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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re lodger

103 replies

springymater · 20/05/2013 20:43

Friend of a friend, moved in nearly 3 months ago. In all that time he has bought 4 rolls of toilet paper and used up all my sugar...

Asked him to mow the lawn - he took off for the entire w/e after saying he would - he uses the garden more than me at the mo. I was there when I friend asked him if he was at home mowing the lawn - heard him say 'you must be joking!'

So, what, am I his fucking mother then??

He's pissing me right off. yy I should've made it clear when he arrived but he's lived in his own flat and I didn't think some things needed spelling out.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 20/05/2013 21:28

No, not different expectations. It is your house and you set the rules. He doesn't comply, he's out. He's a complete and total fuckwit.

Kick him out and get another lodger.

smearedinfood · 20/05/2013 21:29

We had a lodger for 7 months, when he moved out I threw out the sheets as he'd never washed them and the had icky white stains on them.

You need to talk and find some middle ground or find another lodger.

mistlethrush · 20/05/2013 21:30

I've had lodgers in the distant past. It was very clearly set out that cleaning was shared, everyone was responsible for their own washing up and washing. I was responsible for the garden. I bought the loo roll - but all other toiletries were not shared.

I would ask to speak - say its clearly not working out as you clearly don't want to do the garden and have no intention of doing it, and are never buying loo roll, and are stealing (yes, stealing) my toiletries. I would then suggest that either a) he starts pulling his weight and doing his side of the bargain or b) put his rent up to cover loo roll and washing, accept he's not going to do the garden, and say that you will expect him to replace any other toiletries of yours that he might use.

Relaxedandhappyperson · 20/05/2013 21:31

I was a lodger years ago and I certainly didn't buy loo roll or do the housework. You pay for the room and stuff like that is the householder's responsibility. Covered by the rent, frankly.

Maybe you should charge more. Or reconsider having a lodger.

RandomMess · 20/05/2013 21:34

Put up his rent to cover getting in a gardner and weekly cleaner

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 21:36

Need (and like) the money. I gave him a good rate on the rent - low.

I need to re-think all this. He's not bad by a long chalk. I've had some horrors, I can tell you

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 21:36

you have to make it clear before people move in what their and your responsibilities are and what your ground rules are.

I always do.

Never makes a fucking jot of difference, like. They still never do housework. I don't expect them to do as thorough a clean as I would but I still expect them to take their turn.

The boiler is your responsibility unless it broke because he beat it up with a baseball bat or summat.

There is a different dynamic with landlord/lodger than two renters and as landlord you should try to be cognisant of that. It's not easy living in someone else's house. We have to remember that it's their home as well as ours.

hermioneweasley · 20/05/2013 21:39

Erm, he thnks this is acceptable because you are letting him get away with it. Either set new expectations with a trial period or give him a week's notice now.

LEMisdisappointed · 20/05/2013 21:39

Leave the bastard!

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 21:42

Relaxed; same. To be honest I think he's doing YOU a favour re the washing - cutting down on electricity bills and I really wouldn't want someone else going through my dirty underwear!

I never bought loo rolls, I didn't clean the kitchen, I definitely didn't mow the lawn. I DID walk the family dog sometimes but I offered and they gratefully accepted - it wasn't a given.

You pay for a cleaner. Someone doesn't pay to clean your house!

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 21:43

Of course the boiler was my responsibility. Howeve,r I don't want everything to be my responsibility. It's boring. He's an adult, not a kid. I'd like a bit of goodwill floating around or I feel like the maid. am i BU? Just trying to work this out.

I need to sort this out (in my head) because it is a different arrangement to eg foreign students who I've had for an age; and that gets complicated at times, too. eg I expect my foreign students to wash/dry up - because the whole experience of living with a family is 'living as one of the family' and my family do the washing/drying up - and a lot of foreign students don't like that!

OP posts:

digerd · 20/05/2013 21:45

I was in a b&b for a few weeks, and I certainly didn't do any housework/ gardening Can't remember how much I payed, but it wasn't cheap/expensive.
Not sure what a lodger is by definition.

If you are dissatisfied with him, remind him of your terms and if he still shirks, get rid of him.

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 21:47

The bottom line is that I don't want to feel like the maid and get very antsy if I'm made to feel like the maid ie expected to do all the dreary stuff. So it's a houseshare I want - but it's my house, so how do you get around that??

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 21:47

Oh, yeah, I meant to say. Get a cleaner. If I rent out again for more than a month or two I'm getting one. I'll charge a bit more rent. It's got to be worth it.

You said the boiler was a grey area. It's not.

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 21:47

Sorry springy, but I do think you are being unreasonable here.

Shared house - everyone pays roughly equal amounts of rent, everyone uses shared facilities, everyone pitches in. In theory

Lodger - you own the house, s/he rents a room. I've rented a room on a couple of occasions - most recently when I was working away from home for a month. I'd have been like that if I'd been told to mow the lawn in return for someone doing my washing for me!

As someone has said, living in someone else's home is incredibly difficult at the best of times. Be firm by all means if he's behaving in a way that's downright inconsiderate - but to be honest it sounds like what you want is an equal hand in the running of the home and that IS unfair; why, because it isn't his home, it is yours.

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 21:48

Renting out a spare room is not the same as running a B&B!

HSMMaCM · 20/05/2013 21:50

I had lodgers for a while and they never did anything except pay rent and trash their rooms.

RandomMess · 20/05/2013 21:51

Perhaps you need to explain clearly that you gave him a low rate because it is a houseshare and then he needs to contribute to houswork by doing x y z. If he doesn't want to do those things then the rent will be going up to lodger rate of £a instead of £b

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 21:52

It isn't the same but there are similarities. You're staying in someone else's home and paying for the privilege. The main difference is that lodgers don't pay for meals - usually - and tend to be longer-term. B & B's tend to be for a holiday or mini-break.

Obviously it's up to the individual what terms they agree on but I have to say that anyone who made a fuss about not being a maid and expected some of the stuff the OP notes would be someone I'd avoid like the plague when looking for a room to let

As for feeling like you have a teenage DC - well lodgers usually ARE younger! No one rents a room, usually, because they want the company - it's a decision made re finances.

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 21:57

It was and is my responsibility to get the boiler fixed and I said as much upthread (twice). I meant grey area re lodger/houseshare. In a houseshare, it would be equal responsibility to contact the owner to get the boiler fixed.

anywa, let's not strain at gnats. I live here so I of course sorted out the boiler and of course I didn't even discuss it with him; except to say the hot water wouldn't be working for a few days while the boiler was sorted - and apologising for that. By rights he could've said he wasn't going to pay his rent for those days but he didn't. Technically he would've been 'right' but, as I said, a bit of goodwill is what's required if you're sharing a house.

We agreed the washing/lawn mowing at the start btw. He's always mysteriously too tired when it comes to the lawn mowing; though he is much cleaner than he's ever been, apparently (due to my washing his clothes).

Maybe I don't want a 'lodger' ie someone who uses one room and has no input in the rest of the house. Nothing wrong with it, just not what I want. The house is free for him to use btw, he just doesn't use it.

He's not a bad bloke at all. I'm beginnning to see his side of it, which is what I was looking for.

OP posts:

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 22:02

That's good then!

I think if you're going to insist he has input in the rest of the house though you may need to rethink the rent he pays, but all the same, you can't make anyone take care and maintenance of the property - it's your house and it has to be managed the way you want it, which means you either do it yourself or pay someone to do it for you.

Having someone pay rent to live there and also contribute to the daily upkeep certainly isn't what I have experienced in the past.

ivykaty44 · 20/05/2013 22:02

I wouldn't expect a lodger to be cleaning communal areas, I would expect a lodger to clean there own bedroom.

if you don't want a lodger using the washing machine for just a few things then let them know they can only use the machine once a week, as you want them to do a full wash.

If you don't want to clean up after them - get a cleaner and include there share in the rent.

if you don't want to mow the lawn then get a gardener, regardless of who uses the garden more it is your garden and your responsibility not the lodgers.

if you are not happy with the lodger then give them notice and get another lodger.

Why do you have a lodger?

Original poster

springymater · 20/05/2013 22:03

but I have to say that anyone who made a fuss about not being a maid and expected some of the stuff the OP notes would be someone I'd avoid like the plague when looking for a room to let

really? am I being tiresome/wrong/awful?

OP posts:

oldendaysending · 20/05/2013 22:08

Umm ...no, not based on this thread, I am sure you are lovely

But, and it's a big but, you have a lodger presumably for the extra money they generate and this money pays for their room and the use of the communal areas. And while they should be considerate and keep them clean, maintenance and upkeep isn't their responsibility and I would find it VERY tiresome to be 'expected' to do this, that and the other.

I mean ... three months and bought four loo rolls and used some sugar? How much is sugar and toilet roll? How much in turn has the lodger paid you to live in your house?

So honestly OP, I would be very unhappy in your lodger's position and I would be looking to move out - I am sorry.

MrsSchadenfreude · 20/05/2013 22:16

We used to have lodgers when I was a child. My mother used to call them "paying guests." They paid their rent and used the room - that was it for some of them. Another one paid extra for "bed, breakfast and evening meal". They did their own washing in the laundrette.

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