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AIBU?

To not want my in laws to get this dog ...

229 replies

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 07:42

I know this will make me VERY unpopular but as a rule, I don't like dogs. I hate the dogs mess on pavements, I hate being out for a walk and having dogs rush up to me and I hate aggressive barking when you go past houses or knock on doors.

I was attacked by a collie as a young teen and also have a cousin who was attacked by her friends dog (with no history of aggression, was not aggravated, lunged at a cat on her lap and it got nasty) in my presence requiring reconstructive surgery.

My in-laws provide childcare for my 7mo and 2yo DCs. They offered and were really keen to have them two afternoons a week. They also do other odd spells if I need to pop out (they live five minutes down the road).

They have used to have dogs but the last one passed away 18 months ago. My BIL has announced he is getting MIL a dog for her birthday. She is excited. He has found a two year old Staffordshire cross and they are picking it up today. In the advert it says "not suitable for a household with young children".

I questioned this but apparently it will be fine once it gets to know young children, it just has never had contact with them. The owners are selling as they are moving somewhere smaller without the room for a dog.

I have said fine, they can get the dog, but they can't have the children round there anymore.

I'm told I am being very unreasonable, hurtful and rude.

Am I? What would be the safest way to introduce the dog to children?

OP posts:

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janey68 · 28/05/2013 10:31

You live 5 mins from eachother.

I would hazard a guess that if they are going to act all offended and refuse to come to your house to do the childcare (even just one could come and the other stay with the dog) then they really have another agenda going on too and don't wish to do childcare any more.

I would keep things polite and invite them round to yours to see the grandkids but ultimately they can do as they please, you just don't have to go along with it too

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meddie · 28/05/2013 10:33

YANBU. I grew up with staffies and they were all beautiful, loving dogs and very soft natured BUT they are strong and powerful and pure muscle. (They used to be called nanny dogs because they treat chidlren as another puppy and can be very protective towards them, but only if brought up with them).

A dog that is not used to small, squealing, running around children, who may make sudden grabs towards it (because thats what little ones do) may react to them and a staffy if it does attack can be very difficult to get off someone, unless you know how to handle it. Their jaws are really powerful.

I would not be willing to leave my children with a dog with an unknown temperament, especially one that could do so much damage in a shirt space of time.

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WireCatWhore · 28/05/2013 10:33

Yanbu.

Cannot believe they'd rather a dog that's unsuitable around children, than their grandchildren.

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pigletmania · 28/05/2013 10:35

Yanbu at all. It s your prerogative as a parent to prefer a dog free environment fr your child, you are so not being unreasonable about this dog. It states in the advert tat its not suitable fir young Chidren. If your in laws get that dog, the chidcare stops now! I would have them round to your minus the dog.

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vintagecakeisstillnice · 28/05/2013 10:36

Doesn't matter what the breed of dog is.

I?ve known vicious dogs from ?soppy? breeds and piles of jelly from ?aggressive? breeds.

I knew a Rottweiler who was terrified of small kids and would run hide and pee in terror, and a Chihuahua who thought he was 7 foot tall. .

At the end of it all, the people who know this dog best have said that this particular dog is not suitable around small children.

Why does your BIL and MIL think they know better than the current owners?

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Gobbolinothewitchscat · 28/05/2013 10:40

I like dogs but your PILs sound quite mad

Do not get into discussion about this with them. You do not need to justify yourself to them - the position to any sane person is quite clear

The children are not looked after by PILs and the children do not visit PILs' house. PILs can come and visit children at your house. I wouldn't allow PILs to take children out without one of yiu accompanying them. They sound the kind of nutters who would take the DC and the dog to the park. Do not get into discussion or debate about this. Do not allow PILs so make you feel bad or persuade you in time that the dog is safe. The consequences are horrific and you don't even know if the PILS are going to be able to control this dog.

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GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 10:41

Smite:
'If you have a dog and need to move house, you move somewhere with enough room. That's how it works. Responsible owners don't ditch their animals because they're moving house'

I know I've said this before, but dog haters and dog dislikers don't fill the shelters with discarded animals. People who think of themselves as dog lovers do.

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pigletmania · 28/05/2013 10:41

I read of an old English sheepdog dig who attatcked and maimed a child

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GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 10:42

All dogs have the potential to bite if stressed; any size, any time, any place anywhere.
It's just the size and location of the bite that determines the outcome.

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CalamityKate · 28/05/2013 10:43

Love dogs.
Have dogs.
Would NOT be allowing my children to be around this dog.

If this dog was simply unused to children the ad would have said so. The fact they've stated it isn't suitable for a home with children means its actually gotrevious. I'd put money on that.

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Cloverer · 28/05/2013 10:44

YANBU at all!

I love dogs, and don't have a problem with dogs around children but when you hear of babies and toddlers being mauled by dogs it is so often the grandparents' dog and the kids were just visiting. So I think you need to be extra cautious in that situation anyway.

Adding to that the fact that they are presumably buying this dog off gumtree/facebook/trade-it, and have no idea about the dog's past really or even why it is being sold, and the current owners feel concerned enough to specifically avoid homes with children - well tbh I think you would be quite negligent to put your very small children in that situation.

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D0oinMeCleanin · 28/05/2013 10:48

Another thing that would concern me is that Staffies are renowned for their inherent love of and patience with children, what exactly has been done to this one to make him unsuitable with children?

And yy to what Calamity said. I'd also bet this dog has previous.

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jamdonut · 28/05/2013 10:48

YANBU

Hate Staffies and anything remotely like them. They are unpredictable.

I know the same can be said of all dogs, but these types are always the ones that seem to harm people,young or old. I've never met one that didn't look as if it wanted to rip your throat out. It amazes me that people act all surprised when they do attack.

We have a Lhasa Apso puppy. She is the most friendliest,loving and fun-loving dog I have ever had.( Some people say they are yappy, but ours only barks if she is suprised by something,it certainly isn't constant.)

If the advert said not suitable for a household with young children,I would be very worried.( Presumably that is why they are getting rid of it? Moving home is just an excuse, in my opinion.)

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Alisvolatpropiis · 28/05/2013 11:01

jam it's true staffies can be unpredictable but that is down the the training,or rather lack thereof, they have received since becoming trendy "hard man" dogs of choice. The breed is no more inherently aggressive than any other,they are incredibly powerful though and training is key.

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Icantstopeatinglol · 28/05/2013 11:04

Yanbu, we've had the same issue with my pil. They got a rescue dog that is hyper to say the least but won't keep it away from dc so we don't go round anymore.....consequently they now don't bother coming to us so don't see their dgc at all now. Dh went round to talk to them about it and the dog was diving about so much it hit dh in the chin at least twice (he was standing up and nearly 6ft tall!). Mil looked embarrassed but still stands her ground through sheer stubbornness.
Their loss not ours if they're willing to put a dog before their grand kids.

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HazleNutt · 28/05/2013 11:05

YANBU. I love dogs and have 2 myself. But I would not let anybody babysit my DC if they have a dog that is unsuitable for households with children. Surely that's a no-brainer? Can't be any more clear? No uncertainty if the dog is fine to have around children or not - it's not.

What exactly are your PILs and BIL thinking when they chose this particular dog, out of thousands?

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TheEndTisHere · 28/05/2013 11:05

YADNBU I'm a dog lover and owner because my DC are young I would not be getting any dog other than a puppy from a owner with young children. My children know how to treat animals and have never pulled or jumped on any animal and have always been told a dog WILL bite.

I'm very lucky that my dog has always been in a home with young children and is an easy going dog. I had my friends child who I was told was fine with dogs as they have three big aggressive breeds, the child did a full blown jump on my dog! Luckily (very luckily) my dog just sat there wined a little and wagging her tail where my heart fully went as soon as I saw him preping to jump just didn't have time to stop him. I now send her next door when I look after him. I dread to think what would happen if he did that to his dogs (locked away from him I found out after). Also his DM was not one bit bothered that he jumped on her makes me think his done it many times before.

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CrabbyBigBottom · 28/05/2013 11:06

I love dogs but your PILs are fucking idiots, frankly, if they think that what they're doing is safe. Stick to your guns, don't let them have the children in their house with the dog.

Who buys a dog from a bloody advert anyway? Stupid people.

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CrabbyBigBottom · 28/05/2013 11:08

Theend I wouldn't be looking after that child again if he did that to my dog!

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jamdonut · 28/05/2013 11:09

I'm prepared to be wrong about them, but round here everyone seems to have loud,agressive ones! I don't trust them!

Also, the fact that the PIL's refuse to crate train is worrying.Most people I know with dogs seem to have them, and that includes us. It just is common sense.

And, as much as I've said our puppy is loveable, I wouldn't leave her unsupervised with small children. Dog's don't like it when they squeal and grab.

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SusanneLinder · 28/05/2013 11:12

I am a dog lover, and have two rescues. I have grandchildren and I would not take a dog that wasn't suitable for young children.

Actually I let my dogs say hello and then put them out when the kids are about so they can play in peace as DGS is only two and hasnt learned that the dogs don't like tail pullling yet. I am pretty sure they wouldn't touch him, but any responsible dog owner never trusts their dogs with kids unsupervised.

Dogs are happy with a snooze in their bed, although I take DGS out on walkies with dogs.

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Chivetalking · 28/05/2013 11:12

YAtotallynotBU.

Your IL's are head-in-the-sand fools.

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OctopusWrangler · 28/05/2013 11:55

For whoever asked why the in laws aren't going to a reputable shelter, I'd bet cost. A staffie out of the paper/from facebook is about £50 about these parts. Compared to the rightly higher fees from rescues, and the house check and such. Yeah. I'd be avoiding at all cost.

(I like dogs, just not enough to live with one)

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silverten · 28/05/2013 11:55

Can I just say, OP, that this is probably the only dog thread I've ever read on mumsnet that was totally unanimous?

That should lend weight to your convictions!

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Alisvolatpropiis · 28/05/2013 11:59

jam there's plenty like that where I live,I feel sorry for the dogs and have zero respect for the owners. Your puppy sounds very sweet by the way

I totally agree with op for what it's worth. Any dog that comes with "not suitable for children" is a big no. Be it a staffie,a lab or a jack russell. I honestly don't know what your pil are thinking!

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