to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

[LittleLisa78]

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

Not sure why special time not happening when we were kids is particularly relevant tbh. There were a lot of ideas about parenting back then that we don't subscribe to now.

A lot of posters are relating times where they had these special times with their parents and it seems to be overwhelmingly positive. It's also advised in many parenting manuals.

I have to admit I am puzzled along the same lines as 2rebecca: finding it difficult to imagine a form of SN that is female only.

So AF, there's been a girl in DD's class who only went back today from Easter half term because she has excema. Should I have a go at her mum for all the filling in the gaps the teacher is going to have to do which, by your logic, will detract from DD's education?

thats really low comparing your dd to a child who is ill and uncomfortable with a skin condition, just because you cant manage time with your dd keep her off school but I really don't think it will solve anything it will just put a proverbial plaster over the problem,

wonderingagain. Your post of 23:94 is actually quite disturbing. Responsible parenting? You should write a book...
I'm still confused as to who will look after the baby on the day the child misses school?. Op's dp can't do it when they're all on holiday as he struggles with the baby on his own. Is she planning to put the baby in a cupboard for the day? And if so, can't she do that at the weekend anyway?
. . Op, you are being utterly ridiculous sending your dd to countless extra curricular activities, while planning to keep her off school because you don't get to spend enough time with her.

There is no logic in that whatsoever.

Fourlittledudes

Your day off is very similar to what I do with dd 9 yrs most days. You learn so much maths and science from practical application, and its far more fun than being stuck in a classroom, according to my dd

"There are only so many ways in which a 1 year old can be difficult to look after, i wouldn't have thought there was anything magical about being female for dealing with any of them".

Men can't breastfeed. I wouldn't have left my ds alone with his dad at age 1 for that reason.

Wouldn't it be lovely if every parent did what the OP is suggesting?
Random 'fun' days with each of their DCs?

Can you imagine how schools would cope?

And OP - why are you asking? (and why is your 'advanced'6 Year-old in Reception? Lots have asked and you haven't answered).
You want to do it, you have clearly made up your mind. Did you really need a random collection of other mothers to validate it for you?

What WOULD happen if more parents allowed a child to miss a day of school to spend quality time with a parent? I imagine the entire infrastructure of our education system would collapse and it would be the beginning of the end of civilisation. Or else, you know, it would no big deal.

Also OP how dare you not provide a detailed justification of what exactly happens in your house regarding your younger DD. You have asked for advice on a matter you were concerned about, so we DEMAND to know why you choose not to leave DD2 in her Father's care until now, WHY your 5 year old is in reception and WHY you selfishly insist on facilitating activities for your daughter outside school ours despite being quite clearly told you ought not to.

If you don't provide answers immediately you deserve to be attacked by self righteous strangers on mumsnet. Obviously.

everlong
Quite.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards
If people post a question and they don't give enough info for a considered response, then others will ask questions. Especially as this is AIBU.

If you don't want the answers (and further clarification questions), then don't ask.

The OP is being badgered, the questions are loaded and unpleasant.

There's many on here who think its fine to this, there's many that don't. Why can't you say you think she's wrong and leave it there? What is this need some of you have to force the OP to explain the ins and outs of her personal life to you? To rake her entire life over the coals, imply she is a liar and judge her as a selfish and terrible mother on the basis of this one small aspect of her life and parenting. Why do you take her refusal to agree with you so personally?

OP: AIBU?
Majority: yes!
OP: oh well, thanks but I am still going to anyway.
Majority:

She's allowed to read all your posts and then still decide to do her own thing, honestly she really, really is!

Some of these posts are sailing very close to the wind on the bullying front.

My dc have had the odd day off - on one occasion I had such bad flu I couldn't have got out of bed for £1 million, so dd roamed the house all day with me waving an arm from my bed weakly instructing her to eat Cheerios for lunch.

But in the case of this thread, there are a few oddities. Are there two men or is OP just separated from one? Extra-curricular activities five nights a week? That must be costing a fortune as well as being a load of hassle for all concerned. And as others have said, if dd2 is around, how does this make things different for dd1 if she has a "duvet day"?

So the reasons are as follows...
. the ops dp only gets a day off every 6 weeks, and never at the weekend
. the op cannot leave her baby with anyone other than dp as she has high needs which have become special needs since the thread began or the op needs to believe she is indispensable
. it is not enough to spend a couple of hours one to one, as the ops dd needs as whole day
. they can't do it at half term as the activities the op ops dd wants to do can only be done locally

There is also an older ds but apparently he is not a genius, as he has not asked to spend the day one to one with his mother

Confused? Just assume that everything that applies to normal people, is not applicable to the op and you'll be okay.

If you have 2 children, you daughter needs to learn that one on one time rarely exists and surely she won't do this if you take her out of school for the day, she is part of a family and she should enjoy the time you all have together if it is rare make sure you make the most of it when it happens.

AIBU isn't an invitation to attack.

This woman asked what people think about her DD, aged 5 nearly 6 and I reception missing a day of primary school to spend a special day at home with her Mother who has been busy and wrapped up with her baby who for WHATEVER reason is high maintenance. SN or High Needs is irrelevant and none of our business as OP has not invited opinions on her parenting of her youngest. It is also not your problem if OP is separated from her daughters Father, how capable her current partner's parenting is and how she values extra curricular activities.

There is an invitation to give our opinion, in a considered, adult and way on whether the OP is reasonable to have her daughter miss school for a day to do this. That's it. You think it's perfectly fine, as I do or you think it's a bad idea.

You don't get to sling personal attacks on the woman's parenting or personality. That, my friends, would be behaving like an asshole.

My sincere apologies for typos. On my iPhone, you know how it is..

Oh just do it.

Ignore the naysayers 'the education system will collapse' or 'she'll have no respect for school fail her exams and ruin her life' lobby.

School is important really important. Education is opportunity. Generally rules should be stuck to or WHERE WILL WE ALL BE NEXT?? Goingnto hell in handcart presumably.
All well and good, but just occasionally it's more important to say sod the system, fuck the rat race, bollocksnto getting on, today I don't give a shit about the rules.

And instead say, Im alive, I have a small daughter, time is passing, soon this moment will be gone, today I'm going to seize it and hold it and cherish it, and I promise you you won't regret it.

Im a professional working women whose played the game got all qualifications, is obsessed with my children's education, my children are in no doubt about thenimportence of education and our high expectations...

But I've done this twice. With my eldest. As for various reasons I felt we needed it.
We went hiking all day just the 2 of us instead of working or going to school. It was brilliant, we needed it, I'd never regret it, but I'd have regretted not doing it.

Just don't do it too often,,or the sky will fall in...or something.

Well said Euphemia.

And you theyoni .

I don?t think it would be ?awful? for OP?s DD to miss a single one off, never to be repeated day off school (especially as she is in Reception now)

I do think it would be preferable for OP to consider one of:

• DD skipping after school activity on a day when DP is not working so they can have 1:1 time after school
• Cutting down on after school activities in general just to get more time together (which may not be super dooper quality time, by quantity counts too)
• Doing something ?special? on the holiday they are about to have
• Making the most of the 1:1 time they do have (even if younger DD is about)

If the OP doesn?t change things as above, there?s a very real chance that this one off day will turn out not to be so one off.

I also think there is a real danger that OP has blown up this special day so much that it will end up being disappointing and unsatisfying ? as things often do when you set huge store by them.

She's allowed to read all your posts and then still decide to do her own thing, honestly she really, really is!

Some of these posts are sailing very close to the wind on the bullying front.

no way is anybody bullying on this thread people are disagreeing giving other options and genuinely baffled and concerned that the op feels she needs to do this to make her dd have a special day, this is not bullying

There is also an older ds but apparently he is not a genius, as he has not asked to spend the day one to one with his mother

there is another child I must have missed that why is he not getting a special mummy day,

Well I am certainly happy to change it to "behaving like an asshole".