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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 4 year old is too old for nappies?

114 replies

TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/06/2013 23:20

Old charge of mine, a month or two away from starting school. He wore a nappy 24/7 and never used a toilet/potty. Ever. He would do at least one MASSIVE poo a day, would never say when he had gone or that he needed to go. It was only until the smell hit you or you noticed it coming out of the top of his nappy... (I'm talking a too-big for nappy job, always very soft.(TMI sorry!) When I changed him I always had to stick him in the shower it was so messy and it STANK)

Parents not bothered, I was only temp PT so i couldn't train him though I tried to encourage him to tell, use a potty etc.

AIBU to think a 4 year old shouldn't need a nappy during the day?

(he doesn't have SN)

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 02/06/2013 23:25

perhaps he has toddler diarrhoea if it is always soft and squishy. grown ups sometimes have accidents when they have diarrhoea, being small may make it even more difficult to know it is coming.

4 is also too early in many cases to get a diagnosis of, for example, autism as it is a long process to get to that stage.

maybe he has spd. may be the neves around his bowels and bladder are not so well developed and he can not tell when he needs to go.

HollyBerryBush · 02/06/2013 23:27

You don't have to have SN to have bowel problems.

ItsallisnowaFeegle · 02/06/2013 23:27

I think there are many reasons why your charge could have required the continued use of nappies.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/06/2013 23:27

Well did he have special needs?

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 23:28

Maybe he has some sort of condition that is not helping? And as yet it is undiagnosed?

topknob · 02/06/2013 23:29

You are an idiot tbh, my son who has various sen didn't stop using a nappy at night til about 7..judgemental people like you make me sick HTH !

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 02/06/2013 23:30

My dd wore a nappy until she was three, and night time pull ups until 7.
I wasn't that bothered, tbh. I could have pushed harder, probably, but she mastered it in the end.
She is 12 now and definitely nappy free Grin
No lasting effects from tardy toileting.

Not nice for you, admittedly. Though I imagine it comes with the job!

snala · 02/06/2013 23:30

My son is nearly 4 and has only just come out of nappies. He starts school on September. He just.wasnt. Ready. Emotionally he still needed it.
Maybe keep your nose out?

snala · 02/06/2013 23:32

*in

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/06/2013 23:32

Does he have sen or bowel problems?

If not then you're probably not being unreasonable.

cornypedicure · 02/06/2013 23:32

how do you know there is no SN?

cece · 02/06/2013 23:33

My 4 year old still uses a nappy at night and is not fully toilet trained for poos, so I often pop him in a nappy if I know one is on the way. Otherwise I have to clean at least one pair of pants per day. What do you suggest I do to change it then? BTW he is my 3rd DC.

Casmama · 02/06/2013 23:35

OP, if this is an old charge of yours, what made you post now and why in AIBU? You're not trying to start a bunfight are you?

Tweasels · 02/06/2013 23:38

Goady thread

McNewPants2013 · 02/06/2013 23:41

I would ask MN to remove this post, because you was paid to look after a child not judge the family or child.

is it even legal to be discussing a child on he internet which was in your care.

NonnoMum · 02/06/2013 23:42

He will be unlikely to be able to start school if he is still in nappies...

jojane · 02/06/2013 23:43

My son started school at 4 yrs 9 months and wearing nappies, we had tried EVERYTHING for 2.5 years, we managed to get him out of nappies and onto dry like me pads after a couple of months and now at 6.5 he o ly has an accident once a week - normally at home. He has some aspergers traits and being seen by a specialist.
An ordinary child shouldn't still be in nappies at 4 but sometimes parents can do everything possible with the help of teachers/doctors etc and it still isn't enough.

McNewPants2013 · 02/06/2013 23:45

NonnoMum, He will be able to because of the Disability Discrimination Act.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 02/06/2013 23:46

'He will be unlikely to be able to start school if he is still in nappies...'

A school can not deny a child a place. Children struggling to master going to the toilet are still entitled to an education, legally and morally. Some children are incontinent due to medical conditions, Spina Bifida for example. Of course they can still take their place in mainstream education.
They could, however, ask the parent to come to school to deal with nappy changes.

AllYoursBabooshka · 02/06/2013 23:46

YABU.

My niece had a horrible time with her bowels and could only poo standing up.

My DB and lovely SIL tried everything, trying to get any sort of testing/diagnosis done was next to impossible.

They probably didn't come across as "bothered by it" either because they didn't want my niece picking up on anything negative.

There could be any number of reasons here.

jollyhappy · 02/06/2013 23:48

Or they may have had another childminder that mucked up potty training.

I know of two toddlers who had issues with potty training and toilet training that was not helped at all by their childminders.

You don't know and you don't seem to have engaged with the parents on this at all.

Otherwise you wouldn't post in MN.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 02/06/2013 23:49

Well, under normal circumstance, yes, 4 is too old to be in nappies 24/7.

However, clearly there's a zillion and one reasons why a 4YO may still be in them, so YABU.

Crumbledwalnuts · 02/06/2013 23:50

I think so, yes. Being four and in nappies must mean a medical problem or some kind of extra need. If there's a medical problem and you are caring for the child, then you really should have been told about it. As you haven't, I don't think you're wrong to assume there's no medical problem, and that the child is old to be using nappies still.

NoelHeadbands · 02/06/2013 23:53

Of course YABU, there are many reasons why a 4yo may still need to use nappies. I'm surprised you had to ask tbh.

Sparklypinknails · 03/06/2013 00:03

I always find it uncomfortable when someone who works wih children says (or posts) something like this. I used to think people who worked in childcare didn't judge the children they were being trusted to look after and care for. I also used to think that all people who worked in childcare were understanding of the fact that not all sn will be diagnosed the instant a child is born. Switch your brain on!