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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re lodger

103 replies

springymater · 20/05/2013 20:43

Friend of a friend, moved in nearly 3 months ago. In all that time he has bought 4 rolls of toilet paper and used up all my sugar...

Asked him to mow the lawn - he took off for the entire w/e after saying he would - he uses the garden more than me at the mo. I was there when I friend asked him if he was at home mowing the lawn - heard him say 'you must be joking!'

So, what, am I his fucking mother then??

He's pissing me right off. yy I should've made it clear when he arrived but he's lived in his own flat and I didn't think some things needed spelling out.

OP posts:

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 22:16

It's not the cost of the sugar/toilet roll, it's the expectation that I provide it (like his mother). I use hardly any sugar but if a guest came to stay who wanted sugar in their tea I'd be pissed off to find it had all gone - and not been replaced.

The whole issue of rent is that you pay for a roof over your head. What you pay is not cost, or people who rent whole properties would only pay for their amenities.

I'm trying to see this from both sides. I'm trying to see it from his side - he is clearly equally pissed off that I've asked him to mow the lawn. But I can't get my head around that someone would expect to live in someone's house and not contribute something somewhere along the line = back to lodger/houseshare.

OP posts:

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 22:20

No I realise that springy, and it was inconsiderate of him to use the sugar, but it's just something that happens when you share your space with other people, isn't it? Loo roll I think he wasn't all that inconsiderate to be honest - I never bought loo rolls as a lodger.

What you pay is not cost, or people who rent whole properties would only pay for their amenities.

You're right, but lodgers and house shares ARE different (house shares less so) because a lodger pays for the room not the house.

MammaTJ · 20/05/2013 22:31

Are you in Plymouth?

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 22:33

Can I call it a houseshare if I own the house as well as live there, is the bottom line.

I did all the running around when I had kids. I don't want to do it now - I've done my time.

OP posts:

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 22:35

Sorry Mamma (but heartened that you'd consider living with me I'm feeling like a right old bag here)

OP posts:

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 22:37

But springy - you would have to do all the running around without a lodger, yes?

If your lodger is creating considerably extra work for you, get rid, but consider you may not be the best person to let a room out (no judgement there, I could not do it) - if however he or she is basically reliable, pays the rent, doesn't leave a tip, smile sweetly and carry on.

But it IS unfair to charge someone to do your cleaning and gardening for you!

Nanny0gg · 20/05/2013 22:38

I think that you charge sufficient rent to cover household essentials. And I think the lodger should clear up after himself - so I would expect some cleaning in the bathroom/kitchen but probably not as thorough as I would do. Pick up stuff from any other shared rooms and keep their bedroom in good order.

You need to have another chat about the lawnmowing as you are still doing his washing.

mummytowillow · 20/05/2013 22:38

when i lodged we had a tin and put £5 a month in for loo roll etc, were talking years ago so more would be needed now

Tell him you want £10 a month for sundries?

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 22:39

Lodgers use the communal areas. This is the first time I have ever seen people suggest that they shouldn't do their bit with cleaning the communal areas. I'm quite taken aback.

Loads and loads of young people who have managed somehow to buy a property need to rent their 2nd bedroom out. It's not like some old woman who owns 'lodgings' and rents 6 rooms out. It's far more similar to a houseshare than a B&B.

ivykaty44 · 20/05/2013 22:39

no it is not a house share as you own the house, to be a house share you must all be neutral and no one own the house.

What you can do though is learn form this and next lodger you get you lay down your ten commandments when they come round to check the place out.

MammaTJ · 20/05/2013 22:39

Damn it, we would have got along well

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 22:41

That said cleaning supplies, toilet roll and that I bought. When they moved in I would say I buy them as a general rule but if you know it's run out go get some, don't just assume I'm bound to remember or hold off going to the toilet because your mum substitute won't be home until 7.

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 22:43

put his rent up a bit and get a cleaner. easiest all round.

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 22:47

He's 30 btw. Not a babby.

OP posts:

mistlethrush · 20/05/2013 22:47

I think that you are being unfair on the OP. She set out clear requirements (she says) at the outset - that included doing some gardening and housework - and this resulted in the rent being set at the level it was. If he isn't prepared to do his part, he needs to pay more so that the op can either get some help in to do it, or at least pay her for her additional effort and expense.

EatenByZombies · 20/05/2013 23:42

YANBU.
Sit him down and tell him that if the gardening is not done as previously agreed on, he will be expected to do his own washing and he'll pay more per month to cover your time spent doing the gardening oh and stop nicking your bathroom stuff. Or that he'll be kicked out. Whatever takes your fancy!

To those saying OP is unreasonable, she said that the lodger is using the garden a lot. Therefore he should be taking care of it too. Lodger is not = hotel guest.

Original poster

springymater · 21/05/2013 01:43

Boarding house! That's it, I'm not a boarding house. That's the phrase I was looking for.

I'm not offering a boarding house. I'm not 'some old woman' ( ) letting out rooms for peanuts and doing all the work of the house like a mummy. I'm not a mummy, I don't want to be a mummy. I expect people to pull their weight. I do 99% of the work, let him do his 1% without me having to nag (ffs! I don't want to nag! It's dull!)

[not only am I not some old woman not running a boarding house, I use phrases from back in the MN day]

OP posts:

StanleyLambchop · 21/05/2013 21:33

But I can't get my head around that someone would expect to live in someone's house and not contribute something somewhere along the line.

But he is contributing something, he is contributing rent. You agreed that you like having the extra money, so that is what is in it for you. I don't think having someone to do chores is part of the package, sorry.

You have a vested interest in your house because it will be your house still after the lodger has gone. He sees it as a temporary base and so does not want to put any effort into doing anything in a house he will be leaving at some point.

Original poster

springymater · 21/05/2013 21:39

I'm not asking him to do the decorating ffs!

Absurd argument If he is contributing rent, then I am contributing my home. We're both contributing something - and my 'contribution' is infinitely more. He is paying for a roof over his head. That doesn't include me wiping his bottom.

OP posts:

StanleyLambchop · 21/05/2013 21:41

On the other hand he is paying for a roof over his head. That does not include mowing the lawn. Works both ways.

Original poster

springymater · 21/05/2013 21:47

It does if he's using it. As well as using the bathroom and not cleaning it. As well as using the toilet paper and it not occuring to him to buy some himself. Use it, clean/look after/restock it.

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Relaxedandhappyperson · 21/05/2013 21:49

Springy - I just think you're not suited to having a lodger. Sorry. What you want and what a lodger would expect are poles apart.

Sorry.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 21/05/2013 21:49

My aunt has had lodgers for over 50 years and experienced everything that can go wrong. Her number one rule? They keep it tidy. I keep it clean. Everything else falls into place. She occasionally exchanged meals for little jobs around the home (changing bulbs, plugs, hanging curtains back up etc etc). If they wanted the bedding changed weekly and all their washing done it was an extra £15 a week otherwise they looked after their rooms and tidied after themselves in communal areas.

StanleyLambchop · 21/05/2013 21:53

He probably thinks toilet paper is included in the rent. Did you actually tell him what you wanted of him beforehand? If not then you can hardly expect him to mind read. If I was in his position I would have expected you to mention stuff like that at the beginning.

Original poster

springymater · 21/05/2013 22:00

He probably thinks toilet paper is included in the rent

oh dear, I've had lodgers, of one description or another, for 10 years. Fine time to find out I'm not suited to it

YOu gotta laff.

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