I didn't see a stranger take a photo of my DS. I feel sick.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Please go easy on me as I'm expecting to get a flaming here. But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

I took my two DC swimming earlier...DS is almost 5, DD is 10 months. We were on the bus on the way to the pool and I stood with DD in her pram in the buggy area (the brake on my pram doesn't work so had to stay with her where I was) but DS wanted to sit at the back of the bus. There was only about 3 rows of seats between us and I could see him quite clearly so I thought it was fine.

My DS is a confident little chap and he started chatting to a man who was sitting opposite him...showing him his Octonauts toys that he had with him and telling him the characters names etc. Anyway, I could hear exactly what my DS was saying and I could see him from where I was and he was fine, the man he was chatting to was in his 50s or 60s and looked like a nice friendly man and I wasn't concerned at all. He was just being friendly to my DS. But I was keeping an eye on him...but also trying to entertain DD in her pram.

Anyway, when we got off the bus my DS said goodbye to the man he had been chatting to and the man smiled and waved. And my DS started telling me that he'd been chatting to a nice man and telling me what they'd been talking about. But then he told me the man took a photo of my DS on his phone. I DID NOT see this...must have been when I was looking at DD in her pram.

The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it. But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Bobyan, read my previous post. That is exactly what I've said has concerned me the most.

[Spero]

Remember the little girl who wandered out of her nursery and drowned in a pond? A man driving a van saw her walking along the road. He did not stop because he was afraid he would be accused of something awful.

I think the same thing happened to James Bulger - at least two people saw him, distressed, with other two boys but did not feel comfortable intervening.

I think this attitude that every stranger who takes an interest in your child must be up to no good is very dangerous.

[DystopianReality]

OP, part of growing up oneself and particularly part of being a parent is the sometimes painful task of 'letting go'.

You did very well at letting your DS go and enjoy some independance at the back of the bus, but with you still being able to 'keep an eye' on him. That is important.

Nothing awful happened, objectively,

You gave him a chance to feel 'grown up', therefore helping him develop his confidence.

You will have to accept at some pont that you will never be able to 'SEE' everything. Being 'good enough' is fine.

Relax about this but also think about how you can relax about the whole children thing and congratulate yourself on what you do well and not on what you perceive to be shortfalls when they aren't.

Have a good, Friday night, and be cheered by others' sanguine posts and if they can help you to become more sanguine too.

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

OP, you were supervising enough. You can't keep an eye constantly on both kids, don't beat yourself up about it.

and next time, don't post in AIBU

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

littleballerina, thank you for asking .

And yes I'm feeling much better than I was earlier. You know when you just overly-dwell on something, your brain goes into overdrive and then get yourself into a real state about it...well, yes.

[SameDifference]

It does sound a bit dodgy. I don't think you're over reacting...

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

I guess this is the f tirst time something like this has happened (to my knowledge) without the person asking me. People offer me help all the time and I gladly accept. People have offered to hold my son's hand up the escalator too when I've got the pram and I gladly accept. And if he has asked me if he could take a photo I probably would have said it was ok...but the fact that it was without my permission does make it seem more "wrong". I can't help but feel like that.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Well done for realising no harm was done

You say the man was older, and I think sometimes the older generation don't think about things in the same way we do. If he knew it was a harmless thing, it probably didn't occur to him that someone else might not see it as harmless.

[FrebbieMisaGREATshag]

This could have been my dad.

And it makes me sad that if he did that, the mother would have got off the bus and made him into a paedophile in her head.

Would you feel differently if it had been a woman?

[LordSugar]

YABU to use the word 'chap'

YABU about the photo too and totally over reacting

[HollyBerryBush]

Oh dear (again) you'd love my DS1 (18), he loves old people, the poor old dears round here, doesn't matter if he knows them or not, he just takes their shopping bags and walks them home from the corner shop and makes sure they are safe inside.

I say "love, you just can't do that these days, one day some old dear is going to pepper spray you thinking you're a mugger".

If I've got them both out, rare these days, they both just hoy up prams between them and run down stairs with it.

IF I've given my boys nothing else it is a sense of old fashioned chivalry.

[complexnumber]

I have no idea how many people may have a pic of DD1.

She seemed to be the subject of so many other people's photos when she was young, especially Japanese tourists when we were in Aqaba and Petra.

Strangely, noone was interested in taking a pic of me... it seems a camel is more attractive.

[spidersandslugs]

Perhaps your ds asked the man to take a pic of him? My ds 3.5 often asks me to take pics of him pulling funny faces & asks to look at the pics after I've taken them.

I don't think.the man was a pervert or weirdo. An eccentric maybe or even possibly special needs. My dad takes photos of the kids at all his gc's bday parties. Am 100% he has good intentions.

Not going to give you a flaming. Sorry. The man overstepped a boundary but may not have realised he was doing so.

[HeadFairy]

Oh dear... a teensy bit of an over reaction I fear...

DS has been photographed a few times by strangers. A couple of times in central London Japanese tourists have asked if they can take his picture (when he was a cute, blonde, curly haired toddler). Once outside the Tate Modern there was a small crowd of them all taking pics of my ds and my friend's ds. Apparently it's their "thing" to take pictures of cute kids to show the folks at home.

Each to their own, my ds hasn't been harmed.

[Pouncer1]

I must admit I would have reacted exactly like you. I would never take a photo of a child/adult without asking permission of parent/carer.

It was all probably very innocent and keeping your DS amused on the bus, hope your ok OP.

[crashdoll]

You were over-reacting but as you said, the more you think about things, the worse it can seem. So, just breathe and move on from this. :)

[PoppyAmex]

Just regarding all this discussion around photographs taken by strangers:

If you're on a public right of way - such as a public pavement, footpath or public highway - you're free to take photographs for personal and commercial use so long as you're not causing an obstruction to other users or falling foul of anti-Terrorism laws or even the Official Secrets Act.

Furthermore, photographers are free to use their photographs of people taken in public places as they wish - including for commercial gain.

So any citizen can legally take pictures of you/your family; they don't need to be professional photographers.

[PiratePanda]

Lord, I had a guy turn around and give me the evil eye because I had the temerity to help him move his enormous bugaboo whose wheels were stuck and entirely blocking the queue to collect coffee at costa

I really don't understand the paranoia.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I live somewhere with lots of Japanese tourists. DD is practically a celebrity there.

[CorrieDale]

Dystopianreality has it right. My dh once had to do a double take before rescuing a child who was in difficulties in a swimming pool. Why? He was afraid he'd be accused of inappropriately touching him. I thought it was a ridiculous anxiety but he just says it's different for blokes. The fear of misinterpretation is always there apparently.

[milkymocha]

Get over it. What a mug!

[HeySoulSister]

What you going to do about your dangerous pram op?

[TonytheFish]

Tbh, if you do not want this sort of thing to happen, you don't leave your children to be entertained by strangers.

I have kids, and I still hate having to chat to other random people's children, while they do whatever. And they are children, so i feel the need to be polite as opposed to telling them to get lost, as I would really like to do. The parents probably assume i am just loving chatting away to their little darlings. I am not.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

HeySoulSister, the pram is destined for the tip . Just waiting for the new wheels for my trusty old Maclaren pushchair to arrive and then it's a goner!