I didn't see a stranger take a photo of my DS. I feel sick.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Please go easy on me as I'm expecting to get a flaming here. But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

I took my two DC swimming earlier...DS is almost 5, DD is 10 months. We were on the bus on the way to the pool and I stood with DD in her pram in the buggy area (the brake on my pram doesn't work so had to stay with her where I was) but DS wanted to sit at the back of the bus. There was only about 3 rows of seats between us and I could see him quite clearly so I thought it was fine.

My DS is a confident little chap and he started chatting to a man who was sitting opposite him...showing him his Octonauts toys that he had with him and telling him the characters names etc. Anyway, I could hear exactly what my DS was saying and I could see him from where I was and he was fine, the man he was chatting to was in his 50s or 60s and looked like a nice friendly man and I wasn't concerned at all. He was just being friendly to my DS. But I was keeping an eye on him...but also trying to entertain DD in her pram.

Anyway, when we got off the bus my DS said goodbye to the man he had been chatting to and the man smiled and waved. And my DS started telling me that he'd been chatting to a nice man and telling me what they'd been talking about. But then he told me the man took a photo of my DS on his phone. I DID NOT see this...must have been when I was looking at DD in her pram.

The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it. But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Thanks all for the responses and the perspective. As I said before, it happened this morning and I've been dwelling on it and over-thinking about it ever since. And the more I thought about it the more it becamse something disproportionately huge.

I thank you all for making me realise that I was massively over-reacting

[appletarts]

I'd feel the same as you. Mind you I always get my arse flamed on aibu so have stopped asking

[quirrelquarrel]

If it was a little old lady, how would you have reacted OP? Why can't this man step out of what's supposedly normal and be judged just like anyone else?

(sorry haven't read thread just first page!)

[LouiseD29]

I have a photo of some kids (about 7/8 years old) I took in a Township in Cape Town. I ddn't ask their parents' permission. WIBU?

[maresedotes]

Stop beating yourself up. Nothing wrong with not sitting right next to your child on a bus.

He shouldn't have taken a photo.

Yes, it is a worry that some people can't speak to children they don't know (my dad was always chatting to children in the park when walking his dog) but he would never have taken a photo. It probably is nothing sinister but it is still inappropriate.

How many of you saying the OP should lighten up have done it? How many times have your friends/relatives said "look at this photo I've taken of a child when I was out and about?". Very few I expect.

Hope you have a good evening OP.

[dementedma]

I sat next to a very chatty wee boy on a train once and took funny photos of him on my phone and showed him them. It passes the time.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Miaow, read my first post on page 6 (this page)...right at the top! The pram is going to the tip. I have a very good Maclaren pushchair which just needs its new wheels!

QuirrelQuarrel, it's not the fact that it was a man (although admittedly I probablly wouldn't have dwelled on it quite as much as I have if it had been a little old lady). I do not like that someone took a photo of my child with his phone without my permission. It doesn't seem right to me. So if a little old lady took a photo without my permission, I wouldn't like that either.

LouiseD29, each to their own. I certainly wouldn't have taken a photo of some random children without asking permission. But that's just me.

[notbotheredreally]

i wouldnt like a stranger taking a pic of my kid tbh , its a bit creepy, i would only worry if i didnt hear the chat they were having and how much info my kid gave out , if you heard it all then i wouldnt worry .

[Doubtfuldaphne]

This has made me think of something my dad did! On a train journey with his wife and some others there was a girl of about 3 who was singing songs and making my dad and everyone laugh. She kept the train entertained for the journey. At the end before leaving my dad took a photo of her. I did think it was a bit weird as why would we care and I wondered if the parents were ok with it or if he'd even bothered to ask.
He's definitely not a peado though and I think some just mis judge what's appropriate sometimes !

[greenformica]

I wouldn't like someone taking a photo of my kids either but I strongly suspect there is nothing to it. The chap probably has similar aged grand kids or wanted to show his wife the chatty little boy he met earlier.

[WafflyVersatile]

I once spent a fabulous hour on a train in Belgium playing nose beeps and ear wibbles with a toddler. She was happy and excited and her mum was happy for her to be occupied. The teens in the carriage were joining in playing between themselves and falling over lauging! I think it made everyone but one grumpy businessman very happy. She was utterly delightful. I might have taken a picture, I'm not sure. It was a happy and resilient memory of my holiday and i took pictures of all sorts of things that brought me joy when I was travelling around. And I look at them with enjoyment of the memories.

Kids bring a lot of joy to people (well to the people who aren't complaining about them making noise)

That man probably went home and told his wife about the lovely conversation he had with a charming friendly chatty young boy on the bus and doesn't he remind you of Jimmy at that age. Or maybe he's a widower, or maybe they never had kids.

I'm not a mum but an aunt to several kids and some of my most precious memories are time spent with them. Encounters with children are often truly uplifting for many. That conversation probably made this man's day, making him smile at the memory of such happy carefree enthusiastic chat you rarely get with careworn adults.

Interactions between adults and children are mostly happy not suspicious.

[flanbase]

it's an issue of politeness to ask if it's ok to take a picture of someones child.

[KobayashiMaru]

There is CCTV everywhere in the UK. Your kid has his image recorded 20 times while you were out, same as every day. Get a massive grip.

[BegoniaBampot]

I've taken photos of random kids, never really thought to ask. My kids have been photographed by strangers, mostly not a problem unless they overstep the line by following us taking pic after sneaky pic of my toddler. Or a bunch of grown adults standing taking pics of my 6 yr old rolling around fighting his friend.

Op, seems like you have chilled out now, breathe and relax!

[WafflyVersatile]

I remember a few of us on a walk trying to take a picture of a mural in a play ground and someone telling us to stop because there were kids in the playground. Ridiculous fever pitch fear of child abuse.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

But you were keeping an eye on him. Nothing bad would have happened without you being aware of it.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

American tourists like to take photos of my DD. well about 5 of them have over about 4 years. I think they're a bit odd but I just smile and nod.

[PariahHairy]

Well done op for being very reasonable I must admit I have never had anyone take pictures of my kids, but have a wealth of experience of bus people.

I can't say it would bother me tbh, looking through the memory card of dd's kidizoom type camera, there were crap loads of pictures of random people, what in reality could he possibly do with the pic? He has probably already deleted it and only took it to keep your ds amused.

How did you feel about the guy? I must admit there was only one guy in the area I was a bit wary of, still smiled and said hello etc. Then we got a puppy, he adores people, will tie himself in knots and do excited wees to get a random stroke. The only person he was wary of and proper aggressive barked at was this guy .

I'll trust my puppy in the character evaluation stakes!

[AuntLucyInPeru]

Yabu. And a bit weird.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Pariah How did I feel about the guy? I didn't think anything of him other than I thought it was sweet that he was taking the time to talk to my child and that made me smile. People on here are kind of assuming that I would automatically assume ulterior motives if anyone so much as looks at my child. This is eally really not the case. I love watching my child chat to people and I feel very proud of his confidence. And I warm to people who take the time to be kind to him back. I would never think bad things about someone unless their behaviour gave me reason to.

Unfortunately, I felt that taking a photo of my child without permission was odd and it gave me the creeps. Yes, yesterday I worked myself up into a state about it and as a lot of people have pointed out, it was a complete over-reaction and paranoia. I recognise this now.

AuntLucy, thanks for your helpful input.

[Wuxiapian]

I wouldn't have liked it, either, CCW.

To me, it's an odd thing for a grown man and total stranger to do.

Isn't there some privacy law about taking pictures without permission?

[RedHelenB]

OP, get a grip! He took the photo to entertain YOUR child. For any other purpose he wouldn't have let on to your ds that he had taken it!!!

[lucindapie]

YANBU, it's how you feel, and that's totally valid. Those are your feelings, and they are fine, even if they are different to how others are sure they are. It's a shame that people feel the need to flame you just for expressing how they feel,
What is your neighbourhood like? Is it the kind of place that makes you feel wary and mistrusting of others? Have you been reading stuff in the news, or watching TV that makes you feel like this?

In all likelihood the man was just entertaining your ds. There are lots of very trustworthy people out there.