I didn't see a stranger take a photo of my DS. I feel sick.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Please go easy on me as I'm expecting to get a flaming here. But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

I took my two DC swimming earlier...DS is almost 5, DD is 10 months. We were on the bus on the way to the pool and I stood with DD in her pram in the buggy area (the brake on my pram doesn't work so had to stay with her where I was) but DS wanted to sit at the back of the bus. There was only about 3 rows of seats between us and I could see him quite clearly so I thought it was fine.

My DS is a confident little chap and he started chatting to a man who was sitting opposite him...showing him his Octonauts toys that he had with him and telling him the characters names etc. Anyway, I could hear exactly what my DS was saying and I could see him from where I was and he was fine, the man he was chatting to was in his 50s or 60s and looked like a nice friendly man and I wasn't concerned at all. He was just being friendly to my DS. But I was keeping an eye on him...but also trying to entertain DD in her pram.

Anyway, when we got off the bus my DS said goodbye to the man he had been chatting to and the man smiled and waved. And my DS started telling me that he'd been chatting to a nice man and telling me what they'd been talking about. But then he told me the man took a photo of my DS on his phone. I DID NOT see this...must have been when I was looking at DD in her pram.

The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it. But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do.

In a week when there is a lot of press about a man collecting photos of children, collating them into folders on his PC and then allegedly sexually assaulting and murdering one of those children and a month after a local child similar age to your son was abducted I can see why you had a moment of anxiety OP.

No harm can be felt by any parent or child if someone takes or views their photos but the motivation driving someone to take photos of a small child is what would agitate me. If my partner took photos of random children I would have to think hard about why on earth....

It is typically AIBU that people will ignore the blindingly obvious and start accusing the OP of being neglectful for having defective pram brakes and suggesting there is not a massive skew in the statistics of men vs women paedophiles.

Again, thank you for the supportive comments.

But I'm getting a bit fed up with all the others comments tbh...but as they are coming from people who clearly think it's perfectly acceptable behaviour for a stranger to photograph a child without a parent's knowledge, then I actually trust my judgement more anyway. So go ahead and think I'm neurotic...I don't think a great deal of you and your parenting either.

I have already said that if the man had asked I wouldn't have minded. I also never said that I thought that this man was obviously a paedophile...I said his actions made me feel uncomfortable because he crossed a line IMO and I'm shocked by how many people say they wouldn't have cared. Seriously?!?! I do accept that the circumstances were innocent but if another stranger took a pic of him without permission I would still feel uncomfortable.

Also, when I posted on here originally...I WANTED people to tell me I was over-reacting. I was in a state and I wanted people to tell me it's fine, no harm done and calm down. So I'm glad most people disagreed with me.

You shouldn't have sent your child up the the back of the bus to be supervised by someone you didn't know then, should you.

Sheesh.

So you got what you wanted then - people disagreed with you!

And your opening post was clearly saying that you felt more than uncomfortable. I feel sick is in the title FFS.

Freddie's got it... Sheesh.

And you may not have said straight out that the man was a paedophile but it was very strongly implied in what you said.

When, in fact, he was doing you a favour by minding your child and keeping them amused. Which you didn't ask him if he minded doing. Just sent your child up the back of the bus.

You can't have it both ways. Either you're paranoid thinking that every man is a potential abuser, in which case keep your child next to you and don't send them up the back of the bus, or it's ok, he was amusing your child, in which case you should have asked him if he minded, and don't then come on here bleating about it.

Wow. What a backlash, OP!

You felt how you felt - whatever anybody says.

You shouldn't need to justify your feelings. Try to move on now.

Bloody hell! Do people ever actually read threads? At least the OP's posts?

She asked for opinions (and she certainly got them!). She does feel she overreacted. She's calmed down and she's taken a lot of opinions on board. And she's more cross with herself that she thought she was being vigilant and she missed something - harmless or not.

And she's still getting a kicking!

What do you want? Sackcloth and ashes? Garment rending?

Today's paranoid society makes parents overreact and question themselves. Give the OP credit for listening to different perspectives and re-thinking the situation.

Sheesh!

You shouldn't have sent your child up the the back of the bus to be supervised by someone you didn't know then, should you.

Eh? Do you really think that is what happened? I sent my child to the back of the bus. And expected a stranger to supervise him. WTF? That's very likely isn't it. FFS. If you're not going to bother reading the post then why bother adding an unhelpful and irrelevent comment?

He was 3 rows away from me because he wanted to sit at the back. Do you not have a child that likes to sit at the back of a bus?? He started chatting to a man. I could hear him and I listened...I was talking to him myself. I was watching him the whole time while also looking after my baby DD. I didn't ask him to stop talking to the man because the man looked perfectly happy with it. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, I don't know. But I did not expect this man to supervise or entertain him...

Sheesh...why am I even wasting my time responding to such a bloody inane comment.

But that is what happened.

Next time try telling your child no.

So OP now your going down the line of telling people who disagree with you that their comments are "irrelevant" and "inane".

I'll continue to believe you are neurotic.

Bobyan..I'll continue to believe you are being a bitch then.

Bobyan, why do you have to turn this into a personal attack on me? I came on here asking for opinions ON A SITUATION. Most people understand that concept but you continue to attack me personally by saying I am neurotic.

I continue to not give a s**t what you think of me...you don't know me, you don't know my kids or my family.

If a comment is irrelevant to what actually happened, I will say it is irrelevant. And it was inane because clearly I did not send my 4yo to the back of a bus to be supervised by a stranger and it is inane to suggest that I did. So yes I will say it's inane.

Thank you Fanjo

Semantics then

You allowed your 4 year old to sit at the back of the bus beside a man. Who was then interacting with your child in a way he saw fit and proper.

You don't like that, you should have said no to your child and kept them beside you.

Have you never regretted doing something or acted in an over anxious way?

Not over something so insignificant, Fanjo, no.

The man did the OP a favour and entertained her child. And then she comes on here making wild leaps and all kinds of inferences and somehow he's in the wrong?

Ludicrous. In my opinion.

She didn't call police on him.

She just got over anxious and wanted to talk

Surprised at the amount of abuse the OP is getting.

Yes, I think it's lovely that an adult is prepared to engage with and entertain a small child (I've done it myself). But I would find it more than a bit odd if the adult then took a photo of the child. Why would you do that? My instincts would certainly tell me something was fishy if someone did that.

I didn't say she called the police on him

I don't see the issue. It's a non-issue. The man amused her child. He took a photo of the child. And showed it to him on his phone. The OP has no idea what the conversation with the child was that led to him taking the photo.

It clearly wasnt fishy.

My gripe is for the OP to have got into such a state she must be feeling quite low emotionally so I think she needs understanding.

This is the second thread today where someone is getting a kicking for being "overemotional"..clearly AIBU doesnt like signs of weakness.

In fact

I agree its a non issue.

Just have sympathy for OP for getting so upset over a wee thing like that.

Freddie, again I don't think you are getting what my issue was.

My issue was that IMO I believed I was supervising my child well despite him not being sat with me. He was close enough to me that I could see him and see what he was doing. I DID hear the conversation...I was listening, I was watching. There was NOTHING that suggested to me that the conversation and interaction was inappropriate or made me feel uncomfortable. If there was, of course I would have insisted to my DS that he come and stand with me.

My point is that despite this, something that IMO DID cross a line happened and I DIDN'T SEE IT.

My wobble/over-reaction/meltdown, or whatever you want to call it, was NOT because of an innocent photo on a phone...it was because I suddenly questioned MY actions and face the prospect that I could have placed my DS in harms way without even realising. I had the whole "what if" torture going around in my head, and replaying every time I let my child feel like a big boy and wondering what could have happened then too.

Sheesh...why am I even wasting my time responding to such a bloody inane comment.

What I gather from this is that most people here don't mind if someone takes a photo of their child with out the parents knowledge when the person taking the photo could have asked first. That's very strange for me to understand. I wouldn't want people taking a photo of my child without my knowing when I am close by & could be asked and when the situation is one that a photo isn't a usual aspect of the activity involved. Having your child sit on a bus next to another passenger doesn't normally involve the said passenger taking a photo of the child.

Flan - what do you do about CCTV then?