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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What was wrong with DD"s birthday food?

551 replies

TeapotsInJune · 01/06/2013 18:18

My DD is two and I held a very small garden party/picnic. I am vegetarian and will not be buying meat for my daughter but I of course don't mind if other people eat meat! However, I personally won't buy it.

So for the food we had a couple of tables in the garden with egg and cheese sandwiches, salad, crisps, jelly, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and apple juice and sparkling grape juice to drink, plus iced water. I also had ice cream to go with the jelly but that wasn't out!

I then had a text from one of the women who is more the friend of a friend saying "not being funny but u obviously make ur choices but u shouldn't expect em to b made by others luv kids where dead hungry when they got in."

I am pretty cheesed off actually! That was my daughters birthday - it isn't as if I marched around snatching burgers off the children! Was the food I provided okay? I thought it was ...

OP posts:

HorryIsUpduffed · 02/06/2013 09:00

Good text, OP.

Blu · 02/06/2013 09:19

Freya, that is controversial!
I have googled now and the whole list is a little lacking in bohemian wildness of any kind.
Chicken, cheese, ham, egg, prawn, tuna, bacon, combination, 'other meat'.

Though I suppose 'chicken' could cover a Moroccan spiced chicken wrap, with a felafel as the veggie option? And surely the cheese sandwich is goats cheese with onion marmalade and nasturtium petal salad?

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 09:27

I cannot believe how rude some people are. There was nothing wrong with the food as such and pretty much all of what you had there ould usually be included in kids party food (along with other stuff) but I think it is an odd attitude to have (and a bit rude) if you are catering for people who aren't vegetarians. I love eating meat but I always cater for my vegetarian friends properly or anyone who may have a specific requirement, I don't just give them potatoes and veg for instance.

I know lots of vegetarians (whole families) and they would never only buy vegetarian food if having guests round, particularly children for parties.

However she is just plain rude and I would also have let her know she had offended me!

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 09:27

Well if op did not tell the guests beforehand it was for her dd birthday than they were not to know, so explains the lack of resents or card

ApocalypseThen · 02/06/2013 09:33

I think the lists of foods my children like/dislike misses the point (fascinating as it is, of course). Teapots has mentioned at least twelve times that she's really worried that this dim, illiterate, rude, charmless yet inexplicibly popular individual is encouraging others to laugh at her.

OP, I'd show the text around to one or two people.

Fuckwittery · 02/06/2013 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigkidsdidit · 02/06/2013 09:38

good text.

All these replies from posters saying 'my DS won't eat egg so I would do this' or 'mine will only eat with his hands so Iwould put out crackers' ad infinitum just goes to show you can never please everyone! I love how all those posters are so sure that no one would go home from one of their parties hungry, and their food would please all toddlers!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 02/06/2013 09:41

Not forgetting of course that meat free buffets are sub standard. You could have a 4 course meal and still it's not good enough without a sausage or two

Rainbowinthesky · 02/06/2013 09:47

The fact none of them brought a present shows it was never a party just a small picnic with only a few families which is just what you intended. It was also in the afternoon so not over lunch or dinner time.
I think you served more than enough and that woman is simple rude.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 02/06/2013 09:48

MrsMelons, I am a vegetarian because I believe the treatment of animals and the killing of them for their meat to be abhorrent. As such, when there is plenty of tasty, healthy vegetarian food available to buy, I will not be buying sausage rolls or ham to avoid appearing 'rude.' As you have correctly identified, there was nothing wrong with the food I put out, and in actual fact I could have just provided the fruit and drinks.

Feeling a bit feistier today if they want to laugh, bring it on!

OP posts:

beatofthedrum · 02/06/2013 09:49

I don't think you should be questioning your good choices in the slightest (which sound absolutely lovely anyway). The fact is this woman's child was invited to your house as a guest and given hospitality and then sent a rude text complaining it wasn't enough. That in itself is utterly unacceptable. Doesn't matter what you served - we've all been to parties when all that's out are the unhealthiest snacks imagineable (yours is the opposite and sounds great), but you are grateful to be included and invited. Hate snide remarks about party food when someone has provided it with the best intentions. Your response was totally appropriate. I would feel really furious!

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 09:49

I agree that you never expect your child to be full after a party/gathering, often they don't eat much but I do find it slightly odd to limit the food to just what you want your own child to eat.

My 2 DSs eat really healthily and we always put out lots of fruit/cucumber/tomatoes etc (which TBH only a few children actually eat) but only one of them likes egg and neither like cheese at the moment but I would still never dream of complaining.

At 2, a bit of cake on Saturday and Monday when it is a special occasion will have no affect on their teeth IMO.

Did she reply OP?

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 09:52

Teapots - absolutely understand what you are saying and fair enough. I do agree with some of the others in a way that your spread wasn't actually 'vegetarian' but maybe after seeing peoples opinions on this you can see that it was a bit limited. I think there has been times when most of the food I have put out has been suitable for vegetarians without even thinking.

You really aren't in the wrong here (other than the cake ) though as she is incredibly rude.

VinegarDrinker · 02/06/2013 09:52

We had a whole wedding with no meat. We are both veggie and given that we were paying and it was our wedding day, we wanted to enjoy as much of the food as possible without wondering if it was veggie.

There was a hot buffet with 3 main options and multiple sides and salads, including gluten free, dairy free, vegan option etc.

The vast majority of guests didn't even notice.

Noone died from not eating meat for a day.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 02/06/2013 09:53

I put a range of nibbles out the kids and adults would eat and hopefully enjoy and they did. DD had ice cream yesterday, cake today and cake tomorrow; I think that's quite enough sweet stuff for a just turned two year old, and to be perfectly honest I've got better things to do with my time than waste it buying or making fattening, sugary food for ungrateful children and their families!

'Slightly odd' my arse! There is nothing odd at all about sandwiches, fruit, crisps and jelly!

OP posts:

YouStayClassySanDiego · 02/06/2013 09:54

Your food for a 2 year old's bithday party outside on a hot day was great, as said up thread the food at parties is complimentary, it's not supposed to be in place of a meal at home!

She sounds utterly vile if you suspect she's going to bitch about you to others about the spread. I wouldn't text her back but treat it as if you never received the text and just ignore her. If she chooses to comment to your face you can be prepared with a good come back.

VinegarDrinker · 02/06/2013 09:56

Btw in case it wasn't clear, I don't think you did anything wrong in the slightest, OP. A couple of ham sandwiches and you would be describing the vast majority of toddler parties I've been to. (I wouldn't buy or make ham sandwiches either)

I want to know where you get veggie jelly from though? Or is DD not veggie?

johnworf · 02/06/2013 09:57

Chalk it up to experience. I think this woman is not worth bothering with and her attitude stinks.

The focus of parties isn't about filling your boots with an enormous banquet...it's about the children having a great time and often the food just gets left anyway.

Either way, carry on as you are. Have your parties how you think you should have them and obviously, don't invite this person or her child again.

Original poster

TeapotsInJune · 02/06/2013 09:57

Just stick vegetarian jelly in google; you get hundreds of hits!

OP posts:

spiderlight · 02/06/2013 09:58

VinegarDrinker you vcan get vegetarian jelly in any supermarket. It's in the Halal section though rather than with the ordinary jelly.

Teapots We're veggie too and that food sounds absolutely lovely to me! Incredibly rude woman.

SoTiredAgain · 02/06/2013 10:00

I hope your DD had a lovely time. It sounds like a lovely party, really low key and relaxed.

Your food sounds great too, although my DS would not have eaten anything but you know what, that's not your problem. It's not your fault that he is the fussiest of fussy eaters from fussyland. There's no way I would have commented on it though, how utterly rude. I think some people don't know how to be good guest.

Did she text back?

Jinsei · 02/06/2013 10:01

I agree that you never expect your child to be full after a party/gathering, often they don't eat much but I do find it slightly odd to limit the food to just what you want your own child to eat.

MrsMelons, I would find it quite odd for a vegetarian to cater for a meat-eater tbh. Why would they? Surely meat-eaters don't survive only on a diet of meat and meat alone?

It's my dd's birthday party next week, and she has Chinese, Pakistani and Portuguese friends attending. Should I be providing cuisine from each of these countries instead of limiting it to standard English party food?

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 10:02

That just proves you should not listen to me anyway - I had no idea normal jelly wasn't vegetarian

VinegarDrinker · 02/06/2013 10:03

Thanks, both. I've never looked before tbh! Was very excited to find veggie Percy Pigs in M&S last week

MrsMelons · 02/06/2013 10:05

Jinsei - fair enough but we are all only talking from our own experiences here and out of my 10 closest friends 4 are vegetarians and they always cook meat. I think your point re chinese, pakistani friends is missing the point. I would never dream of inviting someone who is vegetarian and expecting them to eat just the random bits that happen to have no meat in them, I would specifically find something suitable to serve.

I am not being nasty in anyway so I don't feel I need a

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