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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What was wrong with DD"s birthday food?

551 replies

TeapotsInJune · 01/06/2013 18:18

My DD is two and I held a very small garden party/picnic. I am vegetarian and will not be buying meat for my daughter but I of course don't mind if other people eat meat! However, I personally won't buy it.

So for the food we had a couple of tables in the garden with egg and cheese sandwiches, salad, crisps, jelly, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and apple juice and sparkling grape juice to drink, plus iced water. I also had ice cream to go with the jelly but that wasn't out!

I then had a text from one of the women who is more the friend of a friend saying "not being funny but u obviously make ur choices but u shouldn't expect em to b made by others luv kids where dead hungry when they got in."

I am pretty cheesed off actually! That was my daughters birthday - it isn't as if I marched around snatching burgers off the children! Was the food I provided okay? I thought it was ...

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 02/06/2013 02:20

Hmmm, I would have been pretty hungry after that. Of course a lot depends on what time of day it was served.

I personally never touch eggs if they've been out in the sun on a hot and sticky day. Cake yes, eggs no.

Just because none of the other guests commented rudely or otherwise doesn't mean they didn't stop at McDonalds on the way home cursing under their breath when the children complained they were starving or when they themselves felt hungry. If you didn't have much by way of leftovers I think you can safely say people would have eaten more. Sometimes when there isn't a lot people hold back as they don't want to take the last bit.

With small children it's always best to ask the parents what they will eat and don't just assume that you should go ahead and serve your version of healthy. It's a pita to deal with a tired and cranky child after a few hours of birthday party fun and one who is hungry is going to be that much more difficult. Going out of your comfort zone and getting a few frozen pizzas or some sausage rolls might make you squirm inside but being a hostess means keeping your guests happy.

Having said all of that, best b-day party I ever attended with children aged 1 to 5 was a picnic where everyone brought their own food and the hostess supplied a really nice cake decorated as a hedgehog and healthy juice boxes for everyone. I think cake wold have been a good idea, even though it was a hot and sticky day. I have baked and iced birthday cakes in summer heat in the American midwest and everyone has licked their plates

tanukiton · 02/06/2013 02:27

What you served was fine. Her text was rude.

What I want to know is why are you inviting this person?

i would fw the mail to your mutual friend with a ?

lollilou · 02/06/2013 02:43

She was rude.
When my kids went to parties like this they would often pick at the food because they were too excited to sit and fill themselves up, so they would say they were hungry when they got home, nothing to do with the food served. Your spread sounded great btw.

changeforthebetter · 02/06/2013 06:26

gosh Shock

your food sounds fine.

I never expect kids' party food to fill the dcs. I cannot believe she sent you that text.

Yamyoid · 02/06/2013 06:42

Unbelievably, incredibly rude woman.
When my ds goes to parties, the food isn't to replace a meal as I know he'll only eat junk.
Your food sounds lovely.
I'm rubbish at thinking of witty responses but hope you/mn can come up with one.

megsmouse · 02/06/2013 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 02/06/2013 07:24

It was a 2pm party though, probably over by fourish, so time for tea when you get home regardless surely? So nibbles only required, and it sounds like a nice spread where most fussy two year olds would have found a few things to their liking. My experience of party food is that you can never get it right anyway. You either put lots of work into it and no one eats it, or cut back and for some inexplicable reason everyone is hungry!

The only 'gap' I think was a plate of cakes/biscuits if there wasn't a birthday cake, as some children at that age only really go for sweet things when they are out of their comfort zone. If most children ate something and there was food left over why on earth would you feel you had to cook up some extra crap?

Moral of the story I think is to never invite the incredibly rude and classless parent to your house ever again.

Rootatoot · 02/06/2013 07:39

Genuine question and not any sort of dig at op, but for toddler's party, I'd assume parents will stay & would want some food too? Lots of you seem to only be doing kids food. Ds is nearly 2 & our only child so not much experience. Curious whether I'm being too adult focussed. Last year did all sorts party food. Prob was bit unhealthy on balance but I thought party food was treat so not every day. Think I did some salad but not fruit.

Sorry I'm not as articulate as could be but on my crappy phone!

AmandaPayneNeedsANap · 02/06/2013 07:43

Root - DD1 is only four, but I find parents don't tend to expect to be fed unless you specifically say they will be beforehand and it's actually a meal time. Otherwise a separate bowl of nachos and some adult dips on teh adult drink table tends to be all they are really expecting, plus a slice of cake when it comes round.

CPtart · 02/06/2013 07:44

I would have done a birthday cake...simply because its sort of the highlight of the meal if you like, bringing it out at the end, lighting the candles and singing, gathering round, photos, the finale!

Rest of the food, no problem.

Jengnr · 02/06/2013 08:00

Text her this

'I'm sorry your kids where (sic) starving. They obviously made their choices too. Luv'

Or tell her to fuck off.

ArbitraryUsername · 02/06/2013 08:02

I am still absolutely amazed that people expect a real meal at a toddler party. Especially one at 2pm. So what if your child wasn't full afterwards? it's not a bloody dinner party; it's a time for small children to run around your house crazy and refuse to pass the parcel.

The one thing I learn from MN is that you can never win with some people. However, my real life experience is often wildly different to what one would expect from reading MN. My friends (and my children's friend) don't go complaining that you only provided cheese sandwiches when they wanted/expected falafel. Or, at least if they do, they don't tell me or any of the other party hosts (and then they serve very similar fare at their own parties).

For DS2's party I did ham and cheese sandwiches (with crudités and houmous in case any weirdos wanted 'healthy' fare; they didn't). Hardly anyone touched the sandwiches either, as they were much more interested in the cake and crisps and other such nonsense. This was exactly as I expected. Everyone else's small child birthday party serves ham and cheese sandwiches, with crisps and cakes and stuff. Cheese and egg sounds like a perfectly reasonable non-ham eating alternative to me.

ArbitraryUsername · 02/06/2013 08:03

At DS2's party, the adults just tucked in to the cake and nonsense along with the kids. In fact, I always see parents sneaking crisps and cake at birthday parties (once it's clear that the kids aren't really going to eat any more).

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 08:11

Op she has the audacity to be very rude to someone who offered her food and hospitality, I don't care if she's the queen I would most certainly text her back with some of the great replies on here. No you don have to stoop to her low level, but there are some excellent texts that put her in place.

frogspoon · 02/06/2013 08:11

'I'm sorry your kids where (sic) starving. They obviously made their choices too. Luv'

' did you mean to send that text? It's a bit odd and can't work out why you'd feel that was appropriate given that you were a guest in my house. Very confused.'

'Im not being funny or anything' but did you mean to sound so rude??
DD had a lovely time, as did most of the other children. im sorry I didn't manage to provide adequate snacks for your little darlings, all of the other children seemed to enjoy it all. I will remember to pop to gregs and get some sausage rolls your your DCs next time.

I can't decide which one of these scathing replies I like best. Probably the first one (Jengnr)

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 08:14

Math the party was at 2 so presumably kids would have eaten lunch and it finished before tea time, so up to te parents to provide tea/dinner anyway not op

diddl · 02/06/2013 08:16

Reminds me of my parties as a kid-except indoors & no berries as Winter!!

Had egg & cress sandwiches, cheese sandwiches & salmon paste & cucumber!!

Also crisps, jelly & blancmange, jam tarts, biscuits & bday cake.

What was she expecting in the sandwiches?

We're not vegetarians, & I know my kids loved tuna, so tuna sandwiches might have featured rather than the paste, but I wonder what she was expecting??!!!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 02/06/2013 08:19

Did they really lick their plates maths ? How rude! Grin

bailo · 02/06/2013 08:22

Trying to "put in her place" somebody who doesn't sound particularly blessed with social grace by initiating an SMS war sounds like an incredibly bad idea.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 02/06/2013 08:25

Thanks everyone. Feel better about it now.

It wasn't a birthday party in the sense that there were presents and cakes: DD had a paddling pool for her birthday, the other kids came to play in it and I out some food out for them and the adults. It was a picnic more than a party I suppose. To be honest it would have soured the day a bit if we'd brought the cake out as the kids were playing and DD would probably have got a bit distressed: she does not like being the centre of attention!

I think all kids and parents are different, but DD is going out today and then will have cake Monday and to be totally frank I think that's enough sweets given she is very young. She's got lovely teeth now (a couple of the kids yesterday had black holes in their teeth) and I want them to stay that way. I'm not massively controlling over what she eats although it might sound that way, she has ice cream, she has chocolate biscuits, flapjack and yes, cake. But not every single day. If others do that differently, I have no problem with that but I choose not to let my DD just as I choose for her not to eat meat. If when she gets older she lives on burgers and coke fair enough - but while I can provide her with a good diet, I will.

I got another text quite late saying 'sorry luv no offence r u ok' I just sent back'i am fine but yes, I am offended.' :) which I was!

OP posts:
LIZS · 02/06/2013 08:25

Extremely rude . I'd never assume that a picnic party would be a substitute for a meal at that age, depending on timing I'd give a large lunch or have something on hand for supper. Pre-schoolers tend to graze anyway. Neither of ours would have eaten the sarnies but it wouldn't matter to me .

kelda · 02/06/2013 08:38

The food sounds fine.

I would send back a passive aggressive text, full of sympathy, along the lines of

'oh your poor ds, perhaps it would help him to see a dietician, to help him get over his issues with healthy food?'

harverina · 02/06/2013 08:44

Rootatoot I would say adults would only be expected to be fed if the party fell on a meal time and the person hosting the party told me in advance that there would be food. Usually this is limited to family parties in my experience.

For example, for my dd's birthday party we had a family lunch so everyone knew to come for 12 and there was a mix of party type food like crisps, sandwiches, fruit and more substantial food for the adults like chicken, salad, rice etc (I bought sausage rolls and forgot to cook them - no one noticed!!)

Otherwise, absolutely not...adults do not normally get fed at children's parties. Any parties I have been to held in a house have had 'token' food for the adults like crisps, dip etc.

pigletmania · 02/06/2013 08:50

Thats good op, she sounds like a real piece of work

diddl · 02/06/2013 08:58

Excellent reply, OP!