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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't fly

111 replies

sheeesh · 29/05/2013 22:25

So the situation is I've offered to pay for a holiday for DP, DCs and I. This will be the first 'Sun' holiday we've been on as a family...DCs are 4 and 8.

I brought DCs away last year with my DM and they had a great time and said that they'd love to do the same again with their dad.

Tonight DP tells me that he doesn't want to fly. He has made (what I consider to be totally impractical) suggestions about him travelling by car and boat and meeting us there; or we all travel to Spain by car.

Am I being unreasonable to think that he should man up and just get on with it? He has flown before and while he didn't enjoy it, the journey was fine. He could think about hypnotherapy or even ask the Dr for a mild sedative for the journey. Or even just suck it up and get on with it for the sake of a 3 hr flight and a potentially fantastic holiday with his DCs while they're still young. He won't consider any of the above. Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and think he's being massively selfish?

OP posts:
EvaM · 29/05/2013 22:28

Yabu, he's suggested an alternative where you can fly and he doesn't have to.

Jestrin · 29/05/2013 22:30

What is it about flying he doesn't like? For me its a feeling of claustrophobia rather than being in the air. I feel much better sitting right at the back.

dexter73 · 29/05/2013 22:31

YABU. If you are scared of flying then it isn't really a case of manning up or just sucking it up for 3 hours. Let him travel by car/boat and meet him there.

ENormaSnob · 29/05/2013 22:32

I no longer like flying but do it for my dc.

Diazepam helps a little.

ENormaSnob · 29/05/2013 22:33

Keycamp france maybe?

Sirzy · 29/05/2013 22:34

Yabu. I hate flying and avoid it as much as possible. I will fly but hate every second of it

ByTheWishingWell · 29/05/2013 22:34

I think YABU, sorry. Overcoming a phobia isn't a matter of just 'manning up'.

Meeting you there may be the best solution, as flying is probably much more practical for you and your DCs.

ivykaty44 · 29/05/2013 22:35

can he get the train - it is fairly straight forward look at man on train 66 for the price etc.

Or liek he says cna't you all go by sea and car, drive to plymouth and then sail to northern spain over the bay of biscay (give me a plane anyday rather than the sickness of biscay) but each to their own.

sheeesh - do you have any fears or is there nothing that scares you?

Bumpotato · 29/05/2013 22:35

Some airlines British Airways used to do courses to help those who were scared. Don't know if that still happens.

Not ideal but I make sure my DH is pissed has a few drinks before a flight as he's s nightmare to travel with due to his fear of flying.

Bumpotato · 29/05/2013 22:37

Is it such a hardship for him to make his own way there? Where will you be leaving from?

MoonlightandRoses · 29/05/2013 22:38

YABU - the main thing is he's offered other suggestions to ensure he gets there.

Let him do car/boat, or train/boat (although possibly not you all driving together if it will be a nightmare) or whatever it takes so that he's there for the whole time you are.

When he's ready to try and get over the fear of flying then he will.

QuintessentialOldDear · 29/05/2013 22:38

Yanbu. Speaking as a former flightophobe who moved to Britain, requiring two flights to get home. He should just man up and get over it.
Who "enjoys" international air travel? Nobody I know! What would the world be like if we all just pandered to our irrational fears like this!

CocktailQueen · 29/05/2013 22:39

I have no idea. I hate flying nw I have dc -we used to fly everywhere - SAMs, New Zealand , Canada, America.... But now we have dc, I CANNOT fly.

My dh wants to fly on hols, but it makes me crap myself in fear. Help!!

Succoria · 29/05/2013 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumpotato · 29/05/2013 22:41

It isn't a completely irrational fear though is it?

I've been on a plane that had to make an emergency landing due to a technical fault in the air, it is reasonably scary.

BabylonReturns · 29/05/2013 22:42

Succoria Grin

I was going to suggest Red Bull will give him wings!

SquinkiesRule · 29/05/2013 22:43

I hate flying, but I live 5000 miles from home so I suck it up and get on the plane. If it were only a 3 hour flight I might just get over it for the pleasure of being with my family on holiday.
If he is determined let him catch the train. I went to Spain by train, even more monotonous than flying.

Original poster
sheeesh · 29/05/2013 22:43

Thanks for the quick replies.

Maybe meeting us there is an option...

To answer the question 'is there anything I'm afraid of?' Yes, lots of things but I feel that I would suck it up and get on with it. I know I'm being unsympathetic, maybe unreasonably Blush

OP posts:
WorrySighWorrySigh · 29/05/2013 22:45

Where in Spain? We have driven down through France to Spain many times. It is a great journey and a wonderful experience for DCs. Perhaps you should just suck it up and get on with it and have a potentially fantastic holiday with your DCs while they're still young.

Andro · 29/05/2013 22:45

If he's flight phobic then he's not being selfish, to suggest that he is is being massively unreasonable - DS(10yo) has needed 3 years of therapy to make significant progress towards overcoming his phobia.

OTOH, if it's 'doesn't enjoy' or 'doesn't like' the he might want to take a look at how he reacts when his dc say they 'don't want' or 'don't like' ans see how accommodating he is.

Andro · 29/05/2013 22:47

*and

Original poster
sheeesh · 29/05/2013 22:47

So for those who fear flying - is it really that bad? Because I really don't mind it at all, I really struggle to understand it hence my view that its just mind over matter and get on with it. I know it's harsh but it's how I'd approach it if the situation were reversed.

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CloudsAndTrees · 29/05/2013 22:47

I think he needs to try to combat his phobia, he should at least show willing. This is a problem that affects the whole family, so personally, I don't think he has the right to say that he simply won't even try.

My DH has a severe phobia, which affected every day of his life until he tried to get over it. If he hadn't even tried, I wouldn't have been able to be with him because I would have found it selfish for him to refuse to even try to fix something that would effect the whole family. I do understand very well how damaging phobias can be, but I don't think that's an excuse not to try.

If he tries therapy and still can't face it, then of course he should be able to travel another way.

Original poster
sheeesh · 29/05/2013 22:49

Grin at maybe I should suck it up. That's absolutely why I posted.

The wisdom of AIBU Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeesh · 29/05/2013 22:51

clouds yes! That's my point! If I had a fear that I couldn't just get over and it affected my life or other people, it would bother me and I'd have to find a way through it

OP posts: