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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the teacher shouldn't have called DN a bloody stupid twat?

257 replies

wetspringday · 18/05/2013 22:31

DN was working on a compter yesterday and leaned back in his chair (shouldn't have done this) but he knocked over a cup of coffee that went over coursework. The teacher yelled at DN and called him a bloody stupid twat.

DN wasn't bothered and seemed to find it quite funny but I think I'd probably have to say something to the teacher concerned along the lines of it not being acceptable. DN is in Year 10 by the way (15.)

AIBU?

OP posts:
xylem8 · 21/05/2013 19:50

15 year olds are actually not allowed to work in kitchens

Picturepuncture · 21/05/2013 20:43

Goodness you are right, they never drink hot drinks themselves either. They mustn't be within 10foot of hot chocolate for fear of burning their teeth.

Smudging · 21/05/2013 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatenByZombies · 21/05/2013 21:07

By parts of down south I assume you mean council estates where everyone is unedumacated and are all our setting cars on fire each night? Confused Because I've lived in different parts of the UK, too but I've never heard anyone call another person a twat jokingly, unless close friends. Everywhere I've lived it's been considered on par with cunt, the only difference I've noticed is that when I lived up north more people said twat than cunt Hmm

It might be because I'm a northerner, but I find it very strange that anyone would use that word instead of idiot in civilised situations.

EatenByZombies · 21/05/2013 21:08

For example, I went to secondary school in Berkshire, and no one gor suspended for calling the teacher an idiot/twit but they would have if they'd used the word twat.

Smudging · 21/05/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatenByZombies · 22/05/2013 02:09

Ah!
I think the Northern way is the way to go. You'd never see the word twat uttered on tv before watershed, though you would see twit/idiot etc. I think this is a good standard to start from.

cory · 22/05/2013 07:28

xylem8 Tue 21-May-13 19:50:18
"15 year olds are actually not allowed to work in kitchens"

No, but in any workplace the other employees are likely to have coffee around: I am sure they do so in all the places where dd's friends work.

Certainly this was the case when they did their work experience; I know dd's work experience place well; they drink coffee and tea there. (And swing pick axes.)

We are not discussing whether they should be allowed to work in the admittedly very dangerous setting that is a professional kitchen, but whether they should be protected to the extent of not being in the same room as somebody else's cup of coffee.

At school they cook and do chemical experiments- how could they manage food technology if they are not allowed to be in the same room as a hot liquid?

As a parent surely it is your duty to prepare your 15yo against the not at all distant day when they will be working in any workplace? If they can't be in the same room as a cup of coffee at 15, how are they going to handle independent life (and possibly a factory job) at 18?

I expect my teen to take responsibility for part of the family cooking: to not get her involved in this would seem like parental negligence, seeing that she is going to have to cater for herself within the next few years.

KellyElly · 22/05/2013 09:23

If you called a client or colleague a twat in the workplace it wouldn't be acceptable. As the classroom if the teacher's workplace then it's clearly not acceptable. A twat is not on a par with cunt granted, but it's the same as calling someone a dick head, which is still pretty unprofessional. I doubt the teacher in question would speak to a parent like that so why is it ok for them to speak to a child like that?

GoblinGranny · 22/05/2013 09:27

Exactly cory. When my DS was on work experience, one of his jobs was to make tea and coffee whenever it was requested.

Picturepuncture · 22/05/2013 09:30

Sorry Kelly, did anyone say it was acceptable?

TwistTee · 22/05/2013 09:31

Sounds like the teacher just lost his rag. I can't really see that anyone was at fault. 15 year olds rock on chairs, it's what they do, and sometimes teachers lose their rag. Both parties probably regret their actions and will be a little more careful in future.

TwistTee · 22/05/2013 09:33

Can't really see the issue with the coffee either. Don't 15 year olds drink hot drinks. Sounds like health and safety gone to far to suggest the teacher can't drink a cup in his classroom.

KellyElly · 22/05/2013 10:07

Picturepuncture Yes they did. Sorry are you assuming for some strange reason that my comment was aimed at you?

ConferencePear · 22/05/2013 10:26

As a teacher I don't think it is right for teachers to take drinks into class. The kids can't do it why should we ?
Secondly I would be horrified if a colleague spoke to a pupil in this way. How can we expect kids to speak properly to us if we don't speak properly to them ?
Whatever happened to trying to set an example ?

Picturepuncture · 22/05/2013 11:06

I'm not assuming it was aimed at me.

I'm frustrated at people not seeing the subtlety between 'yes, shouldn't have said it, but no real harm done, no need to complain' and 'yeh, that's fine, we sayz that sort of shit allz da time'

Picturepuncture · 22/05/2013 11:09

As a teacher I don't think it is right for teachers to take drinks into class. The kids can't do it why should we

By that logic, I assume you also wear school uniform and get your homework diary signed every week?

Whatever happened to trying to set an example?

The key word there is trying obviously on this one occasion the teacher slipped up. The very fact that the DN in question was sniggering about it proves that it isn't a routine occurrence. The teacher slipped up, once. Like, well, a human might.

GoblinGranny · 22/05/2013 11:26

You limit your life in the classroom and school to within the limits permitted for the children, Pear?
How odd.

KellyElly · 22/05/2013 11:27

I'm frustrated at people not seeing the subtlety between 'yes, shouldn't have said it, but no real harm done, no need to complain' and 'yeh, that's fine, we sayz that sort of shit allz da time'

The sort of comments I was responding to don't really convey the subtlety you are referring to. See below -

At 15 I cant see a problem with it... although is he sure that the teacher said twat and not twit..

This is not an issue. It just isn't.

Oh for fucking, cunting, twats sake lighten up. Teachers are believe it or not human, the world isn't going to end if they respond in a perfectly normal way to something that is going to cause them stress, especially at this time of year.

Picturepuncture · 22/05/2013 11:31

The second two comments are referring to whether or not the OP needs to complain to the school not whether or not the teacher should have said it in the first place.

The last one points out that 'the world is not going to end', it doesn't advocate using the word twat in every lesson.

And the first you've quoted casts doubts on whether or not the incident happened as the teenager recalled.

KellyElly · 22/05/2013 11:49

Picturepuncture Thank you for your analysis of other posters comments.

In answer to your points - comment one actually starts with At 15 I cant see a problem with it, hence the fact the poster is saying at 15 being called a twat shouldn't be a problem.

Comment 2 - I applaud your psychic skills that enable to you know that the poster stating 'this is not an issue' is not actually saying that calling a 15 year old a twat isn't an issue and is actually referring to whether the poster should complain to the school.

The last one points out that 'the world is not going to end', it doesn't advocate using the word twat in every lesson. You are reaching here, really reaching.

You seem to have jumped on my post and feel the need to prove your point - quite frankly I have no idea what that point is. Are you someone that needs to be right? Is this issue close to home? Are you just an argumentative person? Delete as appropriate.

Picturepuncture · 22/05/2013 11:58

OdFod.

I've been having this circular discussion for days (well I have been also, you know, living my life). I was pointing out to you that you weren't adding anything new to the discussion. My insight into the other posts comes from reading them as they occurred as part of the ongoing discussion. which was interesting when it started

cory · 22/05/2013 12:28

KellyElly Wed 22-May-13 09:23:25
"If you called a client or colleague a twat in the workplace it wouldn't be acceptable. As the classroom if the teacher's workplace then it's clearly not acceptable. A twat is not on a par with cunt granted, but it's the same as calling someone a dick head, which is still pretty unprofessional. I doubt the teacher in question would speak to a parent like that so why is it ok for them to speak to a child like that?"

Most of us are not saying it is ok. We are saying Mummy shouldn't deal with it.

I would be livid if my boss called me a twat. But I would not expect dh to go in to sort her out.

And equally my dc would be horrified if I stormed in to school to deal with something that they see as part of their remit.

Of course, they are not adults yet; there are some areas where I would still intervene when I wouldn't for a grown-up. Prolonged bullying, for instance, or depression. But these areas are getting fewer every year. Mostly I say to them: "well, what do you think you need to do to sort this out?".

Parenting teens is about learning to gradually withdraw control over their lives.

C999875 · 22/05/2013 13:41

Cory. I hate to differ with you here, but my child is a teenager and please believe me if anyone refered to here as a "twat" then I'd be dealing with it! Not even I use bad language to here so I would no way in hell let anyone else do it. Although I do agree with letting them sort things out to a certain degree, Parents wont be there forever, but the use of offensive language by a teacher to me is crossing the line.
I get the impression that a lot of people seem to think parents should see their children/neices/nephews as precious when they reach their teens, but all children are precious to their familes regardless of their ages.
Let's be honest if this lady's D.N was 5 you'd all be up in arms and saying "Go in sort it out, How dare she talk like that to a young child", and yes rightly so. Yet because he's 15 some people seem to think they should just get over it. Also is there any wonder why some teenagers do not know how to use acceptable language when professional adults cannot control their language. Or, is it another case of do as I do not as I say. xxx

cory · 22/05/2013 13:50

My children are enormously precious to me. If they were struggling or suffering or unable to cope I would be right there for them. What they don't need is for me to intervene when they are already coping.

This 15yo was not struggling or upset: he was amused at the teacher's faux pas.

He was not upset so he doesn't need help with that aspect.

He was amused which shows he recognises the incongruity of it- in other words, he doesn't need help to understand that swearing in a professional setting is wrong; he already does.

I don't see what he needs help with.

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