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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to take children out of school for this

129 replies

wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 13:16

I have 2 DC currently yr 6 and yr 7. My niece in NZ (where I am from) is getting married in November. We weren't going to go as apart from anything else we cant afford it. My mum rang yesterday and offered to pay for the fares (which is the main cost since we would stay with family whilst we were there) as she really wants the whole family to be there. This is a lot of money for her but she really would like us there and is quite elderly and says this might be the last family wedding she goes to (though I certainly hope she is wrong about that).

It is a big family occasion and we don't really have that many family occasions - last one was 8 years ago. The whole family are close and all live very close to each other etc so even though it is my niece, it does seem to me to be someone in my close family if you see what I mean, although to be fair I don't see/talk to her much these days as I live over here and she has a busy life and not much interested in her auntie in England. But I still really would feel I was missing something big on my side of the family.

DH just doesn't want to consider it as he thinks it simply isn't possible to take the DC out of school - they would be in year 7 and year 8 and I think we would have to take them out for 2 weeks in November. We would need to get there in time to get over the worst of the jet lag, and having spent that much on the trip I think we would have to stay that amount of time to see my mum etc.

I honestly don't know if IABU. I haven't even asked the school as DH is so set against it.

OP posts:
Original poster
wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 18:04

Fair enough, I understand what you are saying. I guess I now feel that it would not be unreasonable of me to at least ask the school!! After DH reaction I had wondered if the school would think I was being ridiculous but it seems that a lot of people think it would be okay so I feel more confident to approach them.

I also have to convince DH that it is worthwhile and at the moment I think that battle might be harder as he may be hiding behind the school excuse.

OP posts:
INeedtoDrinkLess · 05/06/2013 18:04

pls don't expect busy teachers to provide work for yr kids who should be in school. respect the fact that this makes extra work for teachers. but by all means go on this trip of a lifetime. enjoy Grin

pooka · 05/06/2013 18:04

Unlikely that a teacher would take 2 weeks off mid term for a wedding though.

JenaiMorris · 05/06/2013 18:07

I seriously doubt that any of the dozen or so teachers who take the OP's children's classes will be especially interested or impressed by a "holiday journal" or a series of snaps.

They might think it's sweet, but considering that they each have another couple of hundred pupils to worry about, they won't have time to give it much consideration.

I suspect that the posters suggesting these are confusing the years the children are in with their ages Confused

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 18:08

Just what I was saying upthread ineedtodrinkless.

In one school I know, they ask the child's parents to mark the work before it's handed in.

Remotecontrolduck · 05/06/2013 18:12

Go. Honestly the over-reaction and hysteria that occurs on here when people even suggest taking a child out of school, like three days/a week/two weeks once in a lifetime will ruin a child's education and consequently result in them failing all their exams and becoming binmen for the rest of their lives....

They could get struck down by a nasty bout of flu and need two weeks off, I doubt they'd be fucked educationally then. It's a big event, could be your mothers last. Just go. They don't need work really either.

plainjaney · 05/06/2013 18:14

JenaiMorris you miss the point of the journal entirely. Its not to show teachers more to encourage memories for the child and to have something for them to look back on.

Whilst I expect the children will be keen to show them to their teachers I dont expect the teachers would look too deeply into it, rather just give platitudes to please the child.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 18:19

remote, are people really saying any of those things?

chocoluvva · 05/06/2013 18:22

It should be easy to keep in touch with the children's school while you're away - Skype and Facebook spring to mind, not to mention email. They could email work to their schools to avoid masses of missed work when they get back.

Would it be practical for them to attend school in NZ for some of the time?

IMO your DH is either using school absence as an excuse not to go because he doesn't want to go or is very anxious about your DC's education. If it's the latter there should be ways round this.

You go girl and have a lovely time!

chocoluvva · 05/06/2013 18:25

It's actually quite easy to power through a pile of work fairly easy when you're not at school as a lot of time at school is spent faffing around going from class to class, lining up, waiting for pupils to settle down, doing the register etc.

They could do a lot in 2 or 3 hours and still have a nice time.

chocoluvva · 05/06/2013 18:25

*easily - sorry.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 18:28

But realistically, chocoluvva, does any child "power through" school work while on holiday?

MadeOfStarDust · 05/06/2013 18:50

Can't you go alone OP - if it appears hubby doesn't want to.. education/time/cost/being beholden to your mum/whatever it is..... let hubby follow the courage of his convictions and take care of the kids whilst you are away?

HappyMummyOfOne · 05/06/2013 18:53

Surely when people arrange a wedding in term time they do so in the knowledge that those with children are unlikely to attend.

I agree with your DH, its not a once in a lifetime trip but a regular one and not worth losing school over?

Iggi101 · 05/06/2013 19:06

I normally think the reasons people give for taking dcs out of school are quite trivial, but a paid-for trip to the other side of the world, for a wedding - hell yes you should go.
And I would be interested in getting them to tell their class about the highlights when they return!

Original poster
wouldliketobethere · 05/06/2013 19:15

Well if we did go for 2 weeks I would not really plan to do school work unless the school actually gave it to us to do I wouldn't ask for it - realistically I would expect to be on a plane, jet lagged, going to a wedding, seeing family and friends and making the most of the very limited time we will have there. I would be happy to do catch up work with the children when we got back.

I am sure if we did not go everyone would understand - the dates had to take a lot of people's work and other commitments into account plus the availability of a particular special venue. I perfectly understand that they cant also take account of British term times! The groom's work situation was a main factor as far as I understand it.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 19:16

iggi, are you a teacher? If so, do you teach secondary?

You do know, don't you, that they don't do show and tell at secondary?

What highlights are there going to be from a family gathering that any other 12-13 year old is going to be interested to hear about?

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 19:19

wouldliketobethere, sounds like you're starting to talk yourself out of it ...

JRY44 · 05/06/2013 19:22

Go and enjoy.

mymatemax · 05/06/2013 19:25

GO!! Schools grant leave for religious or cultural worship... tell them its a NZ tradition & the bride cant marry without her aunty & cousins present :)

thebody · 05/06/2013 19:28

Surburban.. Lol at the show and tell comment

auntpetunia · 05/06/2013 19:33

You can go if you want but it won't be authorised, as of September Head Teachers are not allowed to authorise any holiday except for service personnel or death's in the family! This is due to a change in the legislation by the current government.

FirstStopCafe · 05/06/2013 19:33

Yes I'd take them

DeskPlanner · 05/06/2013 19:39

Go. School is important, but so is family. It sounds like its very rare for your family to all be together in one place at the same time.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/06/2013 19:54

deskplanner, it's probably rare for any family to be together if half of them live on the other side of the world Wink