pageboys no other DCs is crap. My DDs bridesmaided for a couple who just happened only to have childless friends or ones with babies. My two would have loved some company.

The other wedding that summer was brilliant loads of DCs and goody boxes provided for them at the meal.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/06/2013 14:42

Your compromise sounds great OP.

Otherwise it would have been very awkward indeed,purely because they are your dp's siblings.

I see nothing wrong with child free weddings by the by and intend on having on myself.

C999875 · 09/06/2013 15:12

Your wedding so It's not for me to say Y.B.U. However would it cause you any great upset if you allowed children at your wedding. Okay children get boisterous and play, no harm in that. It's what kids do!
I personally do not like it when children are excluded. If my child wasn't welcome somewhere then I certainly wouldn't be going. Love me love my child. I have always taken her to social events i.e parties ect, we come as a package and she has has grown up knowing how to interact very well with adults. xxx

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