I didn't see a stranger take a photo of my DS. I feel sick.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Please go easy on me as I'm expecting to get a flaming here. But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

I took my two DC swimming earlier...DS is almost 5, DD is 10 months. We were on the bus on the way to the pool and I stood with DD in her pram in the buggy area (the brake on my pram doesn't work so had to stay with her where I was) but DS wanted to sit at the back of the bus. There was only about 3 rows of seats between us and I could see him quite clearly so I thought it was fine.

My DS is a confident little chap and he started chatting to a man who was sitting opposite him...showing him his Octonauts toys that he had with him and telling him the characters names etc. Anyway, I could hear exactly what my DS was saying and I could see him from where I was and he was fine, the man he was chatting to was in his 50s or 60s and looked like a nice friendly man and I wasn't concerned at all. He was just being friendly to my DS. But I was keeping an eye on him...but also trying to entertain DD in her pram.

Anyway, when we got off the bus my DS said goodbye to the man he had been chatting to and the man smiled and waved. And my DS started telling me that he'd been chatting to a nice man and telling me what they'd been talking about. But then he told me the man took a photo of my DS on his phone. I DID NOT see this...must have been when I was looking at DD in her pram.

The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it. But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do.

[flanbase]

The cctv is a normal part of life nowadays. It is legal to photograph in public places but imho there is a line between a public camera setup for safety and someones telephone taking a photo of a child. The cctv is something that captures everyone in it's gaze. The photo is an image captured by one person and under the contol of someone not known to the op or contactable by them.

[Gruntfuttock]

The child in question was pulling funny faces. The man opposite - to whom the little boy had been happily chatting within sight and sound of his mother - took a photo of the funny face and showed it to the boy, knowing that the little boy couldn't see his own face. That's not weird or creepy in my opinion. Not in that context.

[flanbase]

The issue is one of common courtesy. The other passenger could just have said 'can I take a photo' & the op could then have said yes or no. It's the surprise element of being told afterwards by her child that I understand caused her distress (just my reading of the situation).

[Horsemad]

I can understand your concern but really you are overreacting.
The media has done a good job on terrifying parents. The man probably didn't even realise how him taking a photo might be construed.

He did nothing wrong btw, it is perfectly legal to take photos in public places. Hence why the paps are allowed to do it.

I know someone who got sent away from a children's footy match because they took photos of the kids playing football (their child was one of the players)
However, that person was called the next day by the club chairman, the manager AND the referee (who'd sent them away) and apologised to, as the FA 'positively encourage the taking of photos at football matches'.

Most people do not know the law and mass hysteria ensues.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

mountain meet molehill

[Thinkingpositively]

Oh...poor you. Yes, I can see why that would be unsettlng. Your son's completely innocent interaction in public has been taken into the private arena of a stranger because he has taken a photo on his mobile phone. I do think you need to stop giving yourself a hard time though. It has happened. It is hopefully completely innocent. Your DS probably cheered the chap up and brightened his day! I think the issue here is it doesn't matter if the action is innocent or not. It is the act of crossing the boundary that you had no control over?

We will have have to navigate internet, mobile phones, stranger danger with our kids and will have times of feeling unsettled about things that other people do out of stupidity and ignorance.......! you haven't put your child at risk by letting him chat to a stranger on a bus........it's great that kids grow up confident, without unreasonable fears and able to make choices about what they do day to day with supervision and guidance. Your son wasn't distressed by it? Then there is probably nothing at all to worry about......silly man. relax and let it go!

[Gruntfuttock]

In the OP, this sentence

"The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it."

Is followed by this:-

"But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do."

Good grief. That reaction is so OTT and completely uncalled-for.

It reminds me of the time I involuntarily smiled at the sight and sound of an adorable baby giggling and gurgling in the baby seat of a supermarket trolley. The mother shot me a look of pure loathing presumably because I had dared to look at her baby and reacted to its behavior by smiling. Maybe she started a thread on AIBU about me, saying she was shaking with rage at this horrible old woman in the supermarket, who looked at her baby.

This thread is depressing.

[Bobyan]

You can think what you like Fanjo, this is a public forum and you're entitled to say and think what you want.

Which is one of my points to the OP - don't ask for opinions on your something and then start whining when you get some that you don't like.
I stand by my opinion that if someone taking a photo in a public place reduces you to shaking and feeling sick, you're neurotic.

[imaginethat]

It sounds harmless. But it is weird when strangers take photos of ypur children without asking. I noticed a man using a camera with a very powerful lens to take pictures of my dc splashing on a big step that leads to the sea. They were dancing and it was lovely to watch but as I looked round I noticed the camera guy and he quickly pointed his camera in another direction. It seemed weird but ultimately there was nothing wrong. I guess?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

You're not actually entitled to say what you want.

I do believe the whole ethos of the site and the Talk Guidelines are about being supportive to each other.

Where exactly are you being supportive to the OP?

[Bobyan]

Definition of neurotic;
(Informal) A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset.

Shaking and feeling sick because some bloke took a photo on a bus, of a kid whos parent was apparently close, is I think being neurotic.

As far as being supportive, at the start of the thread people where telling her exactly how ridiculous she was being, instead of taking it on the chin, the op became more and more argumentative.
As I have said, if you ask for opinions you should be willing to accept the other persons view point whether you agree or not. After all this is "Am I being unreasonable?" not "everyone agree with me and hold my hand".

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Well..personally I prefer to be a bit kinder to people that are upset and anxious but whatever floats yer boat.

[Bobyan]

As I've said that's your thoughts and your entitled to them. I certainly won't be telling you that your opinion is irrelevant and inane just because I don't agree. After all we are all here to hear what other people think, are we not?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I didn't say your opinion was irrelevant or inane.

I said it was cruel and bitchy.

[BegoniaBampot]

Actually the OP did take on the chin and admitted herself she was being unreasonably and OTT. As usual some folk just need to bawbags and be quite nasty. Says much more about them than the OP.

[member]

I've skipped a lot of pages so may be repeating something someone else has said. I really think in this instance that the man was using the camera function on the phone in the same way one may have used a compact mirror in the past; as an entertainment device for the child. If you were showing a child themselves making faces in a mirror, you wouldn't ask permission from the parent.

[valiumredhead]

I wouldn't like it either OP, not something I or anyone I know would do with the parent's permission.

I like the way everyone just knows this man was harmless

If my ds came home from school and said there was someone (male or female]) taking pics of him I would want to know why as it's not appropriate - even if he is 'fully clothed!'

I wouldn't feel sick but I wouldn't like it at all and tbh I can't think of anyone I know who would either.

Btw I have always encouraged ds to smile and say hello to people he doesn't know as the majority of the time strangers and just people we don't know yet, but taking photos doesn't sit well with me at all, it's not appropriate.

I've used 'not appropriate' far too often

[GlassofRose]

OP, I think it's odd to take a picture of a child you're interacting with but in all honesty I am very cautious when It comes to other peoples children. In fact the last time I see a child distressed in ASDA not knowing where her mum was I was worried I'd be accused of trying to abduct her whilst taking her over to the security guard. This level of panic and hysteria about society which really isn't called for in today's society is why so many have said yabu.

Your issue is that you weren't supervising your children to the level you thought you were. That's not unreasonable to think because in spite of you saying you could hear their conversation you didn't hear the conversation between them about the photograph and it's very unlikely that the man took the photo and no words were uttered between them about it. However, no matter how odd it is that the photograph was took, it really is no need to panic or stop your son from sitting at the back of the bus in ear shot :)

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

at the start of the thread people where telling her exactly how ridiculous she was being, instead of taking it on the chin, the op became more and more argumentative.

I'm totally baffled by this comment Bobyan. Where have I become more argumentative? Was it the bit where I admitted that I over-reacted and that I had calmed down or the bit where I accepted that the circumstances were innocent...perhaps you should look that up in the dictionary too because you clearly haven't understood Anyone would think you've just got it in for me...

But I'm still not changing my mind that I think the man crossed a line by taking a photo, no matter how innocent his intentions...it made me feel uncomfortable. Can I help how I feel?

[valiumredhead]

I agree with you coffee even if the intentions were innocent I wouldn't have liked it at all.

[xylem8]

In think you are nutty as a fruitacake and it is hysterical people like you that put men off working with children, denying our sons strong male role models outside the family .

[Nanny0gg]

xylem8
Have you read the OP's subsequent posts?

[Ilovemyself]

I have to say t,his is what is bad about the world today. I hate feeling bad about taking photos of my children in case I get someone else's in. I hate feeling awkward playing with my children's friends in case their parents are worried I am up to something. I hate the fact you can't cuddle a child who is upset for fear of being accused of being up to no good.

I know there are some really nasty people out there, but if you are sensible there should never be a risk. There certainly wasn't in this case.

[SauvignonBlanche]

People were always taking DS' picture when he was little, he had blond curls.
Once we were at the beach and a man came over all stern-faced to tell us that a man had been taking his picture. We were really nonplussed, it was a public beach, anyone could take photos, we weren't sure how to react.