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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to take children out of school for this

129 replies

wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 13:16

I have 2 DC currently yr 6 and yr 7. My niece in NZ (where I am from) is getting married in November. We weren't going to go as apart from anything else we cant afford it. My mum rang yesterday and offered to pay for the fares (which is the main cost since we would stay with family whilst we were there) as she really wants the whole family to be there. This is a lot of money for her but she really would like us there and is quite elderly and says this might be the last family wedding she goes to (though I certainly hope she is wrong about that).

It is a big family occasion and we don't really have that many family occasions - last one was 8 years ago. The whole family are close and all live very close to each other etc so even though it is my niece, it does seem to me to be someone in my close family if you see what I mean, although to be fair I don't see/talk to her much these days as I live over here and she has a busy life and not much interested in her auntie in England. But I still really would feel I was missing something big on my side of the family.

DH just doesn't want to consider it as he thinks it simply isn't possible to take the DC out of school - they would be in year 7 and year 8 and I think we would have to take them out for 2 weeks in November. We would need to get there in time to get over the worst of the jet lag, and having spent that much on the trip I think we would have to stay that amount of time to see my mum etc.

I honestly don't know if IABU. I haven't even asked the school as DH is so set against it.

OP posts:

FannyFifer · 05/06/2013 13:19

I would take them out, no question.

Ra88 · 05/06/2013 13:19

I'd go ! once in a lifetime opportunity for majority of People , I don't believe it will effect your children's education at all, could their teachers not give them some work to take along with them ??

strawberrie · 05/06/2013 13:21

I would take them, and would like to think the school would be supportive.

wonderingsoul · 05/06/2013 13:22

i would take them.
there is more to child hood then school.
this isnt a trip to haven. its a once in a life time.

it will instal family importance, make wonderfull memories and they would still be learning things, just not a school way.

go for it.

belledidlovesebastian · 05/06/2013 13:22

Without a doubt go. It's a fabulous opportunity for all of you.

LeaveTheBastid · 05/06/2013 13:22

I'd do it with no problems. It's hardly just a trip to centerparks is it?

chicaguapa · 05/06/2013 13:22

I would take them out. Maybe you and DH could speak to the school and they could reassure your DH that you're not committing a huge crime and they are ok with it?

bdbfan · 05/06/2013 13:23

Go! I took my dd out of school for 2 weeks to visit family in oz, although she's only in yr1.

It's a once in a lifetime trip, you may even find that school will authorise it if you point out the educational opportunities they'll get from going.

Llareggub · 05/06/2013 13:24

I'd go, though if my DH was so against it I'd suggest that he stays at home and we'd use his airfare as spending money. But I am mean like that.

Mabelface · 05/06/2013 13:24

Do it. Your children are going to your birthplace and that in itself will be educational.

CheerfulYank · 05/06/2013 13:25

I'd take them out for sure. :)

Redlocks30 · 05/06/2013 13:25

Absolutely go. Tell DH that he can stay at home.

mumofthemonsters808 · 05/06/2013 13:26

I'd be tempted to go as it is a once in a lifetime opportunity. However, I don't know where you would stand with the school in relation to your Year 7 child who would have only just started high school in the September. Personally I do not think a 2 week holiday is going to ruin their education. At our school a lot of Asian children are taken to Pakistan for longer periods so there must be some discretion the HT could use.

Your mum is a gem what a lovely thing to do.

treas · 05/06/2013 13:27

I am generally very anti taking children out of school during term time but even I would say these were exceptional circumstances.

Go for it!

sonlypuppyfat · 05/06/2013 13:29

It's a no-brainer please go, why people put so much importance on school is beyond me. Have you used everything you ever learned at school in your life? You will be giving them memories that will last a life time.

zippey · 05/06/2013 13:30

You're DH has a point, but its a one off - why not go? Speak to the school and maybe ask what topics the children would have covered so they dont miss out of schoolwork.

I agree that there is more to life than school. What a great treat for everyone involved!

specialsubject · 05/06/2013 13:37

actually I always use the skills I learned in school - literacy, numeracy, science etc etc.

the child in term 1 of year 7 may be an issue.

shame the wedding isn't in December as you could go in school hols and hit the start of summer there.

NZ won't go away. Be aware that it is a monster trip and a huge time change, and you may find you will be out of it for four days at each end.

Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 13:42

Go. What on earth are they going to miss at their age in school they can't possibly make up?

Plan a project to give in to teacher about trip if its stops dh moaning? Silly man.

sonlypuppyfat · 05/06/2013 13:43

Sorry I forgot I always have my logarithm book with me!

Tailtwister · 05/06/2013 13:44

Another vote for going. It's sounds like a huge deal and would mean a lot to your mum.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 05/06/2013 13:44

Omg go this is a once in a lifetime thing. You can always ask school to email homework or something. It's too good an opportunity to miss!!

WeAreSix · 05/06/2013 13:45

Chance of a lifetime... Grab the opportunity and go!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/06/2013 13:46

I would go for it. I am usually a bit precious about people taking their children out of school but this is not a random holiday but a big family event. Its unlikely to occur again during their time in school so it is a one-off. It won't devastate their education to miss a couple of weeks once.

tiredaftertwo · 05/06/2013 13:47

I am normally really hardline about this, and I would say: definitely go if it is early November and can be tied into half term so less than two full weeks out of school; probably go if not, unless there are particular academic or social concerns for your younger dc starting in yr 7 or the school makes a massive fuss. I would definitely approach the school and lay it on thick, politely.

It sounds likely to be the only family occasion during your dcs' secondary education - that is really exceptional, and your dc are entitled to a chance to get to know their family .

The rules apply to everyone - it is not a parental judgement about whether education matters, what they will miss, etc etc - the school and LA have to apply the rules and the law. But people have a right to a family life too and in your circumstances, this is the way to give them that. They may then stay in touch with skype and facebook and so on, so the benefits in terms of family life could last for years.

dopeysheep · 05/06/2013 13:47

If your DH doesn't want to go ( is it just the time off svhool or other issues at play?) would you consider going by yourself? Is that an option?

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