Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to take children out of school for this

129 replies

wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 13:16

I have 2 DC currently yr 6 and yr 7. My niece in NZ (where I am from) is getting married in November. We weren't going to go as apart from anything else we cant afford it. My mum rang yesterday and offered to pay for the fares (which is the main cost since we would stay with family whilst we were there) as she really wants the whole family to be there. This is a lot of money for her but she really would like us there and is quite elderly and says this might be the last family wedding she goes to (though I certainly hope she is wrong about that).

It is a big family occasion and we don't really have that many family occasions - last one was 8 years ago. The whole family are close and all live very close to each other etc so even though it is my niece, it does seem to me to be someone in my close family if you see what I mean, although to be fair I don't see/talk to her much these days as I live over here and she has a busy life and not much interested in her auntie in England. But I still really would feel I was missing something big on my side of the family.

DH just doesn't want to consider it as he thinks it simply isn't possible to take the DC out of school - they would be in year 7 and year 8 and I think we would have to take them out for 2 weeks in November. We would need to get there in time to get over the worst of the jet lag, and having spent that much on the trip I think we would have to stay that amount of time to see my mum etc.

I honestly don't know if IABU. I haven't even asked the school as DH is so set against it.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 05/06/2013 14:40

I would take them out.

Original poster
wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 14:47

Wow, I had to do some work but have come back on here and almost all the posts say I should go!! I am worried I have misled you all a little in the sense that my DC have been there before - we save up for ages and have taken them 3 times so far, once as little ones when we didn't have to pay for their fares if I recall (what a horror journey that was), and twice over school holiday times - the most recent was almost 2 yrs ago and we were talking about saving to go again next summer (August 2014). My mum would probably have helped out with that - she cant travel to see us so offers to help out a little. So it really is the wedding that we would be going for. I just feel so sad at the thought of everyone else being there and us not there. On the other hand it is a lot of money and I feel a bit guilty if mum pays it all, and DH isn't happy about school. The DC quite happy to miss school - DS doing very well at school so unlikely to be a big deal for him, DD struggles a bit to be honest and missing two weeks early on in year 7 could be a problem I suppose. We have never taken them out of school before except when ill. But it would be nice to go back when the weather is nice even if only for a short time.

OP posts:
ipswitch · 05/06/2013 14:57

I would taken them at the drop of a hat. Sounds a fab opportunity.

Much more to a rounded education than 4 classroom walls. They are very young still and will not miss anything that important.

Smilehappy · 05/06/2013 15:00

Take them!! Once in a lifetime trip! Smile

By the sounds of it your minds made up your just needing reassured due to DH.

Gooooo!!!

orangepudding · 05/06/2013 15:01

Go for it, have a great time!

5madthings · 05/06/2013 15:05

Go!

We took ds1 out for a week in yr 7 and ds2 will be having a week off in tr 7 as well as dps job means he cannot get school holidays off. Our schools have been very understanding. It seems to vary from school to school but in these circumstances i would go.

spg1983 · 05/06/2013 15:16

I am a teacher and would do the same in your position (i.e. go!) however I would urge you to check beforehand about the yr8 child's setting process. In our school we let them have a few weeks to settle in and then test them around half-term to see which sets they should be in. Of course there are always some anomalous results so there is a bit of jiggling about over the subsequent couple of weeks but after that the sets are fixed due to constraints with science equipment etc (they don't want to buy and store 10 sets of the same equipment so all the groups rotate on topics studied throughout the year and a change of group would mean doubling up on some things and missing out on others.)

I think you just need to check that firstly your child won't miss any of that process but secondly that they won't be disadvantaged in any way if the teacher discovers they are potentially in the wrong set in December instead of November. The problem we'd have in our school is that a movement upwards in the middle of the year would be pretty much impossible due to set sizes so it needs to be done as close to the initial setting period as possible.

I'm honestly not trying to scaremonger but just think it's something which needs checking as it could have consequences lasting the entire school year.

CMP69 · 05/06/2013 15:16

Go, its a chance for them to see another country, much more beneficial that school!!!

MadeOfStarDust · 05/06/2013 15:42

So they've already been there 3 times - not exactly a once in a lifetime trip! They've seen the country, the relatives etc - it is just for a wedding of their cousin - if I've read correctly - I'm with your DH - sorry I would not take them out of school for 2 weeks.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/06/2013 15:44

I wouldn't have even blinked before I'd said YES!!!!
Gooooo!
It's not like you have ever done anything like this before. It's a big family wedding and you should be there.
Enjoy it!

SanityClause · 05/06/2013 16:00

I'm with StarDust, on this.

They've been to NZ before, and will be able to go again fairly soon. If you want warmer weather, take them at Christmas, when, in some years, you can squeeze out 3 weeks by only taking them out of school for a couple of days at the end of term.

This is for your mother, not your children.

Is the disruption to their schoolwork really worth it so your mother can see them at your sister's wedding for one day? Really?

SanityClause · 05/06/2013 16:02

Sorry, not even your sister - your niece!

lljkk · 05/06/2013 16:29

That only counts as 2 previous journeys, they won't remember the time they went when very little.

It will be 4+ years since DC went, DS3 doesn't remember ever going and other DC don't have a huge number of memories of previous visits.

Original poster
wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 16:58

DC don't remember much of earlier visits except the one in 2011 but really for me the issue is being part of the family occasion as I do appreciate we can/will visit another time. Also my Mum has said it is important to her and since my Dad died (several years ago) she has also been unwell. You just never know. It is a difficult decision if I don't have DH support.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 05/06/2013 17:12

I'm a teacher. There would be no problem with authorising that absence I'm my school for that reason. (Providing they have a reasonable attendance record!

plainjaney · 05/06/2013 17:15

Go! With bells on!

I'm sure 2 weeks experiencing all the sites and sounds of travel in this case will far outweigh 2 weeks in school.

Give them a little camera each, get them to document the trip, that way they are learning, they can show their Teachers and friends the things they saw when they return and they will have a great memory of it when they are older.

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 05/06/2013 17:29

I took my son out of school every year for 2/3 weeks to visit his Aunt and Cousins in the US. The school was always very supportive.

lljkk · 05/06/2013 17:32

Teachers will not be interested ime... but good for the children's own njoyment.
It's really hard to tell your distant family they must plan all special events in school holidays only (UK school holidays, even). I have missed countless weddings & my Grandmother's 80th birthday bash. Between high expenses and threat of school penalties, I highly recommend not raising your children in another country. :(.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 17:34

I'm really not sure why the OP is asking.

It's irrelevant what we all think. You'll have posters saying school is irrelevant compared with visiting family, others that say school will want to see a journal (really?) and others who think teachers will be happy to make the time to mark work the children may or may not have done while on holiday (I'm guessing not!).

Ask the school - don't waste time asking what people on here think.

That's the only way you'll find out whether the planned absence will be authorised or not.

Original poster
wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 17:46

I guess I was asking on here because DH first and only reaction was "no way can we take them out of school for that" and he was pretty set on that view which upset me to be honest.

So I thought if I come on here I would get honest viewpoints as to how reasonable DH view was, and if everyone else said it was not really advisable/reasonable to try and take out of school then I would have taken that on board. My own view is obviously biased because it is my family.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 05/06/2013 17:53

It's perfectly understandable why you are asking on here OP.

You obviously want to canvas general opinion especially as your DH isn't in agreement.

I presume that's why most people post on AIBU - to see whether they are are not, to justify their viewpoint or change it if someone comes up with opinions they haven't thought of before SuburbanRhonda

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 17:58

Yes I understand that, OP, what I'm saying is, the only thing that really matters is whether the school authorise this holiday or not.

If they authorise it, your DH is reassured and it matters not a jot what anyone else thinks.

I'm on the fence about your particular issue, tbh, but it does irk me how these threads bring out the school-bashers, who don't seem to realise that schools can fail an Ofsted inspection for not taking poor attendance seriously.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 17:59

Yes, I know why people post on AIBU, bowlersarm, it's just that if the OP asked school and they authorise the absence, it's irrelevant what we all think, so if it were me, I'd have asked the school first.

McNewPants2013 · 05/06/2013 18:00

Go.

Even teachers can get time off for term time weddings.

thebody · 05/06/2013 18:01

Go without a moments hesitation.

My dh worked away and when he was off that wax the junky time for a family holiday and to reacquaint himself with us all.

Far far more important than school. They arnt doing GCSEs at that age.