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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 4 year old is too old for nappies?

114 replies

TheSeventhHorcrux · 02/06/2013 23:20

Old charge of mine, a month or two away from starting school. He wore a nappy 24/7 and never used a toilet/potty. Ever. He would do at least one MASSIVE poo a day, would never say when he had gone or that he needed to go. It was only until the smell hit you or you noticed it coming out of the top of his nappy... (I'm talking a too-big for nappy job, always very soft.(TMI sorry!) When I changed him I always had to stick him in the shower it was so messy and it STANK)

Parents not bothered, I was only temp PT so i couldn't train him though I tried to encourage him to tell, use a potty etc.

AIBU to think a 4 year old shouldn't need a nappy during the day?

(he doesn't have SN)

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 03/06/2013 00:17

i agree Sparkly.

I would hate to think DS teacher was talking about my son in a negitive way to total random people on an internet site.

TokenGirl1 · 03/06/2013 00:20

I've had my wee trained 4yo in nappies all week due to the leakage she has from chronic constipation. We were getting through 5 pairs of knickers a day at least!

We are doing everything to get it sorted before school in September. She is nowhere near trained at night, her nappies are always full of wee. We genuinely believe that the signals in her nerve endings aren't yet developed for night time dryness.

I feel like a crap parent because of this but we are at our wits end with trying to get the constipation sorted. Posts like this make me feel even more crap. You don't really know the situation at home so something could be going on there or an undiagnosed medical condition.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 03/06/2013 00:23

Re-reading the OP, this is clearly a goady thread.

The child isn't even under the OP's current care.

I hope nobody minds, but I'm going to report this, as I don't think the thread is in the spirit of MN, i.e., in any way supportive of a parenting issue.

TheBuskersDog · 03/06/2013 00:39

Having had a child with special needs who was waaay older than 4 before he was out of nappies and a 'normal' child who was out of nappies totally by 2 1/2 (both boys), I think yes, you should be able to expect a child to be out of nappies by 4.

If there is a reason that the child is not toilet trained then I would expect the parents to share this with anybody caring for the child. Surely if you are caring for a child you would discuss this with the parents?

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 03/06/2013 00:46

My son is 4, out of nappies but still poos himself several times a day. If we're lucky that is and he's not withholding and causing impactions.

He doesn't have a dx yet but likely will once he's older.

He's starting school in September and luckily his teacher is a lot more understanding and sympathetic than you op and has said it won't be a problem, if he soils at school the sna will bring him out of class and ring me (I'm across the road).

Children with continence issues are stressful and worrying enough for parents without judgemental, ill informed idiots passing comment.

MrsDimples · 03/06/2013 00:47

My daughter is a few weeks off being 4. She has never done a wee or poo on a potty or toilet. She gets highly distressed when left for a few seconds without a nappy on.

If you go through the list of stuff for being ready to train, she isn't. She has no inclination what so ever. Bribery doesn't work. I rarely get to use the toilet alone, so she knows what is going on, always been open about bodily functions. Nursery / preschool have tried talking to her. Got the books etc etc. I've managed to get her to sit on the potty - that she chose - twice, fully clothed, with major blackmail.

I have contacted the GP & HV and been told it isn't an issue until she is 5.

YABU

MrRected · 03/06/2013 01:11

OP you probably are BaBU expecting all four year olds to be out of nappies in the day.

YADNBU being expected to clean it up yourself. Having to shower off a charge because they poo in their pants is one of those things - and to be expected once in a while. To have to do that every day or try to wipe it off when it's all squished in, is nothing short of disgusting.

As a parent, I don't think I would have guts to ask somebody else to do it.

IRCL · 03/06/2013 01:21

YABU.

All children are different and develop at different rates.

DD (3 and a half) has only just mastered wees let alone poos due to her witholding them.

Not everything is so black and white you know!

MammaTJ · 03/06/2013 02:43

My DS was in nappies for quite a long time. Until nearly 4 during the day, oh and still now at 6, 7 in September. I don't see him stopping that any time soon either.

Judge away, there are very good reasons for it.

Altinkum · 03/06/2013 03:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquinkiesRule · 03/06/2013 03:46

My oldest was only just out of pull ups in time for reception class when he was 4. He still wet his pants daily (just a little) every day as he was still new to it all, even though we had been encouraging him to use a potty since he was about 2.5 years.
He had night time pull ups till 7 he has turned into a fine adult who has no problems what so ever with using the loo.
Different kids learn this stuff at different ages, nothing wrong with it at all. I think a lot of it is to do with disposable nappies and pull ups that keep wetness away from the skin. My fully cloth nappy kids was a whole lot faster as she could feel when she went. I'd heard other mothers using cloth who had all kids train much earlier than ones with disposables.

RhondaJean · 03/06/2013 04:12

The average age off child to be potty trained is 8? Are you sure alt?

hazeyjane · 03/06/2013 05:13

He will be unlikely to be able to start school if he is still in nappies...

This is simply not true.

And op, yabvu, as others have said there are all manner of reasons why the child may have had difficulties. I would have thought this would have been something you discussed with the parents at the time, rather than an internet forum at a later date.

mrssprout · 03/06/2013 05:40

My DS was toilet training at about two & a half when he started daycare, they said he couldn't wear a pull up he had to wear undies. He had accidents all day every day for the 3 days he was there. At the end of day 3 I said we weren't coming back. He was so upset by this experience he totally refused to go anywhere near the toilet until he was almost 4 after the people at the new daycare let him wear his pull up, suggested he go to the toilet when the other kids did but didn't force or make a big deal of accidents. When he decided he wanted undies he was dry immediately day & night with only 1 or 2 accidents, but it didn't happen until he was ready. You have no idea what is behind this child still being in nappies & really have no reason to be concerning yourself with sharing this with people now .

Lastofthepodpeople · 03/06/2013 05:52

YABU - children are ready for potty training at different ages. Most do it around 2 or 3 years, but there are still the outliers who are ready earlier or later.
4 years is later than average but still within normal range, I would think. And of course, like others have said, there may be other issues. You really should know this if you're working with children.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 03/06/2013 07:33

Average age 8? Really? Hmm

It does grate when children start school in nappies because their parents couldn't be bothered to train them (yes, we've seen it at my school, more than once. The reception teacher made the children wear pants and they did well with a little support, showing that they were indeed ready).

However if the child isn't ready, the child isn't ready. There could be any number of reasons as outlined above. I hope to god my son trains before 4 but you can rest assured that if he isn't, it's not due to lack of effort on my part.

aladdinsane · 03/06/2013 07:37

op i am so glad you have never been in charge of my dcHmm

cory · 03/06/2013 07:45

There is often an assumption among those with no experience a) that any child with a medical problem will be seen straightaway, b) that any doctor who sees a child will know what is wrong with him, c) that any treatment will start at once and d) that any treatment will work straightaway. In actual fact, any of those steps can take years.

Before they have gone through steps a) and b), parents won't be in a position to tell you about the medical problem because they won't know themselves.

Loulybelle · 03/06/2013 07:45

My Nephew has ASD and only just got out of nappies, my DD only just got out of nappies in the holiday before reception.

Smudging · 03/06/2013 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsabelleRinging · 03/06/2013 07:52

Medical conditions and special needs aside, I don't think the OP is BU. It is lazy parenting, what is he going to do at school?

DeskPlanner · 03/06/2013 07:56

I'm so glad you have never looked after any of my children and I feel sorry for those you look after now. Imagine how the parents would feel if they found out you'd written this on the internet.Sad Sad

HSMMaCM · 03/06/2013 08:20

I have minded loads of children. One was struggling with toilet training as he approached school age. It was nothing to do with lazy parenting (as they had other children who were all trained younger) or anything medical. He just wasn't ready. His parents and I worked with his school and by the end of reception he was clean and dry.

ItsallisnowaFeegle · 03/06/2013 08:21

OP is nowhere to be seen... Hmm

greenbananas · 03/06/2013 10:04

Judging the child/parents is unprofessional and unkind. I'm another one who thinks the thread should be pulled. Even though mumsnet is anonymous, and no personal details have been given, this still breaches confidentiality.