Potty Training on the go - WIBU?

[Needavacation]

I am pretty sure I was being unreasonable in this situation but I had little choice and just cannot think of how I could have handled it differently. So AIBU and advice also please!

DS is 2 and a half. Has been potty trained for a month but we still have accidents every couple of days, and its usually because I have a 3 second window in which to get him on the potty/to a toilet but mostly he goes at set times so we are ok. Anyway, we were eating in a supermarket cafe today (essential shopping journey and lunch whilst there). I took him to the loo before we sat down and he wouldn't go. He ate his lunch and then he says Quick Mum! WEE!

So I (and here I become unreasonable) thinking Crap! I will NEVER make it to the toilet in time and we will leave a trail all the way through the cafe and the store, put him under the table on the potty (which I was carrying in the buggy in case he decides the loo is too disgusting). I put our coats round so no one could see. I was honestly thinking that it being in the potty is better that it being on the floor, which it definitely would have been. Anyway I was severely told off by the cafe manager whilst DS was mid-wee, which is understandable but I still really think it was better in the potty than all over the floor. I know its a cafe and a kid on a potty is nasty but what could I have done? I sat nearest the loo's but they were just never going to be a 3 second dash away, I tried to pre-empt it, it wasn't at a usual wee time , I've taken him out almost every day since the first few days and we have only had 3 or 4 accidents and they were all in the car seat. I feel SO embarrassed but I cant see what else there was to do? I just took the telling off because she was right, it was disgusting.

[FarBetterNow]

Toddler wee in the gutter, over a grid etc is a lot more acceptable than weekend drunks weeing in doorways, phone boxes and up alleys.
That wee STINKS.
That wee is NOT acceptable.

[pigletmania]

No different to changing a baby in a cafe or restaurant, a bit gross really. What if it's not wee but a big poo

[Manyofhorror3]

It's amazing how desensitised you can get to wee and poo if you have young children, hence the "it's only a bit of toddler wee." Wee is wee is wee, regardless of whose bottom produces it!

[pigletmania]

I just read your op again, your ds is not potty trained if he is still having accidents and cannot hold on until he gets to the loo, he is still training. Until he can recognise he needs to go, get to a toilet in time,manage his clothing, wipe his bum, flush te toilet and wash his hands, he is not fully trained!

[flanbase]

I think it's reasonable to have put your child onto your potty. He needs to learn to hold on until the loo but as he's just starting out so it's fine to get the potty out. In a cafe environment the hygenic aspect is why the management complained. Next time could you carry him on the potty to the toilet area. I used to have a potty when I was out and I kept it for when the loos weren't clean.

[mikkii]

I was one in a shop with DD1 about a week into potty training. She said "mummy, I need a wee" I put down my shopping, told the guy behind the desk I'd be back for it. Outside no loos or convenient trees, not even a drain, so I whipped her bottom half down and held her over the gutter. A little old lady came past and aid she felt sorry for me. I said I didn't as she had told me in the shop, waited while I put the shopping down, got outside and took her clothes down, then wee'd on command, I said I was ecstatic. The old lady said "we'll, when you see it that way it makes it much easier" she went away smiling and so did I.

Accidents happen. I wouldn't have got the potty out, but only because I ver remember it, even though we have a potette. I'm just not organised. My DCs all learnt to drink from a sport cap bottle really early a I always forgot their cups.

[FarBetterNow]

Zebra: That's disgusting, unhygienic, obnoxious, inconsiderate and anti social.

It's a bit of child's wee in a bagged potty.

It's not being sprayed round the cafe.

I think a four year pooing in a nappy is a lot worse, unless there are medical reasons for it.

I can imagine a four year old being able to write it's name, count and add up, read the odd word, having long conversations, but still in nappies and having poo cleaned off all his bits twice a day because 'he's not quite ready'.

Hmmm.

Needavacation: You will look back and laugh at that incident soon.

[pigletmania]

I don't necessarily think so, i dident find that but every child is different. A park or open space s different as they can go in a bush but when your in a shopping centre it's different. I would nt be happy if a potty was whipped out in a cafe r restaurant it's not teaching te right way and it's gross. I would try and get my Chidren to the toilet and risk an accident

[pumpkinsweetie]

I have done this, but at the local park, but this was when dc3 (3) had only just started potty training.
The thing is pull-ups send them backwards as most kids see them as a posh nappy and will wee in them as much as they want.

It sounds as though he isn't quite ready yet and maybe you would be better of going back to nappies and starting again every few weeks with proper underwear and staying in the house for a week.

My dc were all ready at different ages, mostly between 3-3 1/2yo.
I put them straight into knickers and stayed close to the the house until they could effectively go long waits inbetween using the potty or toilet, pfb went back to the drawing board twice but dd2 & dd3 took to this method within a week and rarely had accidents.

If your dc is having too many accidents he isn't ready & a 30 second warning of using the loo isn't really enough warning to be able to take him out in normal underwear.
I would give potty training a rest for now imo.

Dc4 is 2.5 so thinking of trying her out with potty training in the next half term so I'm always close to the house.

[InsertCleverNameChangeHere]

Lots of conflicting views here.

I agree that he obviously isn't trained, but he's in training, we all had to start somewhere. He might be giving a short warning, but he is still aware when he needs to go. He will get better and better.

OP, I can completely understand your thinking. It could be argued that using the potty prevented him from getting pee all over the floor, and had I been there I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. But I potty trained only a matter of months ago myself, people who haven't done it quite to recently probably wouldn't want to see that while eating.

That said, I do agree that it would have been better to take him to the toilet and risk the accident. Having to hold on will help teach him how.

[SilveryMoon]

Need I did it years ago in a supermarket cafe too and got thrown out. I took ds1 to the furthest corner and got some chairs to block it off, we had a travel potty with the bags, so when he's finished, I secured the bag and popped it in pushchair basket.
I didn't take him to the loo because ds2 was in the highchair eating lunch and I had loads of shopping etc so I thought it'd just be easier.
Tbh, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if i saw someone doing this, if I was in a restaurant/cafe and a potty came out for a toddler.

[mikkii]

If he has accidents in the car, have you bought the pads that go in the car seat or pushchair to contain accidents? I think I got mine from kiddicare, but hat was about 7 years ago. If you want I could go and check the name of them. They are plastic backed, terry front and have a loop for the crutch strap to keep it in place.

[pigletmania]

I got my tots bots traing pants 2nd hand from e bay much cheaper

[mikkii]

DD3is also 3 weeks in to potty training. I insist that EVERYONE goes for a wee before we go out and DS and DD1 are really good at going along with this to encourage her. We still have accidents more days than we don't, but after 2 already I'm quite relaxed.

Idiunt - I love the idea of DS on the potty during mass. I have expected all of mine to wee in church, but not happened so far! On the first nappy free church trip DD2 decided to sit with our parish nun. I did warn her.

In fact (not trying to hijack the thread) DD2 let out a huge fart on the nun's knee. When asked " who was that?" DD2 blamed DD1 who wasn't even there!

[pigletmania]

eNSMUM I did not find that. I certainly did that when we were in the shopping centre, I would make every effort to get dd to the toilet even if sn was in pull ups, if she wet or soiled herself no biggie. I would rather have that than a smudgy poo covered child and clothes when out. If not you can get tots bots toilet training pants which are like cloth pull ups, I also used them, and they used to absorb and contain more than flimsy pants

[CecilyP]

^He is ready, I am just very bad at getting to him once he does tell me (mobility issues) and I have taken him out to lunch many times before now and it has been fine because he has gone before hand. Like I said, every accident outside of the house has been in the car.

I think I got a bit ahead of myself and over confident. I know for next time! And yes missgrinch, that is exactly what I imagined happening!^

I don't think he is really ready if he is so dependent on you to get to him and organise his toileting activity, IYSWIM. You must have been prepared for a problem if you carry a potty around with you all the time. I appreciate there is a difficult stage when they are about there but not quite - in which case I would use the occasional pull-up if you are planning to be out of the house for any length of time.

[ENSMUM]

I understand people may not think its pleasant to see a potty used in a cafe, but don't think it is unhygenic? Letting child wet themselves then wiping floor with napkins would, however be unhygenic! Keep going OP, sounds like he is doing well and going back to nappies would confuse him. We didn't use pull Ups as I don't think the child sees them as different to nappies, although the suggestion of pants under pull Ups could work.

[pigletmania]

I did this with my sn Dd who as ASD and dev delay, started potty training when se was 3.5 years and with a few months she was dry and able to hold until she reached the loo, she also did not soil herself. I tried when she was 2 several times but really was not ready

[pigletmania]

Yes it is grim getting a potty out in a place where people eat, but don't give up he is ready, you will only confuse him. He is dry most days, and tells you when he needs to go even if it is only jst before. Lie any skill, potty training is just that, he is learning a new skill and sometimes tat takes time. Not all of us want to wait until the child is 4 to start! Really op there is no harm in putting a pull up on if you need to go somewhere where there are no nearby toilets, or put pant on underneath a pull up so h feels the wet. A one off will not set him back, much better tan whipping out a potty or trying to find somewhere to change a wet child

[sparklekitty]

I think I might be the only one who wouldn't be bothered by this. I think I would have looked and was just glad it wasn't me having to potty train and dread when I do

I have yet to experience the joys of potty training, although I teach little ones who still have accidents at 6 because they're too busy doing something else!

[ParadiseChick]

Invaluable input there doctor.

[DoctorRobert]

he isn't potty trained

[Morloth]

YABU.

However we have just done potty training (well I say training but as DS2 is 3 it wasn't really, it was easy) I can sympathise.

I take DS2 pretty much as soon as we get anywhere and then hurry as much as possible if he says he needs to go. His warnings are getting better.

I would have had the accident rather than reinforce the idea that there is no need to wait.

Just do the best you can, it will be fine.

[MidniteScribbler]

I can't believe that any civilised person would even think that this is an option. Gross.