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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potty Training on the go - WIBU?

88 replies

Needavacation · 17/05/2013 20:04

I am pretty sure I was being unreasonable in this situation but I had little choice and just cannot think of how I could have handled it differently. So AIBU and advice also please!

DS is 2 and a half. Has been potty trained for a month but we still have accidents every couple of days, and its usually because I have a 3 second window in which to get him on the potty/to a toilet but mostly he goes at set times so we are ok. Anyway, we were eating in a supermarket cafe today (essential shopping journey and lunch whilst there). I took him to the loo before we sat down and he wouldn't go. He ate his lunch and then he says Quick Mum! WEE!

So I (and here I become unreasonable) thinking Crap! I will NEVER make it to the toilet in time and we will leave a trail all the way through the cafe and the store, put him under the table on the potty (which I was carrying in the buggy in case he decides the loo is too disgusting). I put our coats round so no one could see. I was honestly thinking that it being in the potty is better that it being on the floor, which it definitely would have been. Anyway I was severely told off by the cafe manager whilst DS was mid-wee, which is understandable but I still really think it was better in the potty than all over the floor. I know its a cafe and a kid on a potty is nasty but what could I have done? I sat nearest the loo's but they were just never going to be a 3 second dash away, I tried to pre-empt it, it wasn't at a usual wee time , I've taken him out almost every day since the first few days and we have only had 3 or 4 accidents and they were all in the car seat. I feel SO embarrassed but I cant see what else there was to do? I just took the telling off because she was right, it was disgusting.

OP posts:

SJisontheway · 17/05/2013 21:20

Ignore naysayers op. He's doing well and will get better quickly. I'm sure the 3 seconds is an exaggeration. I'm really not one for rushing potty training but he sounds like he's nearly there.

Original poster

Needavacation · 17/05/2013 21:22

He is dry for about 5 out of 7 days. The days he is not, we only have one small wee-ing incident. I probably didn't mean 3 ACTUAL seconds. I was flippant when I said 3 seconds. I just meant that I have a short while which feels like 3 seconds because I am slow...

I'm not going back to nappies.

OP posts:

KitchenandJumble · 17/05/2013 21:22

I sympathize with the urgency and momentary panic. But yes, YWBU. Yuck. Probably best to avoid cafes until he is more reliable. I imagine you'll be avoiding this particular cafe forever from now on! :)

howah · 17/05/2013 21:26

He's not doing badly at all and he does sound ready. Don't go back to nappies OP.

pizzaqueen · 17/05/2013 21:33

Not ok in place serving food! YABU. Public park or something maybe excusable, not a cafe.

My DS is 2.5 he is not potty trained but if he is naked he can hold it long enough to go upstairs, get his little step and toilet seat and put it on the toilet (longer than 3 secs!). It doesn't sound like your DS is fully trained to me, he should be able to hold it longer and not having accidents. Then he's trained.

pigletmania · 17/05/2013 21:37

My goidness give te boy a break, no he is not fully trained yet but training. That is wat happens, the control will possibly come in the next few weeks, e sounds like he is doing well. Either avoid going out too much for te next few weeks, or if you have to, stck him in pull ups when you go out.

lukeiamyourmother · 17/05/2013 21:43

My friends DS is 5 and still has accidents when hes engrossed in something. Is he bloody trained, Mumsnet jury?

Forgetting the trained vs completely incontinent argument because obviously there is no in-between, I would say you just can't have lunch out for a while yet.

TattyDevine · 17/05/2013 21:44

I think you can overpanic accidents. This is not good for you or the child.

If you consider that changing clothes is no worse really than changing a nappy (much) - strip off bottom half, put on new half. Lots of it gets absorbed into the clothes. Doubt there would be a trail of wee for a boy toddler - very wet crotch but not puddles of wee everywhere.

Thing is, the odd accident in the early days if you are doing it on the near side of 2 and a half is normal enough and in fact clarifies things. Pull ups are no help I don't think. Let em wet themselves and learn from it. Don't make a big deal of it, but don't pandy to any I don't want to go feelings or whip out a potty either. Just put them in pants and go with it. Obviously if they are wetting here there and everywhere it is possible they are not ready, but don't try and pre-empt too much. I can go 2-3 hours maybe more without a wee - so can they. If they can't, its possible they are not ready, or its possible you just need to stop putting them on the potty lots and wait for them to learn to hold it in, even if they are learning by having the odd accident.

Anyway I'm no expert, only 2 kids though both potty trained by 2 years 3 months, boy and girl, no pull ups but at night in the first few weeks, boy dry at night by 2 years 6 months and girl by 2 years 4 months. After the first 3 weeks I could count on my hand the amount of accidents. This is highly likely to be them not me though, but I never put them in pull ups, didn't lift at night, tried not to do "just in case" wees, and didn't make a big deal if there was an accident. Like I say may not be me but them.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 17/05/2013 21:46

I put dd on her Potette under the table in a cafe once. It was in Nepal, & when I took her to the toilet there was shit literally everywhere. We were the only people in the cafe so I took her back to the table..

Hope you have an accident free day tomorrow, OP.

ParadiseChick · 17/05/2013 21:53

Check all the arsey 'he's not trained' comments. How stupid! It's a process, there's no approved 'trained' badge awarded. Op your doing fine, don't regress and confuse your son, you'll get there!

goldenlula · 17/05/2013 22:10

I actually took the 3 second comment as a flippant remark, just meaning that when he says he needs to go, he needs to go. Seeing as ds2 is still like that sometimes and is nearly five, I would not say that this is a sign of a child not being ready.
Op, you already know it was not ideal, but it has happened. Dd is a similar time into potty training, thankfully she is quite good at holding on but the car is a stumbling block. Out and about, at home, in the buggy she asks, in the car she seems to forget to ask some of the time, but I try to ensure she does a wee before we get in the car. She is not dry at night, but has not wet her nappy in any of the 2 hour daytime naps she has had this week.

thezebrawearspurple · 18/05/2013 02:36

Of course ywbu, you knew that he can only wait three seconds, you knew that you wouldn't be able to get to the toilet on time if he needed to go and you chose to put your child in a position of pissing in the middle of a cafe where other people were eating. That's disgusting, unhygienic, obnoxious, inconsiderate and anti social. Until he can wait long enough for you to get him to the bathroom, stay away from anywhere that the potty is inappropriate, especially food areas. The world doesn't revolve around parents and their childrens phases, sometimes you have to stay away from certain places out of consideration for others.

littletime · 18/05/2013 03:54

My dd has been potty trained for 4 months, yesterday we were out for lunch. I asked her if she needed a wee, she said yes...then said 'ooo'and I picked her out of the high chair and she had wee'd in the high chair, which then dropped on the floor. She then held on till we got to the toilet and did a huge wee.
Which is worse? A whipped out potty so it doesn't go everywhere or my dd's accident that does?!
I wouldn't ever have been so organised as to carry a potty but I actually think its quite quick thinking...I definitely would have been the woman carrying the dripping and still wee'ing baby to the loo...
Accidents happen

MidniteScribbler · 18/05/2013 04:11

I can't believe that any civilised person would even think that this is an option. Gross.

Fuckwittery · 18/05/2013 05:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 18/05/2013 07:10

YABU.

However we have just done potty training (well I say training but as DS2 is 3 it wasn't really, it was easy) I can sympathise.

I take DS2 pretty much as soon as we get anywhere and then hurry as much as possible if he says he needs to go. His warnings are getting better.

I would have had the accident rather than reinforce the idea that there is no need to wait.

Just do the best you can, it will be fine.

DoctorRobert · 18/05/2013 07:16

he isn't potty trained

ParadiseChick · 18/05/2013 07:19

Invaluable input there doctor.

sparklekitty · 18/05/2013 07:23

I think I might be the only one who wouldn't be bothered by this. I think I would have looked and was just glad it wasn't me having to potty train and dread when I do

I have yet to experience the joys of potty training, although I teach little ones who still have accidents at 6 because they're too busy doing something else!

pigletmania · 18/05/2013 08:33

Yes it is grim getting a potty out in a place where people eat, but don't give up he is ready, you will only confuse him. He is dry most days, and tells you when he needs to go even if it is only jst before. Lie any skill, potty training is just that, he is learning a new skill and sometimes tat takes time. Not all of us want to wait until the child is 4 to start! Really op there is no harm in putting a pull up on if you need to go somewhere where there are no nearby toilets, or put pant on underneath a pull up so h feels the wet. A one off will not set him back, much better tan whipping out a potty or trying to find somewhere to change a wet child

pigletmania · 18/05/2013 08:39

I did this with my sn Dd who as ASD and dev delay, started potty training when se was 3.5 years and with a few months she was dry and able to hold until she reached the loo, she also did not soil herself. I tried when she was 2 several times but really was not ready

ENSMUM · 18/05/2013 08:50

I understand people may not think its pleasant to see a potty used in a cafe, but don't think it is unhygenic? Letting child wet themselves then wiping floor with napkins would, however be unhygenic! Keep going OP, sounds like he is doing well and going back to nappies would confuse him. We didn't use pull Ups as I don't think the child sees them as different to nappies, although the suggestion of pants under pull Ups could work.

CecilyP · 18/05/2013 08:51

^He is ready, I am just very bad at getting to him once he does tell me (mobility issues) and I have taken him out to lunch many times before now and it has been fine because he has gone before hand. Like I said, every accident outside of the house has been in the car.

I think I got a bit ahead of myself and over confident. I know for next time! And yes missgrinch, that is exactly what I imagined happening!^

I don't think he is really ready if he is so dependent on you to get to him and organise his toileting activity, IYSWIM. You must have been prepared for a problem if you carry a potty around with you all the time. I appreciate there is a difficult stage when they are about there but not quite - in which case I would use the occasional pull-up if you are planning to be out of the house for any length of time.

pigletmania · 18/05/2013 09:04

eNSMUM I did not find that. I certainly did that when we were in the shopping centre, I would make every effort to get dd to the toilet even if sn was in pull ups, if she wet or soiled herself no biggie. I would rather have that than a smudgy poo covered child and clothes when out. If not you can get tots bots toilet training pants which are like cloth pull ups, I also used them, and they used to absorb and contain more than flimsy pants

mikkii · 18/05/2013 09:05

DD3is also 3 weeks in to potty training. I insist that EVERYONE goes for a wee before we go out and DS and DD1 are really good at going along with this to encourage her. We still have accidents more days than we don't, but after 2 already I'm quite relaxed.

Idiunt - I love the idea of DS on the potty during mass. I have expected all of mine to wee in church, but not happened so far! On the first nappy free church trip DD2 decided to sit with our parish nun. I did warn her.

In fact (not trying to hijack the thread) DD2 let out a huge fart on the nun's knee. When asked " who was that?" DD2 blamed DD1 who wasn't even there!

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