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AIBU?

To not want my in laws to get this dog ...

229 replies

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 07:42

I know this will make me VERY unpopular but as a rule, I don't like dogs. I hate the dogs mess on pavements, I hate being out for a walk and having dogs rush up to me and I hate aggressive barking when you go past houses or knock on doors.

I was attacked by a collie as a young teen and also have a cousin who was attacked by her friends dog (with no history of aggression, was not aggravated, lunged at a cat on her lap and it got nasty) in my presence requiring reconstructive surgery.

My in-laws provide childcare for my 7mo and 2yo DCs. They offered and were really keen to have them two afternoons a week. They also do other odd spells if I need to pop out (they live five minutes down the road).

They have used to have dogs but the last one passed away 18 months ago. My BIL has announced he is getting MIL a dog for her birthday. She is excited. He has found a two year old Staffordshire cross and they are picking it up today. In the advert it says "not suitable for a household with young children".

I questioned this but apparently it will be fine once it gets to know young children, it just has never had contact with them. The owners are selling as they are moving somewhere smaller without the room for a dog.

I have said fine, they can get the dog, but they can't have the children round there anymore.

I'm told I am being very unreasonable, hurtful and rude.

Am I? What would be the safest way to introduce the dog to children?

OP posts:

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Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/05/2013 08:17

YANBU at all!

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YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 28/05/2013 08:18

My SIL has a lovely, friendly dog. But he has a cage and if he is over-excited or over-faced by a house full of kids when we visit, that is where he goes. It isn't fussing, it just makes things easier for the dog and the kids.

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angelsonhigh · 28/05/2013 08:18

THEIR rules.

Agree they will have to be very careful mixing DC and dogs. Hopefully they are fairly intelligent and have enough sense to keep the two apart

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GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 08:18

It's only the MN mantra when the spelling is correct.
The OP is not questioning 'their house, their rules' angels.
Precisely the opposite in fact. They have the right to get whatever dog they choose, and she has the right to keep her children safe from what she considers to be an avoidable danger.

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Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/05/2013 08:18

Just wanted to add: Would you rather piss your in-laws off a bit or have to go and see your DC after recontructive surgery (or worse)?

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BeerTricksPotter · 28/05/2013 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 08:20

They don't intend to keep them apart, the OP has already said that they have a small open-plan bungalow and don't intend to cage the dog.

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extracrunchy · 28/05/2013 08:21

YANBU. No way mine would going round there and I love dogs.

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alarkthatcouldpray · 28/05/2013 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloralFantasy · 28/05/2013 08:22

My DH shares my concerns, it is my BIL buying to dog. We have told him our concerns and he couldn't care less. He used them as childcare but his DS is 22 and DD is 19 now. My DH just sent a text offering to pay 50% of the cost of a new puppy if they really want a dog but MIL wants this one now and doesn't want to house train a puppy.

It really leaves me in the lurch with childcare though as it is such short notice, I'm not sure what I will do about work this week.

I know I am very prejudiced against dogs so it helps to know I'm not just being unreasonable.

OP posts:

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rainbowfeet · 28/05/2013 08:24

You are not be unreasonable at all!!!!

I would say exactly the same thing if I were you. My God a trainable puppy is one thing but an older dog of a precarious breed & is already known not to be good around children!!!! What the hell are they thinking!!!!

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OrangeMochaFrappucino · 28/05/2013 08:25

If your DH is not supportive and your in-laws dismiss your sensible and realistic concerns as 'fussing' I wouldn't take the children round at all - ever. You think you can 'discreetly' shut the dog out, they will be desperate to prove that the dog is safe around children and the second your back is turned, who knows what they could do? They are clearly not responsible; I don't think you can trust their judgement at all. It isn't blackmail, it's ensuring the safety of your children who are still so very small and vulnerable.

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angelsonhigh · 28/05/2013 08:25

I did correct myself Goblin

Common sense should prevail.

I have 2 dogs. They live outside . They have warm kennels in a sheltered area . They are taken for a walk twice a day.

Any DC who come to the house either stay inside or the dogs are penned before they go outside. My dogs are Jack Russells but I still wouldn't trust them alone with DC

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OrangeMochaFrappucino · 28/05/2013 08:26

Sorry, cross post - your DH is on your side. Canyou take annual leave at short notice?

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Tailtwister · 28/05/2013 08:26

YANBU. It clearly states the dog isn't suitable to have around young children in the advert! Also, as it's not a puppy you have no idea what kind of treatment it's had in it's previous home.

There's no way I would be allowing my children round there under same circumstances.

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rainbowfeet · 28/05/2013 08:28

Well if they can put the wanting a dig before their grandchildrens welfare & before their sons needs then not good parents is all I can say!!! At least give you a chance to find alternative child care!!! Bloody selfish

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MrsMook · 28/05/2013 08:28

I grew up with dogs, and DM now has a 3yr old shitzou. When I visit with DS (2) I'm cautious because DS is not part of the dog's "pack". They do get on well- under close supervision, but the dog gets fed up and likes to retreat to his pen for some peace.

The ILs sounds very irresponsible in this case. They are ignoring a warning about the dog and aren't prepared to isolate the dog which it may well need for it's own comfort as the DCs. Dog attacks are rarely on children that are in the same household and part of the dog's "pack", they are usually on extended family or visitors who the dog interprets as invading its territory, and everyone else seems to be ignoring flashing danger signs.

YANBU. If the dog was a puppy/ well used to children, a more reliable breed (I know a lot of people swear by Staffies, but they do seem to hit the headlines for the wrong reason) and the ILs showing an awareness of how to handle a dog, the situation would be very different.

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nurseneedshelp · 28/05/2013 08:29

Same as everyone else, its a bad idea.

I'm a huge staffie fan , they're amazing dogs and fantastic with children but if the poor thing has been advertised as going to a home without children then there's clearly a reason for that!

You wouldn't settle whilst the kids were there.

Stand by your decision and start looking for alternative child care I think!

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WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2013 08:30

YANBU. And I really cannot fathom the motivation of your BIL deliberately choosing a dog for your PIL that the previous owners have stated is not suitable for a household with small children in it! Has he any reason to want to put an end to his parents taking care of your children?

We have a Staffordshire, and she came to us as an adult with no reliable history. As it turned out she is great with small children (occasional visiting neice and nephew) but six adults were on full alert when they were all in the same room together.

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BeerTricksPotter · 28/05/2013 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarrySnotter · 28/05/2013 08:31

YANBU at all and they are being unfair. If they really do want to look after your DCs for a couple of afternoons, couldn't they do it at your house, not theirs? You have no choice in this, I'm a dog lover but would never leave a dog, whose history you really don't know, with young children regardless what breed it is. If I were you I would be nice about it and tell them that you understand that they want the dog and that's fine, but you will need to make other childcare arrangements and follow it through. Don't feel blackmailed about this its too big a deal.

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Morloth · 28/05/2013 08:31

YANBU.

I wouldn't be sending my DCs there.

Is a no brainer, they can think whatever they like, it doesn't matter.

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GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 08:31

'I did correct myself Goblin '

Yup, but I'm a slow typist

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GoblinGranny · 28/05/2013 08:33

'I love dogs and have been known to tut and sigh at overly-precious anti-dog people'

:P Yes, BTP, but you are a reasonable and balanced person, so I still respect your judgements.

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CSIJanner · 28/05/2013 08:34

YANBU. Immediate childcare issues - is it half term where you are? If so, there are chruch groups that run holiday clubs (without forcing religion down your throat) for a small fee. You will have to provide lunch and possibly pocket money if there are day trips. Or local gyms run holiday clubs as well but can work out more expensive.

HTH! I don't blame you though - the advert was the clincher really.

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