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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What was wrong with DD"s birthday food?

551 replies

TeapotsInJune · 01/06/2013 18:18

My DD is two and I held a very small garden party/picnic. I am vegetarian and will not be buying meat for my daughter but I of course don't mind if other people eat meat! However, I personally won't buy it.

So for the food we had a couple of tables in the garden with egg and cheese sandwiches, salad, crisps, jelly, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and apple juice and sparkling grape juice to drink, plus iced water. I also had ice cream to go with the jelly but that wasn't out!

I then had a text from one of the women who is more the friend of a friend saying "not being funny but u obviously make ur choices but u shouldn't expect em to b made by others luv kids where dead hungry when they got in."

I am pretty cheesed off actually! That was my daughters birthday - it isn't as if I marched around snatching burgers off the children! Was the food I provided okay? I thought it was ...

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 01/06/2013 21:28

I agree that this is totally about you denying her children the god-given right to eat meat for a couple of hours. Bloody vegetarians thinking they're better than us and imposing their belief systems on my poor kids. everyone knows kids only like sausage rolls and peperoni pizza at parties. Well I'll put her in her place. My kid was starving because she didn't feed them meat like proper parents.

Ignore. I hope you know that it's all the way round school now. You fiend.

FrauMoose · 01/06/2013 21:29

I think it is quite common for adults to be rude when presented with unfamiliar food. A year or so back I went on an activity holiday in Turkey where one of the activities involved a mountain hike followed by lunch for the group in the home of a Turkish family. As it was Ramadan all the food provided was vegetarian. There was a lentil soup - beautifully seasoned - with home made yogurt, then peppers that had been stuffed with bulgur wheat plus bean salad (and chips). Most of the people in the group were well-travelled and also affluent enough not to be used to a very limited diet (due to a limited budget). However t wasn't just the other children in the party who ate hardly anything; the other adults picked at their food and ate almost nothing. My husband and I thought this was the height of rudeness. (My daughter was a bit startled.) Even if they weren't used to vegetarian food, it wouldn't have killed them to get a bit more down.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 01/06/2013 21:30

Really, the best thing is just not to reply.

She's then on the back foot, wondering if you even received it, and no idea what you made of it.

A snippy reply will only give her satisfaction, and why would you want to do that? :)

TeapotsInJune · 01/06/2013 21:32

Shiraz, I'm more taken aback for the questioning re no cake. I just can't see how a cake is sensible on a hot day to be honest, I don't fancy stodgy cakes in the hot sun. The children did eat ice cream, but while the rest of the food was out in the garden so children could help themselves the ice cream was in the freezer and I brought it out when the children had their jellies. The children spent more time playing than eating; I suppose you can interpret this as not wanting opinions but it isn't really as I just didn't expect to be questioned over the cake when in my mind it was such a small party - not even a party really.

OP posts:
OxfordBags · 01/06/2013 21:33

OP, I would be very happy for my child to come to one of your parties :) I eat meat, but I would serve much the same as you did. I wouldn't dream of doing nutella sarnies, because there might be a child with a nut allergy, and I wouldn't do something like ham, because there might be a veggie, Jewish or Muslim child there. I would also personally be a little bit pissed off if you served chocolate spread sandwiches, etc., as I don't want my son eating stuff like that, even at a party. Even so, I wouldn't say a thing to you, I would thank you for your party and mean it.

What you provided was tasty, easy to eat, pretty plain (not an insult), and would fall into the remit of 'nice' food for most toddlers. If there are children there who are so fussy that their diet is extremely limited, then one of his or her parents should have a polite word with you beforehand. And if a child has been brought up with such a crap diet that what you served up seemed too weird or 'healthy', then the problem there lies with those parents, not you! (BTW, I am not talking about children who only eat beige or junky food, despite the best efforts of their parents, but kids whose parents purposely choose trashy food).

When I were a lass,

Mums didn't put out a huge variety of choice to try to cover every possible and potential dietary whim of every invitee. If you didn't like anything, it was tough shit, and you'd be told off by your own mum for being rude to your host.

If kids come back from a party having not eaten anything, you just feed them. What you don't do is text back some unnecessary, aggressive, illiterate text that is embarrassingly obvious in trying to make a point about you being vegetarian. A lot of idiots don't realise that, unless you're actually eating meat or fish at every meal, nearly everyone's diet is comprised of mostly veggie, or even vegan, food.

I think the very fact that she would lower herself to this behaviour means you pretty much don't have to worry about it. She is a knob, OP.

Hulababy · 01/06/2013 21:34

Horribly rude woman.

You need the MN standard reply "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Nothing wrong with what you offered. You offered food that covered a lot of bases. No need at all to offer meat with the other options.

Not you're fault that her children were fussy.

WeAreEternal · 01/06/2013 21:35

My reply would be;

'Im not being funny or anything' but did you mean to sound so rude??
DD had a lovely time, as did most of the other children. im sorry I didn't manage to provide adequate snacks for your little darlings, all of the other children seemed to enjoy it all. I will remember to pop to gregs and get some sausage rolls your your DCs next time.

Clearly she is one of those parents that expects their children to be fed a meal at a party. I have known other parents complain that they were expecting more of a meal 'so that they don't have to cook later'

Hulababy · 01/06/2013 21:40

Very surprised to see some people thinking that egg or cheese sandwiches are unusual for a toddler. Most of the children I know, of all ages, eat at least one of them. I know one who couldn't due to egg and dairy allergy but his mum is always prepared and brings alternatives, unless she has spoken to the hosts in advance. The other one is just very very fussy.

Trouble is with parties you can go on forever and still not satisfy everyone.

And at the end it is a party. I never rely on a party to fill a child up and would always be prepared to feed them again when they get home, just in case.

Jan49 · 01/06/2013 21:41

What an incredibly rude woman! As you don't want to turn her into an enemy I think I'd go for tallwivglasses' suggestion of killing her with kindness. I think she wanted her kids to be offered sausage rolls and burgers and come home too full to eat again.

My vegetarian ds would have loved your food, particularly the fruit. He'd have eaten everything except the egg sandwiches and jelly (am assuming it's a vegi jelly?)

I held party teas for my ds from age 3 to 13 or so and never had any any sign that it all being vegetarian was a problem. Please don't take any notice of this woman. She's rude and she's wrong.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 01/06/2013 21:42

Maybe it's just me, but the standard MN response has long-since lost its pithy ability to put people in their place.

Clearly, yes, she did mean to be so rude.

Honestly, not replying at all is the best response, tempting as a biting come-back might be.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 01/06/2013 21:43

Teapots cake at parties is a convention though - I said your food sounded absolutely normal and nothing to raise an eyebrow at, but tbh there is always cake at children's birthday parties, even the smallest and least formal (even the one I mentioned where otherwise there was only fruit).

Did your DD not get to blow out candles? :( It was my Ds's favourite thing at his party, and he asked to do it again, and again, and again (OK, I re-lit them a couple of times :) )

Cake and hunger are unrelated so it does not have anything to do with the rude guest's silly text - but 99% of adults and kids would be slightly surprised at a birthday party without cake, and next year when your DD is 3 she will be quite likely to be upset herself (if she has been to any other parties in the meantime).

Shiraztastic · 01/06/2013 21:44

Ah Teapots, people expect cake at a birthday party, that's all Smile. It's one of those rules. Birthday = cake. Weather's irrelevant. At older childrens parties the cake usually comes out for song and candles, then sliced into party bags. Did you not sing happy birthday even? If it wasn't a birthday party it's odd to have expected presents.

There are so many differences in parenting that become more apparent as they get older. When they're tiny parenting's a great leveller, but after they turn one people do things more and more individually.

Some people like mid afternoon parties, as they feel it means less food needs providing. Personally, I prefer parties where the party tea is served at a mealtime, as then even though the food isn't necessarily healthy, at least it's not in addition to all the usual meals. As a host I'd rather the food gets eaten, so serve it at a time people will be hungry. I'd also announce tea time and sit them down rather than allowing guests to pick, especially with toddlers. In our house lunchtime is noon-12.30 as the blighters get up at the crack of dawn, whereas friends feel that's practically mid morning and eat weekend lunch at 2pm. But, you see, everyone does these things differently, so polite people just get on with it and Smile. I do hope this stupid text hasn't spoiled anything for you.

springtide · 01/06/2013 21:44

Ok re-reading the OP's posts . None of the guests brought presents or cards - maybe they weren't told it was a birthday celebration. Would never turn up without something even when DC that age.
Doesnt excuse terribly rude text from "friend" though.

LilyAmaryllis · 01/06/2013 21:44

Food sounds perfect. This woman is rude and horrible, Have no more to do with her (and CERTAINLY never invite her children round again!). Don't worry at all about the party menu, it was great.

LilyAmaryllis · 01/06/2013 21:45

And delete the text and don't reply!

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 01/06/2013 21:46

OOOOh Yes Tallwivglasses response is MUCH better..
passive aggressive is definitely the way to go

Hulababy · 01/06/2013 21:50

Nutella - nut allergies. Plus DD hated it as a youngster. I still dislike.
Marmite - urgh!
Jam - very sweet and sticky to have outside at a party in the sun. I could have run to it if necessary I guess. But not a natural choice here.

Maybe just offer bread and butter with the cheese and egg separate, but then these are toddlers so not quite old enough to build their own sandwich.

FadBook · 01/06/2013 21:55

Dd and I would have loved your food, and dd is 2 in August.

Egg mayo is a big favourite of dd's as are berries Smile

A very rude woman Teapots, don't worry about anything you've done

TolliverGroat · 01/06/2013 21:55

I would have expected cake, but 2yo DD wouldn't and I'd never have considered sending a text bemoaning lack of cake.

Remotecontrolduck · 01/06/2013 21:56

So rude, I'm constantly amazed at the cheek of some people.

Personally I would have had something like pizza instead of egg sandwiches, but what you laid on sounds very nice. It was a party for 2 year olds, they don't want much anyway!

I would NEVER think to text someone about the food they provided at their party. Even if it was total shit and completely inedible.

Where do people get the idea this kind of behaviour is ok? Confused

TolliverGroat · 01/06/2013 21:57

Tallwivglasses' response is the best though, IMO

kim147 · 01/06/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OxfordBags · 01/06/2013 22:03

YY, Hula - and jam would have ensured an insect swarm descended. Stung Toddler Central.

OP, this is what I would do (and bear in mind I am a curmudgeonly bitch on my good days): I would totally ignore the text and wait until I knew I was going to see Bitch Text Mum amongst a group of other mums/parents. I would then greet them all jovially, and, in front of them all, thank her for her 'hilarious' text, which made you feel really relieved, as you know some parents can be really ignorant about vegetarianism or entitled about other people feeding their kids, etc., but her brilliant piss-take of those sorts of awful mums really put your mind at ease and gave you a great laugh. Cue massive, genuine (-appearing) smile. She can hardly say she meant it seriously and out herself as a proper cowbag in front of the others, can she?!

PS I would also drop the smile once no-one was looking and fix her with an icy, meaningful stare just to let her know I knew that text was serious, but, as I said, I am a bitch Wink

FullOfChoc · 01/06/2013 22:04

I think whatever food you serve at parties, the children are often too excited to eat properly. Your food sounds lovely.

This woman is mad and rude.

usualsuspect · 01/06/2013 22:06

Not one of them bought a card or present?

How odd.

Did they know it was as birthday party

Your food sounds great, although I admit I would wonder why there wasn't a birthday cake.