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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:
TheSmallClanger · 22/05/2013 23:45

OP, I really don't understand where you are coming from. You are desperate to spend time with DD, to the point of missing her, but have no problem insisting on her attendance of several after-school activities. Your excuse for not hiring a babysitter is also very odd - children that young are rarely altruistic without being coached to be so.

There is some specific thing you want to do with her, on a specific day, isn't there, and you're just trying to justify it to yourself?

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:45

I don't think it's the OP that needs to get a grip onesleep.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2013 23:46

My issue isn't the "missing lessons" - I appreciate one missed day in reception won't ruin her education. It is the total lack of respect for the school, the teacher, her classmates etc. that bothers me. School isn't a drop in centre. But maybe people also have the same feelings about work and throw sickies left right and centre

Absolutely.

BumgrapesofWrath · 22/05/2013 23:46

Love how a "keeping a child off school" thread really gets everyone going!

5madthings · 22/05/2013 23:46

Sometimes a little child doesn't need to be I'll to have a day off school, sometimes they are just too tired and worn out, especially when you get a long term. I don't think one day join reception sets a precedent and means of will happen loads and it can be to the benefit of the child and the school who then get a child who is refreshed and engages well whilst at school.

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:46

I am failing to understand the straw arguments on this thread

child with health problems

treachorous snow and ice

not a problem

staying home with mummy because she misses you...a grip needs getting by mummy

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:47

Worra - no I really don't have anyone who could have her, not everyone is that lucky.several of her classmates have had whole fortnights off for holidays or weeks for colds whereas DD has always gone in even if not 100%

OP posts:
Inertia · 22/05/2013 23:47

Well surely if older DD took a day off school you'd have younger DD at home to look after anyway, which defeats the object.

Make a space in your holiday plans next week for DP to have a day with younger DD so that you and older DD can do something together.

I'm one of those people who thinks that taking days out of school , even for holidays, is sometimes unavoidable- but this sounds as though you have plenty of options about spending a day with DD1, you just don't want to consider any other way around it.

Cherriesarelovely · 22/05/2013 23:49

I did this once or twice last year when I was having some health problems and was in hospital alot and Dd found it incredibly upsetting. I know she wasn't exactly ill but she needed some really quiet time with me to make her feel calm and happy again. I was honest with the school, I honestly can't remember what they said about it! I do know that my Dd has very little time off and when she is at school she works very hard and does pretty much every club going!

She has never asked for that since and I've never felt the need again but I don't agree that this necessarily "sets a precedent". I also don't think that the odd occasion makes a huge amount of difference at school and I say that as a teacher myself. It is totally different if your child is off alot due to illness or holidays anyway but if they are not the ODD day to recharge or re connect with a parent is not going to make any difference to their schooling but might to their emotional wellbeing.

I totally disagree with adults phoning in sick when they are not though. I love my job and would never do that to my colleagues either

Bobyan · 22/05/2013 23:49

Children are only in school for 38 weeks a year, so why on earth has your DD not had one to one time in 15 months?!?

Thymeout · 22/05/2013 23:50

OP, what does your child say when the teacher or her friends ask her why she missed a day at school?

The truth? Can't see that going down too well.

I really hope you don't encourage her to fib.

Cherriesarelovely · 22/05/2013 23:50

LittleLisa, I think you make a very good point about your Dds friends who frequently take say 2 weeks off school for a holiday etc.

5madthings · 22/05/2013 23:50

Oh we probably could have traipsed to school in the snow bit a half hour walk would have been more like 50mins+ with a tired four or old and a toddler in pushchair over a snow covered field, so we stayed home as did most others and mine have had the odd day when they were just too tired and needed a quiet day and sometime at home. It snot often and only in reception (and yr1 for ds3) I just don't think that one day will set a terrible precedent or cause problems I the future.

MortifiedAdams · 22/05/2013 23:51

look, OP, the fact of the matter is you decided to have a second child. Common sense would tell you that one-to-one time with your eldest would reduce its not rocket science.

Get a grip and do what ever other parent of more than one does and grab bits of time here and there with one of them rather than keeping your dd off school for a whole day just to satisfy your craving for time with her and an attempt.to asuage your obvious guilt at less.one-to-one.time which is a prodcut of your own doing.

TheSmallClanger · 22/05/2013 23:51

OP, you either have "no-one to have her" or you won't leave your younger DD with a sitter because your other DD gets upset on her behalf. Which is it?

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:52

Because younger DD is high needs and has only just got to the point where DP can care for her

OP posts:
TheSmallClanger · 22/05/2013 23:53

So why say that thing about the other DD getting upset then?

Also, is high needs, SN?

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 23:54

Both clanger, they aren't contradictory things to say.

OP posts:
ohforfoxsake · 22/05/2013 23:54

Bet you are glad you asked now Lisa Wink

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:55

lisa doesn't care that she asked...her decision is already made

Bobyan · 22/05/2013 23:56

So instead of missing school why don't you deal with the real issue here, which is your inadequate partner?!?

Cherriesarelovely · 22/05/2013 23:58

I think to be fair people sometimes come to AIBU because they are unsure about their course of action but actually reading people's varied veiwpoints serves to strengthen their original veiwpoint which is actually allowed!!! Op does not have to do what the "majority" here think. I have frequently disagreed with the majority veiw!

AnyFucker · 22/05/2013 23:59

I am hoping lisa comes back here with a very good reason why her partner is not inadequate at all, and that her considering cutting into her daughter's schooling to make up for it is absolutely nothing to do with her decision at all

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:59

I never get this about AIBU. Posters are actually allowed to post, get loads of dissenting opinions, weigh them up and then still do what they want to do, even if it opposes the majority of the thread. Are they supposed to do what a bunch of randoms on the Internet say without question?

SgtTJCalhoun · 22/05/2013 23:59

Cross post cherries Smile

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