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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DP over £2000 he 'accidently' threw away with the rubbish?

226 replies

mumstonic · 04/06/2013 16:57

I think this has to be the final straw really.

We run a business. Its a struggle. Just when I think we're finally turning a corner I discover the DP had accidently thrown out an envelope with just over £2000 in it. We were paid by a customer on Friday, the money was due to go into the bank today and now its in a landfill somewhere.

Gutted is an understatement. Just another careless idiotic thing in a long line. I hate running this business, I've had enough and I just want to leave.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 08:48

I'd be careful about checking his credit report. I'm pretty sure you can only check your own details and this will show any associated accounts you hold with other people.

You can't just enter someone else's details in and check their credit history- even if it is your husband. Well you probably physically can do it but I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

Original poster
mumstonic · 05/06/2013 08:55

Thank you so much for all your replies.

The sad thing is, either story is plausible. He really is careless enough to have thrown it away. It's not the first time he's thrown something valuable away. His driving licence, receipts for items we need to insure, a V5 document; in fact on one occasion a policeman returned his passport that had been found in a tesco carpark!

Equally he has previous form for lying and though this would be one of the lowest stunts he's pulled, I can't be sure he hasn't taken it. That alone is enough to leave isn't it?.. The trust just isn't there.

We run a business together, so separating is going to be difficult. I just don't know where to start? The business has only been trading again for 6 months, but already turns over a sizeable amount. (Was originally set up 4 years ago, but a poor business decision on DP's part forced us to wind down). I never really wanted to start up again, the pressure is too much. I also haves FT job which in itself is stressful and with 3 DC's to look after I'm at melting point. The business cannot function without my input, I do the lions share if the work.

OP posts:
Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 08:56

Mums, how are you? Are you ok? Hugs x

claudedebussy · 05/06/2013 08:57

how on earth do you manage a ft job and run a business with 3 dc's??

surely it makes sense to ditch the loser and the business? wind it up, take a break, take stock. then when you're ready start up the business on your own again.

but you gotta get rid of the baggage.

Original poster
mumstonic · 05/06/2013 09:01

wishi, I'm okay thank you.

I went to my mums last night, which probably wasn't the wisest move as my mother can be quite difficult. When I arrived home, DP hardly spoke, just hung his head in shame, until 11.00pm when he expected to me to start working. I was so angry I just went to bed, but couldn't sleep.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 09:01

As many have said, the way he is acting now is a good indicator of whether he is lying.

How did he say it happened and what has he done about looking for it?

Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 09:05

Ok. Just saw ur post. Take a breath a minute. What do you want to do? Not feel you should but actually want to do?

If its stay then you need to talk. Immediately.

If its leave then you need to carry on as normal but make an appointment with a solicitor specialising in business.

If you are the lions worker do you want to keep the business? Leave the business? Can it support you alone? Do you need or prefer your ft employment? You also need to think about asking him to leave or changing the locks.

You sound a practical person. Put a plan together.

tabulahrasa · 05/06/2013 09:08

I had £2000 in an envelope from a customer a couple of weeks ago...it's about the size of a house brick...not something small like a driving licence or a piece of paper.

There's no way in the world you could throw it out and not notice it.

Wishiwasanheiress · 05/06/2013 09:09

Your watching him, do you think he's genuine? Even I nearly felt sorry for the daft muppet then!

Original poster
mumstonic · 05/06/2013 09:11

As soon as I noticed it had gone, I called him up and he came home immediately and turned the house upside down, emptied bins and started shouting. Of course like everything, he started blaming me, why didn't I bank it on Saturday?! (fair point and yes I do take my share of the blame for this), I'm an idiot, I should have taken better care etc.... Then came the denial, I saw no envelope it wasn't me it must have been you. Only after he calmed down he admitted he probably did chuck it out along with a load of other stuff.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 09:16

It does all sound too convenient. If he chucked it out your bin must have been collected on Monday for it to have gone.

What are the chances of getting cash from a customer for the first time on Friday, him chucking over the weekend and it being collected on Monday? Slim to none I would have thought.

Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 09:18

What a shit blaming you first then admitting it was 'probably' him!

LEMisdisappointed · 05/06/2013 09:23

I think you need to think very carefully about what you want to happnen because you must be so so angry and upset just now. £2000 is a ridiculous amount of money to lose but if you are thinking about leaving your DP then I actually think you need to put this out of the equation (unless of course he has actually stolen it, then its a no brainer, but i think that only you can answer that - don't be swayed by what people have said on here, they don't know you or your DP so cannot possibly make that judgement).

If things are not good between you, then this is the final straw, fine - then you know what you have to do. However, if he is just a bit hapless, then do you really want to leave him for that? My DP is fecking useless (but to a degree so am i) at being organised and would lose his head if it wasn't screwed on. He makes lousy business decisions and we struggle financially becuase of it sometimes. I should be supporting him more, so again take my side of the blame for that (there are reasons behind this though). But leave him? No, why would i? I love him to bits.

Can you see what im trying to say here, badly? Don't break up over £2000 its only money - but if things are generally crap, yes, leave you'll be happier in the long run. If you leave over a single incident, you may regret it.

Belchica · 05/06/2013 09:31

Sorry to say this, but if you don't normally handle this amount of money in cash and he's a bit of a feckless arse normally and has suddenly found himself with 2 grand in his hand....I think he's got a bit excited and taken it. OP you said he was selfish, irresponsible and entitled....all those notes winking at him may well have got the better of him. I hope something great happens to you this week to offset the loss.

Original poster
mumstonic · 05/06/2013 09:32

Bank holiday meant collection day was Saturday, so the money would have gone on then. He tidied up that morning, heard the refuse truck and quickly put a load of rubbish in a bag, I even took the bag outside! I didn't know what room the rubbish was from, didn't think to check. Yesterday, I planned to go to the bank but discovered the money gone. I should have taken more care, put it somewhere safe. Yes, I feel just as much to blame really.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 05/06/2013 09:37

Actually, to be fair, if the money was just left in a pile of stuff then yes, i think there is equal blame.

babyfatbutt · 05/06/2013 09:41

Och, don't go blaming the OP.

Bearbehind · 05/06/2013 09:54

Did you really just leave £2k in cash lying around in a pile of stuff? If so I think you are both to blame.

His story sounds more plausible now. I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but if you'd put it in a safe place you'd have known if it had been deliberately moved or that it could not possibly have been chucked out.

As it is, it doesn't sound like you'll find out the truth but the fact you don't trust him says a lot about your relationship.

DameFanny · 05/06/2013 10:02

If you've got a full time job already then leave. Our if the business is profitable keep it and throw him out.

Sounds like the most stressful part of your life is your h - if he wasn't involved you'll have more headspace and cope with everything better.

See a solicitor asap.

MysteriousHamster · 05/06/2013 10:48

Ah I know that feeling of rushing for the rubbish men! I had assumed he'd probably taken it, but now leaning to it could be plausible.

The problem is he sounds like very hard work anyway, and he's pushing you into a role you don't want, making you work around the clock.

Wouldn't life just be 'nicer' without him?

RiotsNotDiets · 05/06/2013 11:02

Everything else aside, you don't sound as if you even like him OP, let alone love him.

I'm wondering if you've come on here to get permission to end it? You don't need that from us. If you're not happy and it can't be fixed you know what you need to do.

tabulahrasa · 05/06/2013 11:44

I still say it's too big to throw away with a pile of other stuff, an envelope yes, and envelope with that much money in it - no way.

thebody · 05/06/2013 11:52

I just don't understand how either of you could just leave such a huge amount of cash lying around on the side so to speak.

We have cash and business cheques and they go upstairs immediately on top of the wardrobe.

Your Dcs might just as easily tore it up/ threw it away.

Yousound like you are doing far far too much with working FT, 3 kids and a business.

Accident waiting to happen.

Feel so sorry for you though and if dh really genuinely threw it away then he must be devestated.

cumfy · 05/06/2013 12:35

He threw it away and is trying to blame you for not banking it ? Hmm

It sounds like he is treating you as his slave.

Have you thought of taking the DC on a "break", I really think you'd benefit from some time and space to gain perspective.

HopALongMcLimpyLegs · 05/06/2013 12:50

Bollocks has he thrown it in the bin, sorry but I'm guess he has taken it. Pack your stuff and your kids and LTB. Please.