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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to say "no children at my wedding"

148 replies

charleyturtle · 07/06/2013 11:57

my dp and i have had a few dissagreements about our wedding. the main thing that keeps cropping up is how i dont want people to bring their children. my dp keeps pointing out that my family doesnt have any small children in it (fair enough) but the main problem children are dps half brother and sister. they are not dissaplined at all. they run roit no matter where they are and are very rude. they open fire doors, pour candel wax on tables and hit other children (just examples from my dds christening)
i get really anxious whenever i have to see them as it is such a stressfull experience and i just dont want to feel stressed out on my wedding. am i being too harsh or should i stick to my guns?

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 07/06/2013 19:14

Sounds like a really fun day!

Turniptwirl · 07/06/2013 19:20

YABU to exclude dp's siblings

YABU if your own dc's are going but you won't allow others

LynetteScavo · 07/06/2013 19:20

It sounds a lovely day, but I wouldn't say all children are banished at 8pm.

But then the children I know aren't rude, and tend to play reasonably nicely even when not closely supervised.

lurkedtoolong · 07/06/2013 19:23

Sounds great to me. The wedding you want and a reception which covers what he wants.

CaramelLatte · 07/06/2013 19:31

Sounds like a great compromise, well done snd have a great day.

ThingummyBob · 07/06/2013 19:37

I've been to a few child free weddings, tbh they are all the sort of no-fun affair I'd rather not bother with.

I have a friend who might even be wishiwasanheiress, she is horrified these days at how U she was with regards to a no children/bridezilla/ brochure type affair now that she has relaxed into herself with age Grin

toffeelolly · 07/06/2013 19:47

YABU. You Just cannot do this, your husband to be's young brother and sister, it just does not sound nice at all.

IAmNotAMindReader · 07/06/2013 19:58

Your update sounds like a fantstic idea charleyturtle. If anyone isn't happy with that they can go boil in their own bile becuase you really have tried to ensure everyone has a pleasant wedding experience, even the horror kids.

IKnowWhat · 07/06/2013 20:05

I think your update plan sounds really FANTASTIC Grin. I would prefer that a million times over and I bet your guests will too. A BBQ and a bouncy castle sounds perfect. Now you can all have a great day (including the kids)

I am glad you and your DH (to be) have agreed on this together.

trackies · 07/06/2013 20:10

that's a fantastic idea charleyturtle !

Jengnr · 07/06/2013 20:34

Why does child free equal fun free thingummybob?

Jengnr · 07/06/2013 20:34

That sounds great charleyturtle!

Parker231 · 07/06/2013 20:35

We had a no children and no babies wedding - it was an amazing day which lived up to all our hopes and dreams. Our friends and family knew our views - no issues.

Bowlersarm · 07/06/2013 20:38

Fair compromise. Have a great wedding OP Smile

Binkybix · 07/06/2013 20:41

Sounds good. Well done.

I've always found child free weddings to be much more fun than children-invited ones'

Whocansay · 07/06/2013 20:41

I was all fired up to tell you how unreasonable you are. But clearly this day doesn't seem to be about you at all! It seems as if dh's family are calling the shots. I think your compromise sounds lovely but I'd still elope as his entire family sound like a nightmare.

cees · 07/06/2013 20:51

If my nephews were around when I got married I'd have eloped just to avoid something similar happening at my wedding.

Your compromise sounds great as long as they go at 8pm and their Dad doesn't pull the piss and leave them there longer.

Startail · 07/06/2013 20:54

Sorry one day you will have DCs of your own and you will understand YABVVVU.

Gooseysgirl · 07/06/2013 21:03

We had 8 kids (all little cousins including our flower girl) at our wedding, I left colouring/puzzle books etc for them to keep them occupied at dinner, this worked well. They were all gone by 9pm... I never asked their parents to take then away early that's just the way it happened! But I have to say they were immaculately behaved throughout and it really wouldn't have bothered me if they'd been there all evening. Even though your DP's siblings sound like a total nightmare, I wouldn't exclude them from the wedding completely... So as a compromise could they be collected by a babysitter at an agreed time, so that at least you can relax and enjoy the latter part of your day without having to deal with them?

Original poster
charleyturtle · 07/06/2013 21:04

startail: if you had read the opening statement you would have seen that i do have a child of my own.

OP posts:
Gooseysgirl · 07/06/2013 21:04

Whoops just seen your update, sounds like a great plan... And a v fair compromise that they're gone by 8pm Smile

Trifle · 07/06/2013 21:10

They're not really siblings though are they, half siblings at best and then that's only on paper. I imagine your dp is what, 20 years older than them has never lived with them so the bond is probably fairly loose at best. He probably feels he should invite them out of obligation.

But op, I can't understand why you intervene and manage the children all the time, leave it to the dad and every time they misbehave point it out and insist he deals with it. Also, my 10 year old would be occupied by a colouring sheet for, ohh, 30 seconds at best.

Do you really want to spend more of your precious money on expensive gadgets just to keep them quiet.

MrsOakenshield · 07/06/2013 21:41

sounds great, a really good compromise.

DD's godfather is getting married next year and they have been obliged to say no kids because of the cost - many of their friends have children and they would have an additional 40 guests if all the kids came, which they just can't afford. C'est la vie. It's a bugger as don't know who we can get to look after DD for most of an afternoon and evening, but we've got a year to arrange something! And I know they would have liked to have some kids, but sometimes it just isn't practical. So I think those saying it's crap to have no kids are being a bit unfair.

Loopylala7 · 07/06/2013 22:14

Difficult situation. Totally understand the no child rule - I did it at my wedding, but siblings? awkward. Could you entrust somebody to take them out if they kick off? I think DP needs to have a few diplomatic words about reasonable behaviour with his folks.

Campari · 07/06/2013 23:37

I totally understand where you are coming from. My sister's ds has behaviour issues which causes him to physically lash out & be aggressive to others when others are getting attention & not him.
It has sadly caused a lot of arguments in my family about her parenting skills...I don't blame her at all, she is doing her best, but at the end of the day why should a happy day be ruined by a child who can't behave? It is about two adults celebrating an important milestone in their lives...the badly behaved kids should stay out of it, lets face it they arent going to miss anything. Its not about the kids Im sorry.