Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that university graduation teams should cater for separated families?

249 replies

DisappointedGraduate · 17/05/2013 13:50

I will be graduating from medical school this summer and have been unable to secure an extra ticket. I therefore must tell either my Dmum, DSdad or Ddad that they cannot attend the ceremony. It's a long story, detailed in the below letter that I sent to the university, but the short of it is:

In this day and age, when many people who are graduating come from separated families, shouldn't universities make allowances to ensure that all of a graduates direct family i.e. parents & spouse can attend?

For anyone interested, below is my full story:

Dear Graduation Team,

I am writing to express my regret and dissappointment with the extremely poor organisation that has taken place regarding the ticket sales for ceremony 12

Due to the 'technical difficulties' I was unable to buy an extra ticket when they were supposed to go on sale last week. As it was so important to my family to get an extra ticket, I have been sat at a computer in the medical school constantly refreshing the graduation ticket sales page since 8.30am this morning.

Bang on 9am the site shut down due to 'high traffic', displaying the message in the screenshot attached to this email. I then constantly refreshed the page and tried restarting Internet Explorer all to no avail. I called the graduation team at 10.05am to be told that the extra tickets had sold out, however broadcast tickets were still available to purchased online. I tried to explain that for me, the site was not working (screenshot) and in this time the broadcast tickets also sold out.

I feel let down by the graduation team on three fronts:

Firstly: I imagine that demand for graduation tickets for medical school graduates is always high, as was the experience of collegues in the past two years of graduates. Therefore it would seem sensible to arrange a venue more suitable to meeting the demand for this particular cohort of students or to split the cohort into two ceremonies. The graduation team member that I spoke to on the phone said that uptake of tickets is variable, which I imagine to be true for other courses, but am highly sceptical that this is the case for medical graduations.

Secondly: I had anticipated a fair first-come first-served basis for buying tickets. This is not the case if the Graduation website is not built to be capable of sustaining the anticipated volume of traffic, so that not all students have a fair chance of accessing the site. This problem became apparent when the tickets first went on sale last week and obviously had not been sufficiently rectified before ticket sales were opened up again this morning, as evidenced by my experience.

Finally: In order to be at my computer at 9am (two weeks in a row), I have had to be late for an important clinical placement. Medical students on their medical assistantship placements (as half of them all will be) are expected to work the hours of a professional junior doctor. Opening up ticket sales when half of medical students should be on the ward seeing patients is at best unfair to the half of the medical student body on their Mast placement and at worse encouraging them to overlook their professional responsibilities. I was able to work late a previous evening (time away from my daugher) in order to be late this morning to buy tickets - not all Mast students would be able to do this.

I am in a situation, like many other students, whereby I come from a split family. I have a mother, a step-father and a father who have all equally been parents to me throughout my life. I also have a husband and daughter, however had already made the tough decision that my parents would have priority for attending the ceremony. I am therefore now in the impossible situation of telling one of my parents that they cannot attend my graduation. This is causing more heartbreak than the amount of joy that attending such an event is supposed to cause.

I am the first person in my family to attend university and during my time in medical school had to have surgery for endometriosis (a condition that threatened my fertility) and, on the advice of specialists, I conceived during medical school and went on to have my daughter. Completing medical school with my medical problems and a young baby has been long and very difficult and I am overjoyed to finally be able to graduate. It is such a shame that an organisational error and poor foresight on behalf of the graduation team has dampened this acheivement. I am not telling you this as a 'sob story' to try to make you magic tickets that do not exist. I am not that naive. Instead I am trying to make you understand that the students you are dealing with are real people with complicated lives and not just entitled individuals wanting their second cousins etc to attend.

In this day and age, I imagine it is very common for students to have more than two parents, not to mention spouses, and believe that it is the graduation teams responsibilty to understand and accomodate this.

The ideal outcome to these issues would be for the graduation team to increase the amount of tickets available by either splitting the cohort into two ceremonies or moving the ceremony to a larger venue, however I imagine that this is unachievable at this late date.

Therefore, I hope that this email provides food for thought and enables to graduation team to make much needed improvements to their services to avoid this level of upset and dissappointment for future years.

Kind Regards,

Disappointed Graduate

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 17/05/2013 15:06

By the way- I don't think they will be laughing at the graduate office, I know people that work in ours and this time of year is simply manic for them, imagine coordinating 16-20 ceremonies, with all the honorary guests, plus all the academics (who don't know if they are going/can't remember what gown is the right one/don't book their gowns/late for the ceremony),plus people coming from all over the world now we have so many international students. It's not a fun job and I would personally ring them up, explain you sent the letter in haste because you were upset, that you appreciate what a great job they are doing, and what could you do now to secure an extra ticket (someone suggested waiting list, turn up on day)?

If you want something like an extra ticket, being very very nice works better than complaining like a disgruntled customer when you have no rights in this situation to an extra ticket.

UptheChimney · 17/05/2013 15:09

From the responses, I imagine that no one here ever overreacts or gets upset about things that other people think are silly

Oh, I regularly get het up about stuff. I just try not to act on it in public, nor ask other people if I'm being unreasonable when the grown up bit of my brain knows jolly well that I'm being unreasonable.

We all overreact; it's how we deal with it that's important.

I just feel sorry for the underpaid university admin staff who will have to grit their teeth and answer your email politely. What I really hope is that you didn't send it.

UptheChimney · 17/05/2013 15:11

It's the fact that I will be made (by family) to pick which of my parents doesn't go which, in my family, will be seen as though I love that person less. This is the difficult bit that made me emotional

That's you family's problem, not that of the University. Universities are underfunded & stretched. hat a pity you're causing them to use up more of those scarce resources of staff time.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 15:13

I would personally ring them up, explain you sent the letter in haste because you were upset, that you appreciate what a great job they are doing, and what could you do now to secure an extra ticket (someone suggested waiting list, turn up on day)?

I don't think ringing would be a good idea as I'm still feeling emotional about it and don't want to cry on the phone, however may well send an apologetic follow up letter along those lines. Thank you.

With regards to getting an extra ticket, there are no waiting lists: if any more become available they'll send an email to everyone and it'll be the same system where they go on sale at x time. In theory this is a fair system, however not so if the website does not let you access it.

BalloonSlayer · 17/05/2013 15:14

Have you really sent that letter?

< gapes >

It's so dull and ranty. Did you really need to start telling them all about your endometriosis? Confused

Shame you didn't post here first. I'd have suggested a heartfelt phone call to someone in the know who might have been able to swing you an extra ticket and an emphatic Do. Not. Send. That. Awful. Letter.

DoctorDoctor · 17/05/2013 15:16

I am now impressed with the generosity of my current workplace! I have just double-checked and our graduation tickets are still free, though no-one is allowed more than the stated 2 guest tickets.

Agree with mumsyblouse that being nice is likely to win you more friends in the graduation organising team than complaining. I'm noting at this point that although I wrote a long reply to you (granted, I chose to do this) and included several hopefully helpful suggestions, you haven't responded to that other than with a one-liner saying you do have to pay for your tickets. I imagine these people skills of yours will serve you well as a medical professional Hmm.

Lomaamina · 17/05/2013 15:19

"... to ensure less people are disappointed."

WIBU in pointing out that a doctor (to be) should know it is fewer Wink?

rainingcatsandsprogs · 17/05/2013 15:21

Lomaamina - unless she means only people's legs would be disappointed? :)

Lomaamina · 17/05/2013 15:24

... and I do sympathise with your predicament, OP: having suffered with endometriosis throughout my PhD, I too see my graduation as a marker of achievement. I think the posters have been a bit hard on you regarding your ranty letter, but I'd just focus on the fact on your achievements and not worry about the ceremony, tickets, etc. If not everyone can be there (1 more ticket wouldn't really cut it, would it?) why not focus on a big family celebration afterwards, as everyone else has advised?

Wishing you better health.

Lomaamina · 17/05/2013 15:25

raining Grin

I've been frantically checking my follow-on post in case I made any errars in my ritting meself

cheeseandchive · 17/05/2013 15:26

I was about to write a very blunt response, but have since seen you've realised YABU!

Well done on graduating, hope it all works out OP.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 15:27

Doctordoctor Apologies for the brief reply, I am currently composing a follow up email to the graduation team, hence have not yet written a more in depth reply.

I appreciate the time that you have taken to reply to my post, particularly that you were more supportive than other posters. I have taken your points on board.

WIBU in pointing out that a doctor (to be) should know it is fewer YANBU.

LoveItLongTime · 17/05/2013 15:29

Take your partner and daughter. Take parents out for a meal afterwards.

I totally understand your upset, and think the letter, although a bit ranty, was an appropriate way for you to let out your anger. They can either act on it (doubtful) or not, but it hasn't done any harm.

What will have done harm, however, is the horrible responses on this thread. I hope you haven't taken it to heart and let it upset you more than you already are.

Lomaamina · 17/05/2013 15:29

You're very gracious Disappointed in receiving criticism. Feel free to post a draft of your follow up email if you want soundings. We'll be gentle Grin.

flanbase · 17/05/2013 15:31

Well done on your studies. The space of the venue has to be account for in this.

Astley · 17/05/2013 15:32

Wow! Bit of an over reaction....

And I still think it's the norm for just the 2 parents to go to graduation. I had plenty of friends wit step parents, but none of them came even though they could have bought extra tickets. I don't think step parents need to be factored into everything.

flanbase · 17/05/2013 15:33

You are not being unreasonable to ask for an extra ticket. If something isn't right then it's always good to point it out and see if the situation can be resolved

ArbitraryUsername · 17/05/2013 15:40

In my experience, all students think their personal circumstances or those of their cohort are uniquely difficult. And you seem to be the same. Students are automatically entitled to 2 tickets. That means that loads of people will have had to decide between their parents and their partner (and a range of other similar decisions). That's pretty standard. Getting a degree is a big deal for all of the students graduating and marks the end of hard work and stress and worry. Many other people have work commitments that will mean they missed the extra ticket release too. Many other people will have illnesses during their degree programmes, or myriad other reasons why the graduation day is particularly special to them. The poor staff in the registry have to put up with thousands of people who all think their circumstances are uniquely important.

Also, technically you are a disappointed graduand not graduate. You aren't a graduate until you've actually graduated.

slug · 17/05/2013 15:42

Check with the events team at your university. At ours we have an overflow room for the unticketed, the infirm and the children. We live stream the ceremony and, if the budget allows, provide water and nibbles to keep the children quiet It's cooler and more comfortable than the main venue with the added advantage of being able to move around more easily.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 15:42

Follow up email first draft:

Dear Graduation Team,

Please accept my sincere apologies for the initial email that I sent to you on 15th May which I'm ashamed to say was an emotional rant sent in the heat of the moment, on finding that I would not be able to secure an extra graduation ticket.

My individual situation is not the concern of the graduation team and I am sorry for detailing it.

I do appreciate the hard work and effort that the graduation team is putting into what must be an organistional nightmare.

My only remaining complaint is that it was not possible to access the site when the tickets became available for sale. As you can see from the screenshot in my original email, it was unaccessible. If the site cannot continue to remain available due to high volumes of traffic, so that only some of the people attempting to get tickets can access it, then that is not a fair system. Hopefully this will be rectified before further tickets go on sale for other ceremonies.

Thank you for your time.

Kind Regards,

Disappointed Graduand

I'm not sure whether I should put the paragraph in italics in, or whether I should leave the email purely apologetic. Thoughts? Any grammar/spelling errors? Wink

moggle · 17/05/2013 15:43

I've had to pay £30 a ticket for my graduation in September, including for my own ticket Shock! I can't believe it was so much. I have graduated twice before and have never had to pay to attend; think we got 2 free tickets for my first degree, my Masters I paid £10 a head for guests and was able to get 3. Nearly had a heart attack over the prices for this one, maybe it's because I'm in London. And of course you have to pay for gown hire, and this time around mine are truly hideous colours. I was actually not going to bother this time but my Dad was really keen, so got tickets for my parents and husband.

OP you did overreact sending the email but most of us have been there in one way or another! Best advice really is not to react to any situation that's got you upset until after a good night's sleep, if possible! I did actually write a message on my university's FB page about their pricing, and got a semi grovelly response muttering about venue costs. I had a studentship for my PhD - but I feel really bad for current undergrad students at the university who pay so much for their degrees and then get blasted with such a big charge to enjoy their graduation. I just feel it leaves a bad last taste in the mouth for them at the end of so much hard work, I know where I'd tell the uni to stick it when they started calling for alumni donations!!

whois · 17/05/2013 15:44

Oh FFS OP, massively lame post. What about someone that wants their brother, sister, partner, auntie, best mate, pet goldfish to come?

Two tickets. Each. Deal with it.

ArbitraryUsername · 17/05/2013 15:44

Although I see you've already changed your name to reflect your not yet graduated status.

Honestly, you can have a big family celebration after the ceremony. Ad do photos with everyone in your gown, etc.

I didn't invite either of my parents to my PhD graduation ceremony. DH and the kids used the two tickets (DS2 was a baby). My dad has never been to any of my graduations.

whois · 17/05/2013 15:45

Oh, I see OP has come back with a new email! Fair one.

EldritchCleavage · 17/05/2013 15:45

It's the fact that I will be made (by family) to pick which of my parents doesn't go which, in my family, will be seen as though I love that person less. This is the difficult bit that made me emotional

Bloody hell, poor you, no wonder you got het up when you couldn't get the extra ticket. What a trio of bastards. Could you sack them all off and take a couple of friends?

Swipe left for the next trending thread