wedding invitation - unbelievably rude or normal for today?

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Have received a wedding invitation from one of DH's cousins and her parents.

DH and I are invited to the evening do on the other side of London. 7.30

The wedding itself is in Central London at 2pm and we have been told we are welcome to attend that and it would be lovely if we do.

We have also received a covering note saying we aren't invited to the actual wedding breakfast because of expense/limit on numbers.

DH's elderly mother, now the most senior member of the family has been invited to the wedding breakfast and is not robust enough to cope with a full on day without being looked after, etc.

I think this is so wrong on so many counts: the expectation that we will dress up for an event in the middle of the day (both work full time) then have time to waste either coming home to cross London again later or have our own afternoon meal whilst killing time. The message that you have a whole day at my disposal but no although I want you there you aren't important enough to be catered for or for the formal part of the "do"

Also, DH's mother MIL is their guest, they know she will have to be taken to the wedding (at the church where she got married), taken to the reception, escorted to the evening party and brought home. Yet no effort has been made by the bride's family to offer to book her a london hotel, meet her from the station, etc. I think we are expected to care for their guest although it has beenmade crystal clear we are tier two guests, ie, not that important to the bride.

Now I think this is taking the piss big time and we should just formally decline adding a note that we trust they are liaising with MIL over her travel plans as she is elderly and a key family member. DH thinks we should just suck it up. We have had a rare row over this.

So, does the MNet jury think I'm being unreasonable? and if the little madam expects a present from me ....

DH fasted.

We did not have an out-dated two-tier wedding (though I couldn't speak to 'ridiculous').

I think, in the UK, there's roughly a 500 year gap between the first going out of fashion and the second coming into fashion.

Just saying ...

Wedding Breakfast

Interesting bit about historically "luncheon" not being a recognized meal. The things you learn through mumsnet.

It's easy enough to deduce the meaning of the name, but it's about 500 years out of date, as LDR states.

It used to be illegal to eat meat on Fridays, too.

Lunch is a vile non-word.

It really annoys me on here how people are really slated for having the wedding they want. If they have something that might be expensive the suggestion is that they are totally superficial and don't care about their guests.

As for an evening invitation being insulting, WTF??? Some people don't half get snippy about not getting a free meal.

According to Scone's link, expat, it's only been called a breakfast for 180 years, and only because they didn't have a word for lunch

I thought the thing about fish Fridays was to guarantee a market for our fishing industry?

How's it getting snippy? a) I never hosts parties with the stingy notion that I'm somehow doing my guests a favour by providing them a 'free' meal (nor do I expect gifts for that) b) have whatever 'day' you want, those who have objections to it can say no, decline the invite and not go.

Simples.

To my knowledge, garlicgrump it's because Jesus was crucified on a Friday so no meat was meant to be eaten as a mark of respect/remembrance (which sounds a mildly crazy way to show respect, but hey ho). From an RC pov, anyway.

expatinscotland
Its sort of sad that you think people are rude when they would love to have you be a part of the celebration of their special day, but have financial constraints that prevent them providing a full sit down meal for everyone they would like to share their special day with (£145 -200 pp is not unusual - and that is outside London)

An evening invitation is the chance to welcome those people that they literally could not squeeze in ......people that they really do want to see, because evening guests also cost, and are also number limited. People they really don't care about will not have had an evening invite. Daytime reception space is so quickly filled by close family, from both sides....the list is over a hundred before you blink.

Working out a guest list is an absolute nightmare, because it doesn't matter what you do, or how large the list is, someone is always going to be offended because they see themselves as not having been given sufficient attention.

Why is it that people see young couples, trying their best to achieve a difficult balancing act, as discourteous.

Slightly snippy to be insulted/find them insulting, no?

If you accept people can have the day they want, why be insulted about them inviting you how they want?

I think it's pretty snippy to feel insulted that someone has invited you to celebrate their marriage.

No, I wouldn't host a party thinking that either. But then I wouldn't invite anyone who would bitch about it, making it clear that's how they feel.

People do have the opportunity to decline, which is fine. It's those like the OP who get ridiculously offended and bitch about it that get my goat.

So what usually appears on the invitation? Does it actually say "breakfast?" (My knowledge of UK weddings is limited to having attended one in Scotland many years ago and "Four Weddings and a Funeral."

Mine just said the venue and time. The evening ones said evening invitation on the front of the card.

It's only on brochures and that from the venues that it's really mentioned ime and not on most of those.

Varies a lot these days, from the old fashioned standard styling, to suit couples who are hosting themselves or who have more than just the brides parents to put on the invite as hosting.

This is the one my DD used, and is fairly normal I think.

The pleasure of your company
is requested at the marriage of
Miss XXXXX XXXXXX
to
Mr XXXX XXXX
at Whichever Church or Registry Office
on the date at the time
to be followed by a reception at
the venue

Carriages at time venue closes
Dress code if there is one
RSVP to contact address

YABVU and precious. Who do you think you are anyway?

Thanks, Jingnr and MumnGran. That is similar to wording in US, except there is a traditional etiquette convention that "pleasure of your company" is used if venue is not a church and "honour of your presence" when in a house of worship (and yes, in that context, traditionally the "u" appears in what would otherwise be "honor.")

Sorry correction Jengnr

I agree with expat, as per.

Think the two tier weddings convention is pretty crap tbh.

Thank gawd I don't ever plan to have a wedding.

so you can sit through the dull bit (the actual ceremony) but don't get the food afterwards? Sod that for a game of soldiers.

go to the evening bit. MIL will need to find someone who is free to help her in the day.

You cannot entertain yourself in Central London on a Saturday afternoon for several hours?

YAB weird.

A lot of wedding venues give you a package such that it's not possible to just have a wedding breakfast or just have an evening buffet - you have to have both.

Op, is the dress code tail coats for all men?

Scone ..... traditionally it is the same way here, and I would personally have preferred it that way .... but the kids thought it sounded old fashioned and pompous!
The one role that the MOTB is not supposed to take is an argumentative one!!

Should also have said that if the brides parents are still together, and paying for the wedding, then it is usually "Mr & Mrs X request .....at the marriage of their daughter ....

YABU - seems normal to me, although I personally wouldn't do it. You can choose what you want to go to.

I hate two tier weddings, the actual vows are the reason for the day and everything else is just extra. Would much prefer a basic wedding where all guests are equal than a lavish do where the couple have to have a two tier system so they can show off.

The one role that the MOTB is not supposed to take is an argumentative one!

Don't I know it; it is even more so for the MOTG. My son recently got married. Things had the potential to get a bit tense, and my sister had to remind me that the job of the MOTG is to "shut up, show up, and wear beige."