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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potty Training on the go - WIBU?

88 replies

Needavacation · 17/05/2013 20:04

I am pretty sure I was being unreasonable in this situation but I had little choice and just cannot think of how I could have handled it differently. So AIBU and advice also please!

DS is 2 and a half. Has been potty trained for a month but we still have accidents every couple of days, and its usually because I have a 3 second window in which to get him on the potty/to a toilet but mostly he goes at set times so we are ok. Anyway, we were eating in a supermarket cafe today (essential shopping journey and lunch whilst there). I took him to the loo before we sat down and he wouldn't go. He ate his lunch and then he says Quick Mum! WEE!

So I (and here I become unreasonable) thinking Crap! I will NEVER make it to the toilet in time and we will leave a trail all the way through the cafe and the store, put him under the table on the potty (which I was carrying in the buggy in case he decides the loo is too disgusting). I put our coats round so no one could see. I was honestly thinking that it being in the potty is better that it being on the floor, which it definitely would have been. Anyway I was severely told off by the cafe manager whilst DS was mid-wee, which is understandable but I still really think it was better in the potty than all over the floor. I know its a cafe and a kid on a potty is nasty but what could I have done? I sat nearest the loo's but they were just never going to be a 3 second dash away, I tried to pre-empt it, it wasn't at a usual wee time Sad, I've taken him out almost every day since the first few days and we have only had 3 or 4 accidents and they were all in the car seat. I feel SO embarrassed but I cant see what else there was to do? I just took the telling off because she was right, it was disgusting.

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 17/05/2013 20:06

Oh you didn't did you?

Original poster
Needavacation · 17/05/2013 20:07

Its shameful isnt it Sad

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 17/05/2013 20:07

If he's having accidents every two days he is not potty trained

Chocoflump · 17/05/2013 20:07

That would have actually turned my stomach if I was sitting near you Hmm

CloudsAndTrees · 17/05/2013 20:07

If you only have a three second warning before wee comes, and wee has to be done at regular times, then you are probably not at the stage where you can go out for lunch without pull ups.

Original poster
Needavacation · 17/05/2013 20:09

The accidents are always where I am just not quick enough though. He says quick Mum! And I am just not there quick enough. He was pulling his own pants down to go.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 17/05/2013 20:09

If he's having accidents every two days he is not potty trained

I agree, and if he can't wait for a few minutes to get to a toilet then he isn't ready either.

ParadiseChick · 17/05/2013 20:09

That's bull shit, no one needs pull ups, just take them to the loo before you do something!

Being able to hold on and learning its not ok to piss under a table is all part of potty training!

ENSMUM · 17/05/2013 20:09

That stage of potty training is really tricky. Life can't completely go on hold until DC 100% accident free. I agree using potty there was probably the best thing to do in your situation. However, people will think its disgusting and unless they are or have recently potty trained a child probably won't understand

VinegarDrinker · 17/05/2013 20:10

This is why I am delaying potty training for as long as possible. Someone, probably on here, said wisely if they can only give you 3 seconds' warning, they are not potty trained.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 17/05/2013 20:14

my little one is 2yrs 8mths n been potty trained for 1mth first wk lots accidents second wk needed toilet timing with one accident day 3rd wk taking own self off to potty n when out says need a wee n 5wks on certainly holds for long time dry at night n doesn't wee til been up 20mins.

think u chose to do what's right at the time but maybe he isn't quite ready n either needs putting on potty every hr n only have short trips out.

idiuntno57 · 17/05/2013 20:14

I have happy memories of DH putting DS on a potty during mass.

nuns too gobsmacked to say anything.

rainbowbrite1980 · 17/05/2013 20:15

Sounds like you already know that getting out the potty in a cafe isn't on. It does sound like your child may not be ready for potty training - if he can't hold it in to get to a toilet, and has an accident every other day. 2 1/2 is still young for it, especially for boys. However, I can see the dilemma that he's used to wearing big boys pants and putting him back in nappies might not be what you want to do.

I definiteloy don't think you should ahve to stay in whilst potty training. Going out and about fine. I'd just take lots of changes of clothes. Have you seen the training pants that hold just a little bit of wee, so it doesn't end up all over the floor but they still feel wet?

My son was over 3 when he toilet trained. My daughter less than 2. They were just ready at such different ages. But I tried earlier with my son, as I felt he was getting too old - then with my daughter I decided to be much more relaxed about it, and if I needed to put a nappy on her to go out then I would (I was worried with my first that it would confuse him) - in the end I never had to. But I'll definitely go with the relaxed approach when my third is old enough for toilet training.

rainbowbrite1980 · 17/05/2013 20:17

"That's bull shit, no one needs pull ups, just take them to the loo before you do something!"

Have to completely disagree. This isn;t recommended - it teaches children to "go just in case", which actually reduces bladder capacity and the warning they get.

DeskPlanner · 17/05/2013 20:22

He isn't toilet trained, as the other posters have said. You where being really unfair on everyone else in the cafe and the cafe workers. Keep him at home for a few days while he gets used to it. Using a potty where people are eating is horrible.

Original poster
Needavacation · 17/05/2013 20:22

This is my first accident in a 'proper' place so I think I just got flustered. I have taken him out for meals and playgroups as usual and its been fine because he has gone when I first get there and take him in with me to the loo. All other outdoor accidents are in his car seat and at home its because I am slow or hes in to playing or what not. This time he just wouldnt go when we first got there. I suppose I should have realised then that lunch was no go!

OP posts:
ParadiseChick · 17/05/2013 20:23

Yeah. As opposed to the 'just piss in your pants this time, we'll not make it' lesson.

Astley · 17/05/2013 20:27

Ummm 3 seconds warning and accidents every couple of days... There is no way this is 'potty trained'.

I don't understand the obsession with announcing your child is potty trained when they clearly aren't.

janey68 · 17/05/2013 20:27

Agree with the general concensus. A child who can only give a 3 second warning and who is having accidents every couple of days is not potty trained. Not nice for other customers.

FarBetterNow · 17/05/2013 20:29

idiunt: that is funny!

It's a bit of child's wee, in a potty, not in any one's dinner or on the table. It not a dog turd ffs.

Good for you for actually doing potty training at a reasonable age.
I think that disposable nappies are a very mixed blessing as they are so comfortable.
I cannot imagine many three and four year olds wanting to still be wearing wet, cold cloth nappies dangling round their knees.
Don't forget delaying potty training increases profits for nappy manufacturers.

howah · 17/05/2013 20:31

I think he does sound potty trained enough to go out. As you say, he only has accidents usually in the car and you can not stay indoors forever. I think in future if he does not go when you first arrive then you should assume that you just can not hang around for long.

Delatron · 17/05/2013 20:32

I'm potty training at the moment and it is a nightmare so you have my sympathies!

I think the problem here is the 'getting the potty out in a food establishment', it draws attention to the whole thing and will put people off their food. It would probably have been better to just let him wet his trousers! When my DS has an accident quite often his trousers are wet but that seems to absorb most of the wee. Anyway, it was a stressful situation and i understand why you were flustered!f Agree with others who say he may not be ready yet?

littlemissgrinch · 17/05/2013 20:37

FGS its a little bit of toddler piss. I'd rather it was in his potty than on the floor for some old dear to slip over in.

idiuntno57 · 17/05/2013 20:41

I think that so far (eldest now 8) potty training is by far the most stressful part of parenting.

My advice would be chalk it down to experience and accept a bit more wet clothing in situations where the potty is inappropriate.

This too will pass.

VinegarDrinker · 17/05/2013 20:42

Delaying potty training only increases nappy companies' profits if you buy disposables.