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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I didn't see a stranger take a photo of my DS. I feel sick.

241 replies

CoffeeChocolateWine · 17/05/2013 17:02

Please go easy on me as I'm expecting to get a flaming here. But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

I took my two DC swimming earlier...DS is almost 5, DD is 10 months. We were on the bus on the way to the pool and I stood with DD in her pram in the buggy area (the brake on my pram doesn't work so had to stay with her where I was) but DS wanted to sit at the back of the bus. There was only about 3 rows of seats between us and I could see him quite clearly so I thought it was fine.

My DS is a confident little chap and he started chatting to a man who was sitting opposite him...showing him his Octonauts toys that he had with him and telling him the characters names etc. Anyway, I could hear exactly what my DS was saying and I could see him from where I was and he was fine, the man he was chatting to was in his 50s or 60s and looked like a nice friendly man and I wasn't concerned at all. He was just being friendly to my DS. But I was keeping an eye on him...but also trying to entertain DD in her pram.

Anyway, when we got off the bus my DS said goodbye to the man he had been chatting to and the man smiled and waved. And my DS started telling me that he'd been chatting to a nice man and telling me what they'd been talking about. But then he told me the man took a photo of my DS on his phone. I DID NOT see this...must have been when I was looking at DD in her pram.

The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it. But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/05/2013 17:25

I think OP is upset because she's thinking man might have done something worse without her noticing?

Am I right?

AmandaPayneNeedsANap · 17/05/2013 17:28

This post here is a perfect example of why my lovely dad is scared to talk to children in public unless he has one of the grandkids with him.Sad

Honestly, anyone could take a photo of your child in public all the time without you knowing. The fact that it was so open means it was almost certainly innocent. And it was a photo of a fully clothed child.

ZZZenagain · 17/05/2013 17:28

I don't think you did anything wrong letting your ds sit where he was. What harm can the man having a photo of your ds pulling a face do? Probably with his features skewed up, he isn't even really recognisable. Try not to worry too much. I am sure it is ok.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/05/2013 17:28

Actually, re-reading the OP, it's the photo

yousankmybattleship · 17/05/2013 17:29

You feel sick? Really? Because a stranger took the time to talk to and entertain your son?

Really?

IneedAyoniNickname · 17/05/2013 17:29

Op, I understand your feelings, although they are most likely irrational.

My brother used to own a pub in a lovely rural village. Last year we were staying there for a real ale festival, when ds2 (who was 5) came over, pointed to a man I'd never seen before (and I know most of the locals as I spend a lot of time there), and said "hes my best.friend, so I let him take my picture on the bouncy castle"
I'll admit i was a bit worried, so I spoke to another family member who lives there, she said "oh don't worry about him, he's the lead singer of " as if that makes him safe. Actually, having then spent time chatting to this man, I did feel he was trustworthy, and all he has is a picture of my fully clothed son.

However, my mum is convinced he may have taken the picture, so that ds can be kidnapped to order!

Honestly op, I wouldn't worry. :)

flanbase · 17/05/2013 17:29

I wouldn't want a strangers taking a photo of my child without asking me first. I think it very wrong to take a photo of specifically of someones child without asking the family if you don't know them.

jojane · 17/05/2013 17:30

When back packing around Thailand we were on a very long train journey and tere was a little Thai boy opposite us, we had grea fun playing with him and we took some pictures of him (we did ask parent pwmission though) and coz he thought it was amazing seeing himself on the screen. We still have theses photos, nothing sinister about it.
Likewise when dd was 1 she was chasing pigeons in tragalger square and entertaining 2 older ladies with her cuteness, they asked if they could take her picture and we didn't even think about it, just said yes

The way I see it a peadophile could have a long range lens and take a picture of your son from down the street if he really wanted to, he probably wouldn't be so brazen as to do it on a bus in front of the parent

flanbase · 17/05/2013 17:31

typing - I think it wrong that the person didn't ask the person responsible for the child first before taking the photo

DystopianReality · 17/05/2013 17:31

Oh dear,

This kind of reaction (and I'm not flaming you, OP) is as much a symptom of 'broken society' as crime. What leads to this kind of worry is an insidious, treacherous 'feeding the frenzy' attitude adopted by some very irresponsible and scare-mongering tabloids.

We must remember, that most people are good, crime is the same if not less than 40 years ago but that the fear of crime is greater.

Yes, some awful things happen but to adopt a cynical attitude to normal interactions and convey that to our children will cause a greater breakdown in society than our trying to adopt a sensible and caring attitude to our fellow human beings.

That said, it was possibly an ill-judged thing to photograh him but it was probably,as has been said, a grandad who is used to doing similar with his grandchildren, done in naivete but goodwill.

We must remember what is good in life and not just think about the dreadful stuff.

WowOoo · 17/05/2013 17:31

Don't worry.

I think it's horrible the way that anyone can take a picture of anyone these days. But don't get stressed about it. Nothing bad will happen, OK!?

insancerre · 17/05/2013 17:32

oh ffs
get a grip on reality
do you expect every person who looks at your children to do so with their eyes closed, just in case they can see them or worse, remember them afterwards?

DIYapprentice · 17/05/2013 17:32

any mum would feel the same right?

Erm... no. When DS1 was about 2 he was running around chasing pigeons outside a popular city church which is also a tourist attraction, dressed in a little suit, looking utterly adorable. There was a whole gaggle of tourists taking photos of him while he was doing this - I thought it was sweet, tbh.

ELR · 17/05/2013 17:33

I don't think you are over reacting or have done anything wrong.
You made a judgement call and let your son sit with someone within sight and earshot and the picture taking may or may not be innocent.
If its not and its something sinister then it's not your fault. Yes, maybe you should have seen it but you didn't so don't beat yourself up
If you get flamed then the people flaming you are being unreasonable and I suggest you ignore them.
I would try not to worry about the picture chances are its just an innocent old man trying to make your son laugh as far as your son is aware he had a great time on the bus.

SayMama · 17/05/2013 17:33

He sounds like a nice man to be honest.

cheeseandchive · 17/05/2013 17:33

arf, Jamie, if I had a dog I'd let you stoke it. I'd even let you take a photo as long as you deleted it afterwards

Afraid not, the OP is literally this upset because someone took a photo of DS.

BreeVanDerTramp · 17/05/2013 17:33

I think the OP is getting a hard time, but then AIBU seems to be full of people looking to kick you when your down Hmm

I take it to mean your worried if you missed him taking a pic you could have missed something worse?

I'm sure the man was being kind, the majority of people are! Especially since he showed your DS the pic, he must have known you could have noticed.

It's Friday night, it's been a shit week have a Wine

flanbase · 17/05/2013 17:33

It's the action of taking the photo when the parent didn't know until her son told her.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 17/05/2013 17:34

This is why I blank all children (then get called a mardy old cow for ignoring pfb's)!

LaGuardia · 17/05/2013 17:34

And what you like to do about the CCTV footage the bus company have of your journey? The movements of your family is recorded every time you are in a public place. I am completely mystified by your reaction.

Tee2072 · 17/05/2013 17:35

No response from OP?

Not surprising.

ZZZenagain · 17/05/2013 17:36

having given it some thought, I suppose people could take the photo of a face of 1 dc and superimpose it over another picture of a body. I don't know if this happens much at all and I really don't think this sounds likely though in your case OP.

flanbase · 17/05/2013 17:37

I am surprised that people can' t see that it's a stranger on the bus who doesn't ask the mother first

flanbase · 17/05/2013 17:38

you are not being unreasonable op

Tee2072 · 17/05/2013 17:38

CCTV takes our picture all day every day. Without our permission, flanbase.

What exactly is different about this?