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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:13

I don't have 2 days every weekend - her father and I are separated so she has contact for half of them and the rest of the time I have younger DD so can't do the things elder DD wants to do with me

OP posts:
Crikeyblimey · 22/05/2013 23:13

Have a full day whilst you are on holiday next week or wait another 7 and have a full day during the summer hols.

From the way you post it seems to me like this is for you not her. I think you need to think about why "you" want to deprive her of a day with her classmates and set a dangerous precedent.

I would love to take a sneaky day with just ds and I but I can't. He has school and I have work.

He is only in school for 40 weeks out of 52 - we find plenty of time to just do stuff together.

ClartyCarol · 22/05/2013 23:14

I don't see it's a big deal - she's in Reception, it's not a regular thing, giving her the one to one time with you that she's craving at the expense of six hours in Reception (where let's face it, she's not exactly learning quadratic equations, more likely junk modelling and practising her phonics) is not setting her up.for a lifetime of truancy and underachievement.

I did similar with my 4yr old a few weeks ago, she had been up through the night and was clingy and upset in the morning. She wasn't ill but I made the decision she was better off having the day with me. Her lovely Reception teacher was fine with it, nodded sympathetically and said "I think they need it sometimes don't they?".

Loshad · 22/05/2013 23:14

jaw dropped to floor at poster who wakes her kids in the middle of the night for me time Shock
say that as a mum of 4 (less than 7 years covering them)

TheSmallClanger · 22/05/2013 23:14

Why does it matter what his shift patterns are in the week if he's the NRP then?

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:15

"Dangerous precedent" in relation to a 4/5 year old having the odd day off with her Mum makes me Grin.

LittleMissLucy · 22/05/2013 23:15

Do it OP. I would. In fact I took mine out of preschool for a few weeks with me, as her real school doesn't start until september and its our last hurrah.

kawliga · 22/05/2013 23:16

School is NOT optional regardless of the age! You can choose not to enrol your 4 year old but once enrolled they have to attend.

It's funny how some parents think it's ok to keep children off school when they're young and then later (cue teenage years) they'll be wondering how to make them go to school when they want to bunk off. Do you think a magic age arrives where you then start trying to teach them that actually maybe they should go to school after all? What if your 13 year old wants a 'duvet day'?

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:16

Indeed

12 weeks out of 52 for you to have "special" days

although what would suit a 5yo better is a regular hour or two where she gets your undivided attention

making her wait for a full day is not the best model for an immature brain to process

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:17

burberryqueen they reported you to SS just for that? Shock

SanityClause · 22/05/2013 23:17

Get XP to have them in the week, so you have a weekend together, then get a babysitter for the little one, so you can take DD1 out?

Altinkum · 22/05/2013 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woahthere · 22/05/2013 23:19

fuck it, just have the day off with her...don't even explain it to her. My 5 year old wakes up evey day and asks if it is a school day and would believe me whatever day I told him. If you really really feel like you need a day to reconnect with your child then do it, i dont think it will send any message (unless you make a big deal of it) and I dont think it will make a big difference. As long as you dont do it all the time...

Crikeyblimey · 22/05/2013 23:19

I think the precedent (IMO) is not necessarily wrt the child - but with the op. if she convinces herself it's ok now, what's to say its not ok anytime.

Op - does the baby have a weekend day with dp? Can you not have your day then?

And - yes, I've kept ds off school after a bad night's sleep to recharge his batteries but that's not the same as planning a day out during term time.

CloudsAndTrees · 22/05/2013 23:19

So it's unfair for her to miss after school activities, but a day off school just for the sake of it is ok? Hmm

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:19

It doesn't sound like the kid needs it

it sounds like the op "needs" it

burberryqueen · 22/05/2013 23:20

yes low attendance is a biggie

WorraLiberty · 22/05/2013 23:20

"Dangerous precedent" in relation to a 4/5 year old having the odd day off with her Mum makes me Grin

You do realise what precedent means don't you?

As in she won't always be 4/5 and she won't always be in Reception class.

But she'll always be at school (until she's 18)

Giving her the message now that school is no important if she wants to do something more fun, is the wrong message to send at this early stage.

FamiliesShareGerms · 22/05/2013 23:20

You need to find another way of giving her your undivided attention. For DS, I try to make sure that he and I get 30 mins or so to read a book together or talk about stuff when DD has gone to bed. I wouldn't dream of taking him out of school just because I wanted a bit more time with him.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2013 23:20

I agree with AF.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:20

What about 'her repeatedly asking for time with me' makes you think it's more about me than her?? Her school behaviour is impeccable, she's ahead at reading (and reading with me uninterrupted is one of the things she wants to do) she wouldn't use it to try and score another day off and has had 100% attendance up until now

OP posts:
SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:21

Yes I realise what the word precedent means.

Just because I don't agree with it it doesn't mean I don't have a good grasp of the English language.

5madthings · 22/05/2013 23:22

How did social services even know and the school? I simply phone the school and say that child is poorly/too tired to go to school and the are very understanding. He is my fourth child at the school and we had child services involvement she I was poorly after having ds4 and their school attendence was not an issue.

It didn't set a terrible precedent my elder three all go to school unless I'll no bother and at high achievers doing well.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2013 23:22

So, OP: you've obviously made up your mind already. It's going to be one of those threads...

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:23

OP do what feels right for you and dd.

Another day you'd get a load of posters advocating duvet days for Reception age children. I know because I have quite often seen it.

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