Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What was wrong with DD"s birthday food?

551 replies

TeapotsInJune · 01/06/2013 18:18

My DD is two and I held a very small garden party/picnic. I am vegetarian and will not be buying meat for my daughter but I of course don't mind if other people eat meat! However, I personally won't buy it.

So for the food we had a couple of tables in the garden with egg and cheese sandwiches, salad, crisps, jelly, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and apple juice and sparkling grape juice to drink, plus iced water. I also had ice cream to go with the jelly but that wasn't out!

I then had a text from one of the women who is more the friend of a friend saying "not being funny but u obviously make ur choices but u shouldn't expect em to b made by others luv kids where dead hungry when they got in."

I am pretty cheesed off actually! That was my daughters birthday - it isn't as if I marched around snatching burgers off the children! Was the food I provided okay? I thought it was ...

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 10:06

Vinegar - I have been told the veggie Percy Pigs from M&S are way too good for children Wink

VinegarDrinker · 02/06/2013 10:09

But cheese and egg sandwiches are perfectly normal things for both veggies and meat eaters to eat. So meat eaters are being catered for (unless as a pp said they only eat meat!).

TheSherrif · 02/06/2013 10:10

Excellent reply to her text Teapots I think the first one was sent in her imagined capacity as "she who must be obeyed". Then when you didn't instantly reply with some forelock tugging apology, she's realised she needs to be seen to be more reasonable. Loved your reply! And by the way, you'll get as many different suggestions about your food as there are posters on this huge forum. Remember, this was your get together, your daughter & your way is the way to go. Smile

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 10:13

Vinegar you are right but at 2 YO childrens tastes can still be fairly limited thats all. Most adults would be fine and TBH would not consider it vegetarian food as its just food! I don't necessarily think meat needed to be served just maybe more variety.

I think I worry way too much about what other people think and probably over cater if I'm honest, I worry about all eventualities rather than actually sticking out a few nibbles. I need to be more laid back I think.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 02/06/2013 10:13

I don't think anyone who doesn't feel comfortable handling or cooking meat should have to if they don't want to. It's what they believe and how they live and no one asks anyone share those beliefs just respect them for two measly hours. Would anyone expect a Muslim/Hindu/ Jewish person to cook food that they are forbidden to eat just because a few people can't cope without a ham sandwich for two hours???

If, as a veggi someone is happy to cook meat then fine. If not, then that's fair enough.

It's two hours no one died.

Given the age of the children and the fact that understanding is limited, then not unreasonable at all that everything out was suitable for the child to eat. A five/ six year old would know to ask or check. A two year old would just see and take.

lecce · 02/06/2013 10:15

I am astounded at the rudeness of that woman's text and I don't think anyone can really argue with that. However, I am a little Hmm at your recent comments about your dd's and other's teeth. I have been toying with posting on this thread since yesterday but didn't bother but it had occured to me that the one thing that would make me raise an eyebrow inwardly at the spread you offered would have been the high sugar content. Fruit, jelly, ice-cream, juice - all packed with sugar, allbeit mainly unrefined/natural. For a child like ds2, who hates sandwiches, there was nothing other than crisps and suagry stuff. I think it would have been nice to put out some breadsticks, hummous, cheese on sticks etc to cater for those who don't like bread but whose parents don't really want them to eat an entirely sugar-based snack/meal/whatever you want to call it.

However, I understand that you wanted it low-key and that you can't be expected to cater for every fussy toddler going. I have only posted because of your judgey and, imo, misguided comments about teeth. I am interested that you found time to peer into the mouths of your toddler guests and wonder if you have read about the large number of toddlers who suffer tooth decay as a result of too much fruit etc.

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 10:21

That's the way op, if a rude uneducated, illiterate woman is influential than you don't need eople like that, go with other like minded individuals

Jinsei · 02/06/2013 10:23

Jinsei - fair enough but we are all only talking from our own experiences here and out of my 10 closest friends 4 are vegetarians and they always cook meat. I think your point re chinese, pakistani friends is missing the point. I would never dream of inviting someone who is vegetarian and expecting them to eat just the random bits that happen to have no meat in them, I would specifically find something suitable to serve.

OK, I accept you're not being nasty so apologies for the Hmm. But I don't think I am missing the point, rather you are missing mine.

The food that the OP provided was all suitable for meat-eaters, and most meat-eaters probably eat a wide range of vegetarian foodstuffs in any case. This is quite different from vegetarians who cannot eat meat at all.

Yes, there might be some people who would prefer to eat meat, just as some of my dd's friends might prefer to eat Chinese/Pakistani/Portuguese party food, but there is not normally an expectation on hosts to cater for each and every individual preference like this. What is expected is that you cater to any genuine dietary restrictions - so we will not have any nut products at dd's party, as one of her friends is allergic, and we won't be handing out sweets with gelatine in them as her muslim friend won't be able to eat them.

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 10:23

MrsMelons op Provided mre than enough food considering te picnic was at 2pm and lunch would have jst finished an hour before so presumably people have eaten!

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 10:25

Exactly jensai I am a big carnivore but I would have found ops food perfectly fin and satisfying. We don't have to eat meat every single meal. In fact too much of it is not good fr you, especially little ones

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 10:28

Yes but the OP asked for opinions and we all gave ours. She did ask if the food was ok so I was assuming we were allowed to answer that.

I really meant no offence to anyone and many other people upthread have said similar things and made suggestions.

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 10:30

I know mrsMelons just really angry at the rudeness of some

Jinsei · 02/06/2013 10:34

Fair enough, MrsMelons, I am just pointing out that a meal isn't inherently incomplete without meat, whether the eaters are vegetarian or not. :)

xTillyx · 02/06/2013 10:37

Your food sounds fine. I eat meat and so does DD but we are both incredibly fussy aout what type/grissley bits so I'm always relieved when there's meat free food on offer. Always pick veggie options at weddings etc too x

lljkk · 02/06/2013 10:39

I was veggie for 17 yrs (environmental reasons) & it never would have even crossed my mind to serve meaty things at a party.
But I have still never understood people who made vegetarianism part of their identity.
So I am wonder if that's what OP does, and if that's what the text was really about, because texter felt OP was making a statement.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 02/06/2013 10:44

Leece, I agree, so why would I ADD to the sugar content with cake? Trust me, I wasn't peering int any child's mouth, but if a child is talking to you and you squat down at eye level, yes, you do notice discoloured teeth and ones with holes in them, and i don't think it's judgey to say I don't want DDs teeth to look like that so I do try to moderate her sugar intake.

If a child didn't like sandwiches they could have had salad and fruit, the jelly was very low in sugar too. Drinks were sugar free and iced water was out in jugs as well.

I really don't care today if people want to criticise it,it was more than adequate for toddlers playing outside in the summer!

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 02/06/2013 10:45

How can a few nibbles for a two yr old be seen as making a statement? It was a few sarnies crisps and fruit that just happened to not contain meat. It wasn't a full on master chef buffet with a huge neon sign saying"look it all veggi"

You wouldn't go to any other party and say oh they are making a statement there's meat everywhere. It's food. She just wanted a few friends round for her kid to play with without the stress of worrying what the kids picking to eat.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 02/06/2013 10:46

I'm not sure what you mean about making it part of my identify. I don't eat meat or fish, if I am offered food with meat or fish in it I smile and politely decline with thanks explaining I'm a veggie. If that's making it a part of my identity then so I am Hmm

OP posts:
Rainbowinthesky · 02/06/2013 10:52

Op, you have taken what she texted to heart hence your posting. She was wrong and is probably rude like this on a regular basis.

xTillyx · 02/06/2013 10:52

Teapots I'm not a very strict parent when it comes to sweets etc, in fact DD has some form of sweet treat every day whether its a freddo frog or an ice lolly. Anyway, I don't think you have to justify your food, I am sometimes shocked at how much crap is served at kids parties (and my kid loves crap!lol)

bailo · 02/06/2013 10:54

Can people please not use terms like 'illiterate' and 'uneducated' as insults, not everybody has the same access to and capacity for education, it doesn't make them intrinsically inferior.

lljkk · 02/06/2013 10:58

I can easily believe texter is the only pushy rude one with an agenda. Just wondered...

Do you pointedly tell people that you are a vegetarian, Teapots? Did you serve the party food saying "Of course there's no meat because I would never have that!" kind of things. Or is it something that no one ever knows about you until they offer you a meat dish, you say "No Thanks" and then IF they ask if you are veggie, you say "I am, actually."

Probably not, still it just seemed like you might be wearing it on your sleeve.

OxfordBags · 02/06/2013 11:01

I am just not getting how or why people are saying that the OP didn't cater for meat-eaters. ALL vegetarian food is suitable for meat-eaters (unless they are allergic to individual ingredients, ie wheat). As I mentioned upthread, the majority of an omnivore's diet will technically be more vegetarian than not. Eat toast or cereal for breakfast? Veggie. Any sarnie without meat or fish for lunch? Veggie. Chips? Actually vegan, unless done in beef dripping. Majority of all sweet food? Veggie.

I could go on!

hackmum · 02/06/2013 11:02

I think a text on the lines of "Don't worry - we won't be inviting you again" would be appropriate. Or possibly a terser "Fuck off."

HibiscusIsland · 02/06/2013 11:07

Nothing wrong with your party food. Only thing I would have done differently is share party cake with guests rather than keeping it for your dd to eat after the party.