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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re lodger

103 replies

springymater · 20/05/2013 20:43

Friend of a friend, moved in nearly 3 months ago. In all that time he has bought 4 rolls of toilet paper and used up all my sugar...

Asked him to mow the lawn - he took off for the entire w/e after saying he would - he uses the garden more than me at the mo. I was there when I friend asked him if he was at home mowing the lawn - heard him say 'you must be joking!'

So, what, am I his fucking mother then??

He's pissing me right off. yy I should've made it clear when he arrived but he's lived in his own flat and I didn't think some things needed spelling out.

OP posts:
TenaciousOne · 20/05/2013 20:46

YANBU, is he on time paying his rent? You could start labelling food up, but that's really childish.

notmyproblem · 20/05/2013 20:53

Kick him out.

YourHandInMyHand · 20/05/2013 20:55

How badly do you need him there paying you rent?

I'd be giving him his notice but I'm not very tolerant.

Not sure about him mowing the lawn though - I don't think I'd expect to do that as a lodger, I begrudge mowing my own lawn that I get sole enjoyment of.

FamiliesShareGerms · 20/05/2013 20:59

Sit down, set out the ground rules, otherwise he needs to move out

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 20/05/2013 21:00

He's taking the piss. Tell him to shape up or ship out.

I may be wrong on this but I don't think it's as difficult to get rid of a lodger as it is someone who's renting a whole property from you.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 20/05/2013 21:02

Good point, yourhand. I assumed that things like mowing lawn etc were in lieu of rent, since OP says he's only contributed 4 loo rolls since he moved in!

If he is paying rent, that's a different thing. You can't demand your lodger mows your lawn!

Original poster
springymater · 20/05/2013 21:04

I said I'd do his washing if he did the 'gardening' - which means mowing the lawn (takes about 20 minutes).

He's also helped himself to some of my stuff in the bathroom, though he doesn't know I know (I have lived with foreign students for years and I know when someone has been using my stuff). That pissed me off, seems a boundary problem to me. ie that's my stuff, it's not his.

I am so pissed off I daren't talk to him. He doesn't do any housework. I asked him once to clean the bathroom and toilet and he eventually did it - after I nagged - and did it badly; and didn't clean the toilet. I honestly don't know why he thinks he can live here and have me do all the housework. He washes up his stuff and that seems to work ok. he is on time with his rent.

I don't know, it just seems like he thinks he's doing me a favour. Where do people get off with ideas like that?? Talk me down somebody. I don't want to lose it with him.

OP posts:
Slambang · 20/05/2013 21:06

What was the agreement about household stuff, cleaning, bills etc? Who cleans the loo? Does he buy his own food? Does he take turns with housework?

Tbh if I was a lodger paying an all-in rate I might think household maintenance was not my responsibility.

Communication is the key.

Slambang · 20/05/2013 21:06

x posts

MammaTJ · 20/05/2013 21:06

Goodness me, you could have a partner living with you for less hassle and more benefit. Get rid!!

SquinkiesRule · 20/05/2013 21:09

Up his rent to cover loo roll, toiletries, food and you doing his laundry a few hundred extra a month should do it.
If he has a problem with that he knows where the door is. You aren't expected to cover his living expenses.

Original poster
springymater · 20/05/2013 21:10

re houseshare/lodger. This is where it's going wrong.

If we were a houseshare, when the boiler packed up the other day, we'd both be responsible for [telling the landlord] getting it sorted. But I am the landlord. So it's a grey area.

So if someone is my lodger, it's ok to use my toilet paper and my sugar (sharing makes you pathetic about things like this) like it's a kind of hotel with public rooms and public amenities eg sugar, toilet paper, hoovering communal rooms??

Just need to get this clear in my head.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/05/2013 21:11

Give him notice.

Original poster
springymater · 20/05/2013 21:11

I agree that a partner would bring certain benefits, whereas a lodger brings none.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 20/05/2013 21:14

I once let a friend stay when he was on his uppers. I ended hiding food under my bed!

I could say talk to him, but I couldn't.

Original poster
springymater · 20/05/2013 21:15

I don't want someone in my house riding the wave that is the comfort I set up and I maintain.

I only do his washing because there's only two of us and it doesn't make any sense to use it separately - plus I don't want him putting a full cycle on to do a pair of jeans and a few pairs of socks. It seemed a good deal to do the washing in exchange for him doing the lawn - good deal from his pov I would've thought.

OP posts:
carabos · 20/05/2013 21:16

So you've got the cocklodger without the cock? Hmm That can't be much fun. Kick him to the kerb.

HollyBerryBush · 20/05/2013 21:16

If you are getting money, you must have a room rental agreement. For tax purposes and the like.

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 21:17

I don't want someone in my house riding the wave that is the comfort I set up and I maintain

why the hell have you got a lodger then? Hmm

Slambang · 20/05/2013 21:18

But Springy, that's exactly what a lodger pays for - an equivalent to a hotel. Their room is theirs and no responsibility of yours, but the communal areas of the house are yours and belong to you (along with their cleaning and general sorting.)

A house share/ flatmate on the other hand would expect to share housework etc with the communal areas of the house being more equally 'owned' between you.

I think you both went in to this with different expectations of what the deal was.

SweetSeraphim · 20/05/2013 21:19

So you're going to have to toughen up. I despise confrontation, but I always do it if I have to - this situation needs sorting. You are living an unhappy and uncomfortable life when you don't need to. This bloke is taking the piss out of you, and he knows it.

Original poster
springymater · 20/05/2013 21:23

Yes I think so too Slambang. It's a grey area because I own the house.

It's the 'maintaining' that is the problem with the wave analogy up there^^. It's like having my teenage son back here, taking the fucking piss. However, I realise that we have/had different expectations.

I could raise his rent but bottom line is I don't want someone in the house that I'm looking after, down to doing all the housework. He's not my teenage son, he's not even mine! I'm not interested to be his mummy. He's not exactly a cocklodger because he does pay rent, and on time. But he washes up what he uses, he never cleans surfaces, he never cleans the bathroom or toilet.

Different expectations, as you say.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 20/05/2013 21:24

But is he taking the piss? I was a mon-fri lodger for a while, and there's no way I would have mown the grass! My agreement said that I was responsible got keeping my room in good order, but that was about it. I bought my own food, and tidied up after me, but if I'd run out of sugar I would have had no qualms about using my landlady's.

You get from your lodger - you can't expect chores too.

DressMe · 20/05/2013 21:24

A lodger does not have the same rights as a tenant. They're 'excluded occupiers' and as such you don't need a court order to evict them. You are expected to give them 'reasonable notice' to leave. After that, wait until he goes out then change the locks.

Axe murder - 'reasonable' = 5 minutes.
Doesn't buy loo roll - 'reasonable' = 1 week.

Kick him out.

Original poster
springymater · 20/05/2013 21:27

I should say, 'He's not exactly a cocklodger without the cock (oh dear me) because he does pay rent...'

I don't think he does think he's taking the piss tbh. Though one thing I think is that you know someone by the small things. Nicking my bathroom stuff and thinking I don't know - now that is pretty eww in my book. I don't like that.

He also wants towels and bedding. Like a fucking hotel. I don't run a hotel and, if I did, I'd charge significantly more - like £30-£40pn.

OP posts: