What was wrong with DD"s birthday food?

[TeapotsInJune]

My DD is two and I held a very small garden party/picnic. I am vegetarian and will not be buying meat for my daughter but I of course don't mind if other people eat meat! However, I personally won't buy it.

So for the food we had a couple of tables in the garden with egg and cheese sandwiches, salad, crisps, jelly, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and apple juice and sparkling grape juice to drink, plus iced water. I also had ice cream to go with the jelly but that wasn't out!

I then had a text from one of the women who is more the friend of a friend saying "not being funny but u obviously make ur choices but u shouldn't expect em to b made by others luv kids where dead hungry when they got in."

I am pretty cheesed off actually! That was my daughters birthday - it isn't as if I marched around snatching burgers off the children! Was the food I provided okay? I thought it was ...

Depending on time of day I would have expected something more than what was offered, not necessarily dinner at 2 of course. But if the party ran on til 5 and if the children were running around, splashing in water and having fun, then nibbles, jelly, and salads available throughout the afternoon might not have been enough.

Maybe you could assume the children ate lunch at around noon or 1 pm at home? In that case they would have been pretty hungry, and the fact that the junk vanished the sandwiches,salad and fruit had some left. Crisps and jellies all vanished! indicates to me anyway that the children would have eaten more junk if they had had a chance. You may disapprove of junk but it does have some food value whereas wholesome berries and sandwiches that are not eaten have none.

The rude woman who texted obviously has a bee in her bonnet about vegetarians (though I don't know how she would have known you were a vegetarian from what you offered unless you had previously made that known) but I don't think this is a vegetarian vs omnivore thing here, just a 'not enough junk, vegetarian or otherwise' problem.

I'm not being funny but that woman is illiterate.

It was at 2pm, Math, for approx 2 hrs. I can't believe I've just read this entire thread and know all the details!

Moaning mummy may have thought she could skimp on DC lunch, expecting pizza wodges and cake in short order. Never mind. Moaning mummy has delivered an almost-apology so am sure all will be well.

xposted!

I must go and watch some paint dry or something.

Teapots I would be genuinely relieved to go to a party like yours. Round here from 2 onwards the parties have been way over the top for my liking...fancy dress, themed invites, food, games, decor etc...so much so that I have never had a party for my 3 yr old because I have no help around and I work, I simply can't compete which is sad.

Jam determined to do something for her next birthday and it will be much as you have described except with a cake and biscuits maybe...in my experience she certainly eats very little at parties. Sorry you have been made to feel uncomfortable.

Agree completely wrt over the top parties, themes, costumes, etc., though an old neighbour had a lovely mermaid/under the sea party with the aid of a bubble machine and a friend willing to dress as The Little Mermaid and be friendly to small children for an afternoon. Neighbour set out craft tables where the children made stuff they got to take home, and a paddling pool. Beer and wine from coolers for the grown ups and everyone was happy going home.

"wholesome berries and sandwiches that are not eaten have none" sic - nutrition.

This was a small get-together for a 2YO's birthday. The OP wasn't planning to use it to pack maximum nutrients into the guests.

Apart from the waste, I'm always glad to see leftovers - means I supplied plenty of food - not that it would be much of a consideration for an afternoon gathering. (I used to feed my two before they went to parties if possible, to discourage them from stuffing themselves with junk (probably didn't work, but maybe worth a try).

The woman and her text sound awful, BUT it was a party. A few biscuits and buns, chunks of cheese, cheese straws etc wouldn't have gone amiss. I don't think you need to feed children sensible, healthy food at special occasions; treats are what's expected at a party, not everyday normal food.

She was just rude. Just because you didn't supply oodles of sugar and pizza/burgers doesn't invite a text from an acquaintance criticising you for not feeding her children to her standards.

Have just read your comments re sugar consumption. My DCs (16 and 10) have always had a very "normal" diet. So they don't drink fizzy drinks all day, and don't have tonnes of sweets. But they do have biscuits, cakes, fruit and fruit juice, particularly as treats and neither of them have ever had any discolouration of their teeth nor any fillings.

I can't help but feel you are being over-zealous with your sugar fixation; tbh I don't like artificial sweeteners which low-sugar products are full of.

Without reading... my DD was a very picky toddler and was quite likely to come home from a party hungry. I just sighed and fed her. No way would I have dreamed of blaming the party givers!

Anyone who starts a sentence 'I'm not being funny but...' should be taken out and shot. Unless they're Sarah Millican, who rarely is.

Effects of fruit juice on teeth. You are being a bit odd about sugar in all honesty. Dental hygiene is more important than the odd bit of glucose. Don't discount fructose (the natural fruit found in fruit) or lactose (the natural fruit found in milk) from your thinking either. Eating cake at a birthday party is not a big concern from a dental caries point of view, provided teeth are cleaned properly twice a day (says mother of four children who all have perfect teeth and are slim and muscular despite sometimes eating cake and biscuits at birthday parties, yes even as toddlers).

Off the top of my head, aren't crisps worse for teeth because they get stuck?

I hope you wrote back 'sorry I can't understand a word of that. Lovely to see you!'

just a 'not enough junk, vegetarian or otherwise' problem

Gosh, in all my years of feeding children, I have never seen "not enough junk food" set up as a "problem"!

Instead of taking offence in a rather middle class way, why not ask the texter to help with the food for your next children's party? So the balance of party crap vs healthy food is more, shall we say, conventional?

I don't think it is 'middle class' to be offended by such a rude text. In fact, I had heard a rumour that the 'working classes' are capable of being polite and considerate of others' feelings, but perhaps you know better.

I would have been happy to have been served your food.
I don't understand vegetarians (who I've seen, for instance, on Come Dine With Me) who don't eat meat on ethical grounds, but still go out and buy, prepare and cook meat for guests!
You're not forcing your morals on others! You fed them and entertained them, and that woman was ignorant and rude.
Don't take it to heart, she sounds thick as fuck, and is probably just spouting off shit that someone else has put in her head

Teapots, you've had so many responses but I felt compelled to add my own!

Please please do not feel like you've done anything wrong. The spread you provided was really lovely, but anyway people should be grateful for what they are given and honoured to have been invited. The rudeness of some people astounds me.

FWIW, I have sent my meat-eating children off to school today with egg and cress sarnies for my son, and marmite for my daughter, their choice.

Rise above it and be bloody proud of the effort you went to for your DD.

I don't see a problem with junk food at parties - it's expected. In fact I seem to be in the minority here but sometimes I do not feed DD after she has been to a party - she eats like a sparrow anyway and if there are chicken nuggets etc at the party then she will be full. However obviously on the odd occasion where there wasn't much food, I would never have dreamed of complaining!

I don't think there's anything wrong with having healthy food at parties either though as long as there is enough. I will probably do a mix for DD's party this month.

I have served similar food at my kids parties, and we arent even veggie! Egg sarnies are the most popular round here, always the first to go at parties.

I personally would have served fairycakes or cupcakes alongside the rest, buts thats only because I have to have cake at a party

NO ONE can serve the perfect toddler party tea, so dont worry about it. Not even the perfect Mumsnetter parents can

Op person was a loon.

Food was fine. My dd would've loved it.

I let my DS eat the contents of his party bag for his tea!

Don't say that, BlackAffronted! People will start putting crudités and little pots of houmous in party bags instead of packets of haribo and a big lump of cake.

The food sounds lovely. I am not vegetarian but my children rarely have ham and would have enjoyed your tea.

The woman was incredibly rude and I would never invite her again.

I think Tequilatequila hit the nail on the head when she said " Maybe they just weren't used to healthier options."