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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that university graduation teams should cater for separated families?

249 replies

DisappointedGraduate · 17/05/2013 13:50

I will be graduating from medical school this summer and have been unable to secure an extra ticket. I therefore must tell either my Dmum, DSdad or Ddad that they cannot attend the ceremony. It's a long story, detailed in the below letter that I sent to the university, but the short of it is:

In this day and age, when many people who are graduating come from separated families, shouldn't universities make allowances to ensure that all of a graduates direct family i.e. parents & spouse can attend?

For anyone interested, below is my full story:

Dear Graduation Team,

I am writing to express my regret and dissappointment with the extremely poor organisation that has taken place regarding the ticket sales for ceremony 12

Due to the 'technical difficulties' I was unable to buy an extra ticket when they were supposed to go on sale last week. As it was so important to my family to get an extra ticket, I have been sat at a computer in the medical school constantly refreshing the graduation ticket sales page since 8.30am this morning.

Bang on 9am the site shut down due to 'high traffic', displaying the message in the screenshot attached to this email. I then constantly refreshed the page and tried restarting Internet Explorer all to no avail. I called the graduation team at 10.05am to be told that the extra tickets had sold out, however broadcast tickets were still available to purchased online. I tried to explain that for me, the site was not working (screenshot) and in this time the broadcast tickets also sold out.

I feel let down by the graduation team on three fronts:

Firstly: I imagine that demand for graduation tickets for medical school graduates is always high, as was the experience of collegues in the past two years of graduates. Therefore it would seem sensible to arrange a venue more suitable to meeting the demand for this particular cohort of students or to split the cohort into two ceremonies. The graduation team member that I spoke to on the phone said that uptake of tickets is variable, which I imagine to be true for other courses, but am highly sceptical that this is the case for medical graduations.

Secondly: I had anticipated a fair first-come first-served basis for buying tickets. This is not the case if the Graduation website is not built to be capable of sustaining the anticipated volume of traffic, so that not all students have a fair chance of accessing the site. This problem became apparent when the tickets first went on sale last week and obviously had not been sufficiently rectified before ticket sales were opened up again this morning, as evidenced by my experience.

Finally: In order to be at my computer at 9am (two weeks in a row), I have had to be late for an important clinical placement. Medical students on their medical assistantship placements (as half of them all will be) are expected to work the hours of a professional junior doctor. Opening up ticket sales when half of medical students should be on the ward seeing patients is at best unfair to the half of the medical student body on their Mast placement and at worse encouraging them to overlook their professional responsibilities. I was able to work late a previous evening (time away from my daugher) in order to be late this morning to buy tickets - not all Mast students would be able to do this.

I am in a situation, like many other students, whereby I come from a split family. I have a mother, a step-father and a father who have all equally been parents to me throughout my life. I also have a husband and daughter, however had already made the tough decision that my parents would have priority for attending the ceremony. I am therefore now in the impossible situation of telling one of my parents that they cannot attend my graduation. This is causing more heartbreak than the amount of joy that attending such an event is supposed to cause.

I am the first person in my family to attend university and during my time in medical school had to have surgery for endometriosis (a condition that threatened my fertility) and, on the advice of specialists, I conceived during medical school and went on to have my daughter. Completing medical school with my medical problems and a young baby has been long and very difficult and I am overjoyed to finally be able to graduate. It is such a shame that an organisational error and poor foresight on behalf of the graduation team has dampened this acheivement. I am not telling you this as a 'sob story' to try to make you magic tickets that do not exist. I am not that naive. Instead I am trying to make you understand that the students you are dealing with are real people with complicated lives and not just entitled individuals wanting their second cousins etc to attend.

In this day and age, I imagine it is very common for students to have more than two parents, not to mention spouses, and believe that it is the graduation teams responsibilty to understand and accomodate this.

The ideal outcome to these issues would be for the graduation team to increase the amount of tickets available by either splitting the cohort into two ceremonies or moving the ceremony to a larger venue, however I imagine that this is unachievable at this late date.

Therefore, I hope that this email provides food for thought and enables to graduation team to make much needed improvements to their services to avoid this level of upset and dissappointment for future years.

Kind Regards,

Disappointed Graduate

OP posts:
Dahlen · 17/05/2013 15:46

I think you've had a hard time on this thread OP. I can totally understand your disappointment and frustration, although I can't see any realistic solution to it other than maybe allocate every student the same number of non-transferable tickets automatically.

FWIW, graduation ceremonies are really boring. I didn't bother with my second.

But congratulations and well done anyway.

ComposHat · 17/05/2013 15:48

YABU, ridiculous and puffed up with your own self imprtance - equally you could say they don't cater for those with lots of siblings or whatever. I imagine whoever sent the letter to is pissing themselves laughing or chucked it in the bin after the first paragraph.

Other people will have people are relatives who will miss out (God knows why, they are as dull as ditch water) it usually takes a few hours.

So why not hang around with your parents and step parents before the ceremony (assuming relations are convivial) and then go into the ceremony with your parents and then meet them outside the venue for photographs.

ArbitraryUsername · 17/05/2013 15:48

OP: the team at the registry will probably have had other irate emails and phone calls too. Don't panic too much. There's something about finishing a degree that makes it very difficult for students to look beyond themselves (I'd imagine it's the stress and pressure). My final year students have been a bloody nightmare all year (you'd think no one had ever been in the final year of a degree before the way they've all been acting); at least you've only gone a bit bonkers when it came to graduation tickets,

UniTooLong · 17/05/2013 15:52

I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel annoyed, especially about your time being wasted. I work in a university and the people you sent this to won't be unduly affected. Some of the commenters imply that you're making a personal criticism. Given the sheer scale of universities now, that's not how it will be read - if anybody pays any attention at all it will be to see if there have been any procedural mistakes at their end.

You are perhaps unreasonable to be spending so much time overthinking this. What difference does it make now? And why are you asking for permission to make a fuss? You also sound too anxious about your parents' disappointment. There is nothing you can do about this; sit back, and let them make a fuss of you and show you how proud they are.

Lomaamina · 17/05/2013 15:52

OP, the spell-checker is your friend (you did have two typos). My suggested corrected text; I think the italics paragraph sounded as if you were criticising again, so I've rephrased as a request for help:

Dear Graduation Team,

Please accept my sincere apologies for the initial email that I sent to you on 15th May which I'm ashamed to say was an emotional rant sent in the heat of the moment, on finding that I would not be able to secure an extra graduation ticket.

My individual situation is not the concern of the graduation team and I am sorry for detailing it.

I do appreciate the hard work and effort that the graduation team is putting into what must be an organisational nightmare.

May I enquire about the arrangements for booking additional tickets? Evidently there is a problem ? either with my computer set-up ? or with the system, that may occur again if you release further tickets for sale. If there is any guidance you can give me to any alternative routes for obtaining an additional ticket, I would be very grateful.

Thank you for your time.

Yours truly,

Disappointed Graduand

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 17/05/2013 15:53

OP.

I think your follow on email is spot on. I would leave it as a simple apology and would omit the italic'ed bit.

I really wouldn't worry about your first email too much. It was a bit rant'y but you were not rude. unlike a lot of people on this thread Smile

TheChaoGoesMu · 17/05/2013 15:54

I can see why you are upset op. it is a shame when you want those closest to you to come and see you graduate. But to offer more seats would be expensive and not practical. Can you get a video of the event to show those who couldn't come?
Congrats on your graduation.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 15:54

Thank you Lomaamina, your paragraph is much better than mine.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 17/05/2013 15:55

Lomaamina 's amendment is really good.

Send it and forget about it.

Ilikethebreeze · 17/05/2013 15:55

That second email looked fine to me.
Wouldnt use the italics personally.
[I feel like I am checking my own childrens' emails!]

I expect it has already been mentioned on here,and you are probably very aware, that anyone else who wants to go to the ceremony, watches on a screen elsewhere,nearby, with hundreds of other people.
It isnt too bad, and the ceremony is only part of the day.

As regards which parent, if you do not get an extra ticket, they may have to dice for it.

scampidoodle · 17/05/2013 15:58

OP, sorry if this has already been covered (just skimmed through the middle pages) but if you are hoping to take your daughter in to the ceremony, please check first that you are allowed to take children in. A lot of universities, including the one I worked at, won't let younger children in.

We used to get people turning up on the day with their children and expecting staff to look after them when we pointed out that they weren't admitted. Unfortunately all that happened was that another member of their party had to miss the ceremony and sit outside with the children.

Habbibu · 17/05/2013 15:59

I used to work in university admin (wouldn't say I was underpaid either!), and I would have really appreciated that apology. Yours won't be the worst letter they'll have had! The reworded version that Loma put up before is better. I guess next time write your rant in Word, and don't send it. Congratulations on passing your degree, and don't let family bickering spoil it for you. I'd just send an email to all of them, saying, "I'm only allocated 2 tickets, sort it out amongst yourselves. See you there. "

cheeseandchive · 17/05/2013 16:00

DG, I just had a go at re-wording, not cause there was anything wrong with it but just cause I like doing it! Feel free to totally reject it or use any bits you want.

Dear Graduation Team,

Please accept my sincere apologies for the initial email that I sent to you on 15th May which I'm ashamed to say was an emotional rant sent in the heat of the moment, on finding that I would not be able to secure an extra graduation ticket. I understand my individual situation, whilst important to me, is similar to that experienced by thousands of students during the rush for tickets and is not the concern of the graduation team and I apologise for detailing it.

I do appreciate the hard work and effort that the graduation team is putting into what must be an extremely challenging event, and I look forward to attending in X (insert month here)

Whilst many points in my previous letter can be disregarded, I am still concerned that access to the site during ticket sales were restricted for many students. I hope that my bringing it to your attention has been useful for you and that the system can be improved for the use of future students

Thank you for your time.

Kind Regards,

Disappointed Graduand

UniTooLong · 17/05/2013 16:01

I wouldn't apologise. Just forget about this. I used to be an over-apologiser, & having seen it in others realised it just makes you look even more neurotic. Are you expecting a reply letting you off the hook? You are just clogging up their inboxes as well as wasting your own emotional energy.

cheeseandchive · 17/05/2013 16:02

Oops sorry, just seen lots of re-wording going on already!

Compos, the OP has realised she was being U (very graciously, as someone previously mentioned) and is now drafting a letter of apology

FobblyWoof · 17/05/2013 16:03

I had all my family, including ex-cousins once removed, with me when I graduated with my David Beckham degree. Grin

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 17/05/2013 16:05

Ohh, I really like cheese 's rewrite.......

ComposHat · 17/05/2013 16:07

sorry cheese I subsequently read the whole thread...fair play to her.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 16:08

Thank you everybody, I've resent the email.

I don't understand why I'm so upset about something that I logically know is fairly trivial. I'm still crying my eyes out and feel really really upset and like I want to be swallowed into a hole and never come out (don't worry mumsnetters, I wouldn't tell anyone about these melodramatic thoughts in real life).

I managed to sort myself out yesterday and get to the ward and I need to do the same shortly as I'm on nights tonight.

I can't bare the thought of having to explain to my Ddad that my Dmum and DSdad should be the ones to go as they've been so supportive during a rubbish time. It's not that he'll really want to watch the event itself, it's that he'll see it as me choosing my DSdad over him.

overprotection · 17/05/2013 16:08

tl;dr.

I expect whoever received your letter will draw the same conclusion.

Ilikethebreeze · 17/05/2013 16:11

You are overtired.
And you are having to make a hard emotional decision.
They should all be able to understand that it is a tough call.

Habbibu · 17/05/2013 16:13

That's crap. Horrible for you to be put in that position. But none of that is your doing, and your dad is an adult, ffs.

Madamecastafiore · 17/05/2013 16:16

Seriously WTF, hilarious, what have your medical problems got to do with getting extra tickets?

Chris Hoy's family only got 2 tickets to his events in the Olympics and he made less fuss than you are making!!!

Madamecastafiore · 17/05/2013 16:18

And if this makes you flip out think about using your degree in a non patient facing field or you are gonna be a nightmare when you start work!

Habbibu · 17/05/2013 16:18

Op has apologised and calmed down, madame. Isn't i itjust as quick to check the end of a thread before posting?

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