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To not want my in laws to get this dog ...

229 replies

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 07:42

I know this will make me VERY unpopular but as a rule, I don't like dogs. I hate the dogs mess on pavements, I hate being out for a walk and having dogs rush up to me and I hate aggressive barking when you go past houses or knock on doors.

I was attacked by a collie as a young teen and also have a cousin who was attacked by her friends dog (with no history of aggression, was not aggravated, lunged at a cat on her lap and it got nasty) in my presence requiring reconstructive surgery.

My in-laws provide childcare for my 7mo and 2yo DCs. They offered and were really keen to have them two afternoons a week. They also do other odd spells if I need to pop out (they live five minutes down the road).

They have used to have dogs but the last one passed away 18 months ago. My BIL has announced he is getting MIL a dog for her birthday. She is excited. He has found a two year old Staffordshire cross and they are picking it up today. In the advert it says "not suitable for a household with young children".

I questioned this but apparently it will be fine once it gets to know young children, it just has never had contact with them. The owners are selling as they are moving somewhere smaller without the room for a dog.

I have said fine, they can get the dog, but they can't have the children round there anymore.

I'm told I am being very unreasonable, hurtful and rude.

Am I? What would be the safest way to introduce the dog to children?

OP posts:
LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey · 28/05/2013 22:07

Am not impressed by the few on here who've judged the dog based on its breed, especially as Staffies are one of the best dogs to have around children.

However, YANBU. The ad specified not to keep around children and your last post described a very worrying place for the dog to come from. I expect the no children advice comes from the dog being nervous, rather than aggressive, as fear is the most likely cause for a dog to lash out. I can totally understand you not wanting to take your children round to your PILs though. I feel for you as your PILs have put this dog as their top priority which has left you in the lurch, but its best that you feel your children are going to a safe and secure place, which it doesn't seem like your PILs are willing to provide.

MumnGran · 28/05/2013 22:12

Floral .....
I am a terrible cynic, but in your shoes - and after all that you have said - I would want to be very very sure that they do not bring the dog with them.

therewearethen · 28/05/2013 22:51

Not really a dog person, have 2 cats and 2 DD's aged 5 and 4 months. Cats have been great with the kids, the oldest who we had before DD1 just ignores them and the second who we had just before pregnant with DD2 is very protective over both of them and comes running should either of them cry!

That said they 'do my head in' and get on my nerves but I'd never ditch them if I was moving! My oldest cat is on his 4th home with us, I'd never dream of leaving them if we moved somewhere smaller. I took the responsibility on, you wouldn't ring social services if you had to move would you!?

If I were to ever get a dog, I would go via a dogs home type place and not a private add, to me someone who has to 'get rid' because of a house move proves the owner didn't think about getting the dog through fully which would lead me to believe they are unpridicatble or not fully trained, regardless of breed!

YADNBU!!! Hope you can sort some alternative childcare/working from home solution. I agree with everyone who has said you just can't take the risk in using your DC as experiments!

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 22:55

They don't drive so I don't mind paying the taxi, while they enjoy it, it is a favour they are doing and childcare would cost more.

I do trust that the dog wouldn't turn up here with them. They know they wouldn't be allowed in with it and I don't think they would take it in a taxi (and it's just a bit far for them to walk).

My plan is to go freelance, I've been unhappy with the lack of flexibility since returning from maternity, in particular last minute deadlines requiring late finishes. I'm going to try and find childcare though this week just as cover even if I am freelancing.

I'm very upset tonight that they have put a dog they don't know above my DC and mad with my BIL for instigating the whole thing.

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 28/05/2013 23:00

Another dog owner here who things YANBatallU. Your FIL is being spectacularly irresponsible. Having a dog, either a puppy from a responsible breeder, brought up correctly, or an older dog assessed by a good rescue organisation, is one thing, getting a dog that is specifically not good with children is insanity.

Stick to your guns. Sadly it looks like it will cause a lot of family upset but your children will be safe.

pigletmania · 28/05/2013 23:43

Totally irresponsible behaviour. Why on earth woulth they think that an unknown dog who is not good around young kids would not be a Robles whilst your dc is at theirs Hmm. Have they got a death wish stupid people

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2013 23:47

Ah right, I understand the taxi thing now; I thought they were coming round just to visit, not to take care of your DC (hence my confusion). Thanks for clearing that up. Yes, fair for you to pay for the taxi.

Ullena · 28/05/2013 23:55

OP, please spare a thought for the many older people without families. With appropriate background checks and careful socialisation, you could easily replace your current set of elders...

This is why my MIL hates me!


It all sounds very dodgy. The dog may even have been stolen Sad will they bother to have it checked by a vet for a microchip, etc? Not a parent, but I wouldn't consider them to be responsible enough to mind children or own a dog tbh.

Spero · 29/05/2013 00:06

Have a staffy, like most dogs but would never agree to my child being in that situation of exposure to dog of unknown temperament with owners who won't take precautions. Breed is irrelevant. They don't know what dog is like and they don't care. Certainly not worth risk.

They sound like idiots with screwed up priorities.

Kungfutea · 29/05/2013 02:49

Another dog lover and owner here (with a soft spot for staffies) who thinks yanbu.

It's not about liking the breed or not liking dogs but simply unacceptable risk given the (albeit limited) knowledge about the dog's temperament. This would be true for a small dog but even more so for larger/stronger dogs like staffies who could potentially do a lot of harm.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/05/2013 03:10

not the main topic (YANBU) but why is it you who has to sort out childcare cover this week - why not your DH, or both of you? Sorry if I've got anything wrong but it's a real bugbear of mine that when anything happens with regards to DC, it's the mother who has to take time off, rearrange etc, as though her job is less important.

Mrs Oakenshield, I thought exactly the same thing!

mameulah · 29/05/2013 03:28

One chance....... or something like that. My Dad has a saying that basically means you get one chance at bringing up your kids. You are right. It is not fair on the animal to trust the animal. Don't relent.

Athrawes · 29/05/2013 04:00

I think you need to ask them a direct question "how would you feel if the dog attacked one of the kids?". YANBU

MusicalEndorphins · 29/05/2013 06:43


Labradorwhisperer · 29/05/2013 07:47

Did they pay for the dog, OP? It seems a bit strange that there were other dogs there.... Is there any chance they coud have been stolen? I hate to speculate on things like this, but it seems a bit odd.

ExcuseTypos · 29/05/2013 07:52


They are idiots to ignore a warning that the dog shouldn't be around young children. Stick to your guns and don't let them make ou feel guilty.

FloralFantasy · 29/05/2013 08:04

They did pay for the dog, I think they said it was £75.

Have to say to be fair on DH that he fairly good at splitting emergency childcare issues, last week he had to do an emergency work from home day and he is finishing early so I can go to a meeting. He is happy to use his vast holiday allowance to cover days too. Luckily he has a very family friendly workplace who encourage flexible working. Very, very different to mine - my boss would be much happier if I didn't have any DCs. He has been very vocal about not employing parents and asks at interview (In a chatty way at the end as he sees them out the door so it isn't obvious). I've been there for six years though, so pre DC.

Anyway, phone call last night. The dog has brought the DC some presents and wants to give them to them. Hmm

I said DH would pop round and pick them up but the DC aren't going round even with us until it has settled in and they at least know it a little better.

OP posts:
MumnGran · 29/05/2013 08:18

"The dog has brought the DC some presents and wants to give them to them"
They really are off in cloud cuckoo land aren't they.
Sadly, Floral, I suspect they will not alter their stance by one jot unless (and please god its not "until") something actually happens to prove them wrong.
Its going to be difficult for a long time to come. Have some Flowers

BeerTricksPotter · 29/05/2013 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 29/05/2013 08:24

I have rescue staffys and children and I think YANBU.

My children and dogs were never left alone together and my dogs were all "child friendly"

Irrespective of the breed of dog, if its advertised as not suitable to be around small children, for whatever reason then IMO you are totally right not to want your DCs there.

It could be that the owner is telling the truth and the dog has never been exposed to small children. But that makes it even worse because you have no idea how the dog will react to children running, playing, shouting, laughing, singing.

extracrunchy · 29/05/2013 08:24

Oh gosh presents from the non child friendly dog... Why are they pursuing the children actually actively enjoying the dogs, when they've been advised otherwise, even by apparently quite unscrupulous sellers?!? What is wrong with these people?! They're now also manipulating your DCs. Ugh.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/05/2013 08:34

I wouldn't actually pick the presents up. This is all part of the softening up process - hoping the children will start nagging you to see the "sweet" dog that bought them presents.

Just say, " No. As the children will never see the dog, it will be totally confusing for them to get the presents. Thanks anyway"

Wishiwasanheiress · 29/05/2013 08:39


This stance of "no dcs with dog" needs to stand for the long haul. It's going to be hard particularly with ideas such as presents to manipulate you. Your dh will cave first being his parents.

The first confused lament of a person whose dog bites is "he's so gentle, loves kids". Good luck.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/05/2013 08:42

floral, my cats bring me presents, just not the kind you'd give to a small child!

On the taxi issue, if they live 5 minutes away by car (1 mile, I'm guessing) and it's too far to walk, are they sure they'll have the stamina to walk a staffie-type dog every day?

Not your problem, OP, just wondering Hmm

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/05/2013 08:47

I also think you need to show that you are totally firm and clear on this - same message repeated ad nauseum

I don't know what the family dynamics are re pleasing people/not rocking the boat/still being treated like children by the PILs. If any of these exist - fuck them. These are your children being exposed to a potentially lethal animal. If you and DH won't protect the, the PILs sure as hell won't.

Don't worry about upsetting PILs or causing a rift in the family. The PILs chose to get that dog - knowing the consequences. Your children can't make that choice to stay away so you need to on their behalf.

I'm Angry on your behalf. If my PILs did anything like this, DS would never set foot in their house again or be with them unaccompanied. If DH didn't agree, I'd divorce him. And I say this as an avowed people pleaser who normally bends over backwards to fit in and has never contemplated divorce!

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