DP won't fly

[sheeesh]

So the situation is I've offered to pay for a holiday for DP, DCs and I. This will be the first 'Sun' holiday we've been on as a family...DCs are 4 and 8.

I brought DCs away last year with my DM and they had a great time and said that they'd love to do the same again with their dad.

Tonight DP tells me that he doesn't want to fly. He has made (what I consider to be totally impractical) suggestions about him travelling by car and boat and meeting us there; or we all travel to Spain by car.

Am I being unreasonable to think that he should man up and just get on with it? He has flown before and while he didn't enjoy it, the journey was fine. He could think about hypnotherapy or even ask the Dr for a mild sedative for the journey. Or even just suck it up and get on with it for the sake of a 3 hr flight and a potentially fantastic holiday with his DCs while they're still young. He won't consider any of the above. Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and think he's being massively selfish?

I don't think not flying is a tragedy for everyone. But the situation is OP and DC want a family holiday in the sun and are in the fortunate position of being able to afford flights. This is a pretty simple way of achieving what they want. Good luck finding sun reliably when you want it in Britain!

And if you have a genuine phobia you do have to be careful it doesn't start extending into other situations - this is very common. When I started having panic attacks in situations outside planes I knew I really had to do something about it or I would end up not being able to leave the house.

It's just it's quite frustrating when you see people preferring to accommodate phobias rather than seeing them as something that you can discuss and get help for. I know from experience that accommodating them is actually kind of a pain in the neck, no matter how much one says it isn't at the time.

And no, I don't see personal growth in terms of ticking off countries on a list. But sometimes opportunities come up which mean you have to travel to take advantage of them.

To update: we've reached a compromise where we will look into alternative travel options and once we understand the detail we'll decide whether we travel together overland or DP travels alone and meets us there.

I've also wound my neck in a bit and acknowledged that yes I was being unreasonable to even consider how much of a problem this if for him.

For his part, DP has looked at a course at our local airport an is making an effort to consider working through his fear.

Somehow or other we'll find a way to get some sunshine this year

To refuse to even consider...

Congratulations on finding a way forward and well done for seeing the other side as well.

If you are wanting to get some different suggestions, tips etc on travelling then I do recommend the MN Travel section. Ask any question you want and there will be loads of people to offer thoughts and experiences.

Good luck and bon voyage

Sheesh I think the courses can be very good. I have a friend that was pretty well 'cured' and has since enjoyed family holidays in Florida, which was unthinkable before. But for DH they just didn't work (twice) and a holiday is meant to be an enjoyable, relaxing experience so for us, at the moment, they don't involve flying.

Ooh, you could take the ferry to Bilbao or Santander - my parents took my siblings and I as kids and we LOVED it! It's very exciting being on a big boat when you're a child (or if you're my DH who gets insanely excited about it too!).

YANBU. He has flown before so I cannot see the problem. My mum is like this and refuses to go on holiday via a plane and it frustrates me as she was fine when we were younger and used to even holiday with friends before I was born.

My dh is the same. But he now has medication before a flight. He still doesn't enjoy it but it enables him to fly. Get him to go to the doctors

DH's fear of flying reached the point where he wouldn't do it any more. We tried one holiday in the south of France travelling by Eurostar and then train to Lyon, then hired a car. And the same in reverse to get home.

It was expensive, took ages and it was a bloody nightmare trying to cross London by tube during Friday rush hour with huge suitcases packed for two weeks. I would never do it again.

As DH has to fly with work he read The Easy Way to Enjoy Flying by Allen Carr and it really helped him. He isn't scared any more, he just has that low-level hatred of airports and being treated like cattle that the rest of us has now.

I think YWBU to just expect him to get over it for your convenience but I think he WBU to not even read the book and see if it helped.

Aaah but Helleoneworld ime experience fear of flying gets worse as you get older. I flew when younger and then had a job which involved loads of flying.

I just got worse and worse. The more I flew the worse I got. It's been 10 years since I last flew.

I'm exactly the same as orange, except I haven't flown for 20 years.

We took the overnight train to Barcelona, after changing from Eurostar in Paris. It was fab - fed and watered all the way (included in price); shower in cabin; comfy bunks - a bit of an adventure. It was great going to sleep after a good meal somewhere in France and waking up in Barcelona, completely refreshed.

The downside was the price.