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To not want my in laws to get this dog ...

229 replies

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 07:42

I know this will make me VERY unpopular but as a rule, I don't like dogs. I hate the dogs mess on pavements, I hate being out for a walk and having dogs rush up to me and I hate aggressive barking when you go past houses or knock on doors.

I was attacked by a collie as a young teen and also have a cousin who was attacked by her friends dog (with no history of aggression, was not aggravated, lunged at a cat on her lap and it got nasty) in my presence requiring reconstructive surgery.

My in-laws provide childcare for my 7mo and 2yo DCs. They offered and were really keen to have them two afternoons a week. They also do other odd spells if I need to pop out (they live five minutes down the road).

They have used to have dogs but the last one passed away 18 months ago. My BIL has announced he is getting MIL a dog for her birthday. She is excited. He has found a two year old Staffordshire cross and they are picking it up today. In the advert it says "not suitable for a household with young children".

I questioned this but apparently it will be fine once it gets to know young children, it just has never had contact with them. The owners are selling as they are moving somewhere smaller without the room for a dog.

I have said fine, they can get the dog, but they can't have the children round there anymore.

I'm told I am being very unreasonable, hurtful and rude.

Am I? What would be the safest way to introduce the dog to children?

OP posts:
PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty · 28/05/2013 07:44


MrsWolowitz · 28/05/2013 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooka · 28/05/2013 07:46


Who has said that the dog will be fine once it gets used to children if the advert actually says not suitable for children?

And I suppose it's your children that would be used to get the dog used to kids?

No thanks.

manticlimactic · 28/05/2013 07:47

I was going to say YABU until I got to the bit where the advert said not suitable for homes with young children.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 28/05/2013 07:48

The previous owners know the dog, your ILs don't and are being highly irresponsible in their attitude. YANBU.

(I am a dog lover/owner and often the first to defend staffies; I am basing my statement on the ad and their response)

orangeone · 28/05/2013 07:49


The reason is in the dog advert!

Some dogs are fine around children but have to be introduced carefully and usually better from puppies IMHO so accept that children are part of the pack to protect. It doesn't sound like this is one of those dogs.

And I say the above as a dog owner (Jack Russell) who is currently curled up on my bed with my DD aged 3 - his best friend (although still NEVER left alone together).

You will need to find alterative childcare.

Quodlibet · 28/05/2013 07:49

They are being very daft buying a dog from an individual who may well be lying about reasons for rehoming, and not from a reputable rescue who would be able to match them with a dog who would suit their circumstances after professional assessment, and who would provide back-up if there were problems. It seems very odd that they would ignore a seller saying the dog wasn't suitable for a household with children.

I like dogs and think that dogs and young children can be fine, but your parents are being irresponsible in my opinion.

BrienneOfTarth · 28/05/2013 07:50

YANBU - A dog that has been brought up with children since it was a puppy and is known to be OK, that's fine. A 2yo dog that hasn't had regular contact with young children is unpredictable and could be risky. There is no way that anyone would be using a child of mine to experiment with whether this dog could be safe with children. You are exactly right to keep your kids away.

normaleggy · 28/05/2013 07:50

Yanbu, I would do exactly the same in your position. Why are they choosing to ignore that warning, is having a dog more important to them than the safety of their grandchildren? Stick to your guns.

raisah · 28/05/2013 07:50

Yanbu. If they get the dog then insist in it going in a cage when around your kids. My cm has her dog in a large cage when the kids are with her and they are never left alone with her. Dont leave your kids there when the dog is settling in because they behave unpredictably in a new environment.

ENormaSnob · 28/05/2013 07:51


Not a prayer would my kids be going there.

I like dogs btw.

diddl · 28/05/2013 07:51

I assume that you mean that they won't be giving childcare anymore-not that you'll never be visiting withe the children again?

BeerTricksPotter · 28/05/2013 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 07:52

My DH says I would be the same if it was a normal dog as I am prejudiced against them (which I am). I'd feel less concerned if it was something like a retriever or labrador (I was brought up with them).

I'm being accused of blackmailing by saying you have the dog or my DC in the house but not both together. I don't mean it to come across that way, but for me that is how it has to be. I won't judge if they would rather have the companionship of a dog 24/7 (I don't understand the appeal) instead of about 10 hours of my DC a week, but I'm not prepared to sacrifice their safety so they can have both.

It is causing a lot of argument and bad feeling though.

OP posts:
diddl · 28/05/2013 07:52

Oh & even if the dog was advertised as fine ´with kids-still doesn't mean that you would have to carry on leaving them if you'd rather not.

FannyFifer · 28/05/2013 07:52

Not unreasonable at all, they would not be looking after my children ever again.
Better get alternative child care sorted.
Why the fuck would they get such a dog?

jammiedonut · 28/05/2013 07:53

Yanbu to worry. At all. I'm a dog lover but would be wary of a dog that is advertised as not being suitable around young children. That being said, if your mil is an experienced dog owner who will train the new arrival and supervise well then you may be worrying unnecessarily. Two years old is relatively young and habits/ behaviours can be altered. We foster rescues and have been happy to introduce younger members of our family to them when they are ready, but always under carefully controlled conditions. It's good to see you are thinking about ways to introduce your children to the dog as you don't want your fears/ dislikes projecting onto them (my stepfather was attacked by dogs, and breaks into a sweat at the site of large Alsatian types but still. despite this fear, allowed us to have two mild mannered spaniels when we were young).

MatersMate · 28/05/2013 07:54

Am surprised your ILs are being so blase about it TBH.

VivaLeBeaver · 28/05/2013 07:54

Yanbu. I wouldn't let kids that age go round unless I was there supervising with an unknown dog of that breed.

I'm sure lots of staffie lovers will be here soon saying the dogs are generally neighbour has a lovely staffie so I know they can be. But this dog is an unknown quantity and the fact remains the two recent deaths by dogs have both been staffies I believe?

myroomisatip · 28/05/2013 07:56


There is no way I would allow my children around any dog that was 'new' to its home and owners, let alone one that isnt suitable to be around children.

It simply is not worth the risk. Your children rely on you to keep them safe.

MrsWolowitz · 28/05/2013 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loopyluna · 28/05/2013 07:58

Yanbu. My ILs had a huge beast of a dog when my eldest DC were small. I was really wary of it as it wasn't used to children snd the noise they make and in addition to being huge, it was really nervy.
Of course, I was ridiculed by the ILs. All my nieces and nephews used to stay with the ILs in school holidays and I was the selfish DIL who was preventing the ILs having a relationship with their grandchildren... So in the end I let them go overnight. We went to get them the next day to find our, then 4 year old, with a huge bite mark, milimetres from his right eye. (He's 13 now and still has a small scar.)
I was told, "oh it's just a scratch, he did worse to DN1 and DN2 and they survived!!"

YANBU at all.
Warning bells that the previous owners have already said that the dog isn't used to children. Your DC are far too young to understand the potential danger. (I read that children interpret growls and snarls as doggy smiles.)

Make other childcare arrangements and ask your ILs to keep dog outside when you visit. Dog might well be adorable but it is still a risk I wouldn't take.

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 07:58

diddl, I would still visit with the children but only when both me and my DH were there to supervise and keep a child each firmly on our lap, discreetly try and shut the dog outside, generally run interference.

They have already said they wouldn't be prepared to cage the dog and think it is "fussing" to suggest they are separated. They have a small, open plan bungalow so it wouldn't really be an option anyway.

OP posts:
ithaka · 28/05/2013 07:59

YANBU - you were, until I saw the breed and that is was not suitable for children. No way would I take that risk - and I am a dog lover/owner, who was raised with a dog & is raising my children with a dog..

The reason we got a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel is because we had a young family and they are kiddy safe. There are lots of suitable breeds for children.

GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 08:00

That's not blackmail, you are giving them a clear choice before they get the dog. I'd have done the same thing, and the person I'm annoyed with is your DH who can't see why you are worried and is blaming on your general dislike for dogs.
Rather than the very sensible grounds you have actually used. Staffies are hard to rehome, and for the owner to say not good with children reduces the number of homes possible. So the owner wouldn't be saying that without good reason.
It's going to be horrible for you, but stand your ground. The consequences of them being wrong could be a nightmare.

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