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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:
jacks365 · 22/05/2013 23:23

I'm assuming dd's dad is not dp so we are talking 2 different people there.

YOU seem to be looking for excuses to spend a day with dd, if she wanted it she'd have asked for it while away or ask to miss an activity to be with you. Can you truthfully say you are doing this for your daughter not yourself.

Crikeyblimey · 22/05/2013 23:23

What does the child then say at school when the teacher or her friends ask her I she's feeling better?

School is school - she needs to attend.

Also - to all the people saying "if your dd needs it, just do it", the op clearly admits it is HER who wants this because she "misses" her.

I understand the missing thing. It can be tough but you are the adult. Suck it up for a few weeks. Spend quality "hours" with her before and after school. It will get easier as both your children get older.

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:24

But I don't think the odd long weekend can be classed as "low attendance". How many duvet days were you giving them?

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:24

children of 5yo do not "repeatedly ask for time" with someone

at this age, they go with the flow

you say today is a school day, that is what it is, you tell them it's saturday and no school, it's whoopee

an hour to them has the stretching expanse of a whole day...a day is a week, a week a year

OP, I don't think you understand children very well

this is your issue...not hers

kawliga · 22/05/2013 23:25

Altinkum you cannot be serious. By the time they are old enough to start school they are old enough to know the difference between school days and weekends/holidays! If I kept my DD off school she would definitely know that something was not going as normal. She knows what school days are! As for lying to her and saying it's a bank holiday...

Don't keep your child off school and then lie to her that it's a bank holiday because you 'miss her'. Please. Don't be weird. Just be a good normal parent and take your child to school.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:25

Sooty I wanted to see if anyone had any valid alternatives or downsides that I hadn't already considered

OP posts:
allinatizz · 22/05/2013 23:25

I'd do it. She probably won't even notice it's a school day - my DD1 asks what we're doing each day, she doesn't really know when it's a weekend and when it isn't - make it a Friday, I would. Enjoy your time with her, I wouldn't see it as setting a precedent.

You could even tell the school she's tired so you're keeping her home.

TheSmallClanger · 22/05/2013 23:26

You have been given viable alternatives - an evening in without activities, or a babysitter for your younger child.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 22/05/2013 23:26

I think you're being self indulgent

Try and find a regular time in the day that you spend with dd. I spend half an hour at bedtime with ds reading or chatting or playing a game. If dh comes home early he takes dd off for half an hour and I spend the time with ds.

How many after school activities is she doing? I cut ds' right back because it was exhausting for him and he preferred to spend the time with me.

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:26

and when you "miss her" next term..and next week ?

what then ?

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:27

Agree Altinkum at that age my dc didn't know. They certainly didn't question why they weren't going. I told them no school today and that was that.

burberryqueen · 22/05/2013 23:28

sgt calhoun it was a few too many days when they were tired or had a cough or an earache or so on, low level stuff that didn't warrant a visit to the doctor....

5madthings · 22/05/2013 23:28

They don't always know, ds4 doesn't have a clue what day of the week of is and asks most morning if it is a school day,'of I said it wasn't me would accept that. As it is he has older siblings going to school so then he knows bit if he has been too tired I have let him have the day off. The school are fine with that ad the teacher has said sometimes its the best thing for them at this age.

morethanpotatoprints · 22/05/2013 23:29

YABU but not for the schools sake, sod the system.
You would be sending her the message that skipping school is no big deal. What will you do when the temptation is there next time. How will you be modelling good discipline which she will need when she is older.
This comes from someone who took her dd out of school because she wanted to be at home and do her own thing.
There is a difference though, I would never have encouraged her to skive.

WorraLiberty · 22/05/2013 23:29

Your thread title says it all.

And if she has 100% attendance, why do you want to spoil that...especially when it's half term next week?

BumgrapesofWrath · 22/05/2013 23:30

I am quite surprised at the YABU responses!

My mum and dad did this a handful of times, they'd have a work sickie, and I'd be kept off school. We'd all have a lovely day together, and I've got some great memories from it!

An odd day off makes no difference. I did very well at school, enjoyed school even! It won't set a precedent as long as you make it clear it is a rare occurrence.

Crikeyblimey · 22/05/2013 23:30

Precedent does not mean "always do the same thing in exactly the same circumstances".

If op feels she has "got away" with not abiding by attendance rules for no good reason - the "precedent" would suggest that this non attendance can be "got away with" whenever she pleases.

Anyway, as already stated. Op has decided and that's fine - her choice but she asked and I believe it is unreasonable.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/05/2013 23:30

I don't think 1 day off would really harm her, but nor would it solve the problem that she wants to see more of you.

Whatalotofpiffle · 22/05/2013 23:31

Great idea :)

kawliga · 22/05/2013 23:32

I'm really shocked that some parents just randomly take their DC to school or keep them home as they deem fit.

This is why they say that it's the home life, not the school, that determines how the child turns out. The best school in the world cannot overcome a parent who teaches the DC that school is to be randomly attended and when we miss each other we just stay home and have a 'duvet day' OMG.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:32

AF - I don't think you're in a position to comment on what my child has said and say she hasn't actually said it. Yes an hour may seem like a long time beforehand but it isn't long enough to do the things she'd like to.
She would know it's a school day so would do it on a Friday

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 22/05/2013 23:32

Sorry OP

Just thought, I didn't know how old your dd is. If she is young as suggested above, and she wouldn't know any difference, who would be the wiser. Obviously don't make a habit of it.

WeAreEternal · 22/05/2013 23:33

Sorry but YABU.
You can't just take a day off school because you fancy a day at home together, it sets a bad example, even in reception.

Besides, that is exactly what the weekends are for.

If your youngest DC is so demanding that they require undivided attention 24/7 then it sounds like you have a problem that you need to be working on with that DC while your DD is at school.

I think you should consider hiring a baby sitter, maybe a local teenage would be a good choice since you don't actually plan to leave the house, just someone cheap who can entertain your extremely demanding toddler while you give your DD some attention.

Yes it is difficult and unfortunate that you have a difficult toddler and a DP that works shift. But guess what lots of other have similar situations and they manage to devote at least a small amount of their attention each to their older children without having to take them out of school randomly when they feel like it.

emstats · 22/05/2013 23:33

Absolutely 100% you should do it!!!!! Hope you have a great day together :) my mum did it for me, I still remember it, it certainly didn't effect my schooling (what a load of crap!) But did have a very positive impact on how I felt at the time and my relationship (going forward) with my mum and siblings.

WorraLiberty · 22/05/2013 23:33

If the OP is this needy, I really can't see this being a one off.

There are so many other ways to spend time with one child.