wedding invitation - unbelievably rude or normal for today?

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Have received a wedding invitation from one of DH's cousins and her parents.

DH and I are invited to the evening do on the other side of London. 7.30

The wedding itself is in Central London at 2pm and we have been told we are welcome to attend that and it would be lovely if we do.

We have also received a covering note saying we aren't invited to the actual wedding breakfast because of expense/limit on numbers.

DH's elderly mother, now the most senior member of the family has been invited to the wedding breakfast and is not robust enough to cope with a full on day without being looked after, etc.

I think this is so wrong on so many counts: the expectation that we will dress up for an event in the middle of the day (both work full time) then have time to waste either coming home to cross London again later or have our own afternoon meal whilst killing time. The message that you have a whole day at my disposal but no although I want you there you aren't important enough to be catered for or for the formal part of the "do"

Also, DH's mother MIL is their guest, they know she will have to be taken to the wedding (at the church where she got married), taken to the reception, escorted to the evening party and brought home. Yet no effort has been made by the bride's family to offer to book her a london hotel, meet her from the station, etc. I think we are expected to care for their guest although it has beenmade crystal clear we are tier two guests, ie, not that important to the bride.

Now I think this is taking the piss big time and we should just formally decline adding a note that we trust they are liaising with MIL over her travel plans as she is elderly and a key family member. DH thinks we should just suck it up. We have had a rare row over this.

So, does the MNet jury think I'm being unreasonable? and if the little madam expects a present from me ....

I think you should go married and then report back on the number of guests wearing white shoes, terrible corsages, inferiority of the champagne etc

Btw, does anyone else think Camilla Parker Bowles would be fantastic at a wedding? I imagine she would be brilliant value for money, so long as you laid in plenty of booze.

I enjoyed Paul Merton's tribute to her on Have I Got News For You last night.

That's ingesting to know that invitation to the church but not reception is considered a normal thing now. Learn summat on mumsnet every day.

Ingesting? Interesting.

Camilla would be handy at a wedding, I am sure she would give you some fags if you ran out.

I wonder what brand she smokes? I bet not Lambert and Butler.

I'm now thinking you should go to the ceremony, post photos on here and let us tear into the guests !

DH will take his mother to the church; and escort her to and from the meal. He will play his part with exceptional grace and if a family member says "oh where are you going" when he leaves the posh hotel for two hour walk about in his tail coat, he will be far too ppolite to say, "I'd love to join you but I wasn't invited". He will collect his mother and take her somewhere for tea and a rest then head on to the east End for the evening reception. I shall join them at that. Lesss rude than saying nah na na nah na we aren't coming and stuff MIL.

Nothing that has been said makes me feel this invitation is the right way o going about things but I accept IABU. Not so U that I shan't buy a very gracious gift from the department store gift list attched with the invitation.

I like CPB. I bet she smokes those multi coloured Sobranie cocktail fags.

Ooh where is the gift list? Peter Jones?

"Not so U that I shan't buy a very gracious gift from the department store gift list attached with the invitation."

Marlboro reds.

married - TBH, come on, that's not 'exceptional grace'.

It is thoughtless and rude of them but you're playing up to it now. They're going to have your 'graciousness' rammed down their throats at this rate.

For your own peace of mind, can you not make an irrational assumption that this is all the fault of whichever side of the family you don't know, and spend your time making acerbic judgements over the bride/groom's mother's hat and how she's no better than she should be? I believe that is the time-honoured way of getting over these things and much better than taking it out on the happy couple.

And what's the cheapest thing? Eighty quid?

getorf it's not an invitation to the church! As many people have pointed out already, a church wedding is technically a public event, so invitations aren't needed.

You need to go to the reception with a face on and sniff witheringly at the evening buffet.

That's what I would do.

Not really Janey68, it's been mentioned about three times already.

Ha you beat me to it OP. I was just going to say, now let's move on to the wedding gift list...

I beginning to wonder why you are considering accepting any part of the invite and why they considered inviting you in the first place.

Is this the sort of wedding to which one needs to wear a fascinator?

That's thread gold, right there.

Great stuff OP, though I would tell your hubby to stick a pair of short and t shirt in his bag for his 2 hour walkabout. Unless he wants to look like a right knobber

I still think though that to have that in the invitation anyway looks like they want to fill the church with guests in their finery to make it look like a well attended grand wedding and to fill the church up. And having that in the invitation makes it look like an obligation to go.

But i don't know, like I said I haven't had an invitation worded like this anyway, but accept that it could be perfectly normal and I am an insufferable judgemental bastard

Ooh no, fascinators would be infra dig.

Ooh, yes, wear a fascinator! Preferably something very expensive in an odd shape.

(I wore a fascinator to the last wedding I went to, it came from Accessorize.)

You also need to keep nipping to the loo to give us regular updates about what they're doing wrong as you'd have done differently.

Oh.

Infra dig.

Just photocopy the relevant page from Debretts, highlight the important paragraphs and pop it in an envelope with your letter declining the invitation. I guarantee that they will never offend you again by inviting you to the wrong bits of a wedding.

I would love to have the self assurance to wear a big hat like that big black thing Andie Macdowell wore in Four Wddings and a Funeral. But I think I would look like an enormous dickhead wearing such a thing and wouldn't be able to pull it off.