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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that university graduation teams should cater for separated families?

249 replies

DisappointedGraduate · 17/05/2013 13:50

I will be graduating from medical school this summer and have been unable to secure an extra ticket. I therefore must tell either my Dmum, DSdad or Ddad that they cannot attend the ceremony. It's a long story, detailed in the below letter that I sent to the university, but the short of it is:

In this day and age, when many people who are graduating come from separated families, shouldn't universities make allowances to ensure that all of a graduates direct family i.e. parents & spouse can attend?

For anyone interested, below is my full story:

Dear Graduation Team,

I am writing to express my regret and dissappointment with the extremely poor organisation that has taken place regarding the ticket sales for ceremony 12

Due to the 'technical difficulties' I was unable to buy an extra ticket when they were supposed to go on sale last week. As it was so important to my family to get an extra ticket, I have been sat at a computer in the medical school constantly refreshing the graduation ticket sales page since 8.30am this morning.

Bang on 9am the site shut down due to 'high traffic', displaying the message in the screenshot attached to this email. I then constantly refreshed the page and tried restarting Internet Explorer all to no avail. I called the graduation team at 10.05am to be told that the extra tickets had sold out, however broadcast tickets were still available to purchased online. I tried to explain that for me, the site was not working (screenshot) and in this time the broadcast tickets also sold out.

I feel let down by the graduation team on three fronts:

Firstly: I imagine that demand for graduation tickets for medical school graduates is always high, as was the experience of collegues in the past two years of graduates. Therefore it would seem sensible to arrange a venue more suitable to meeting the demand for this particular cohort of students or to split the cohort into two ceremonies. The graduation team member that I spoke to on the phone said that uptake of tickets is variable, which I imagine to be true for other courses, but am highly sceptical that this is the case for medical graduations.

Secondly: I had anticipated a fair first-come first-served basis for buying tickets. This is not the case if the Graduation website is not built to be capable of sustaining the anticipated volume of traffic, so that not all students have a fair chance of accessing the site. This problem became apparent when the tickets first went on sale last week and obviously had not been sufficiently rectified before ticket sales were opened up again this morning, as evidenced by my experience.

Finally: In order to be at my computer at 9am (two weeks in a row), I have had to be late for an important clinical placement. Medical students on their medical assistantship placements (as half of them all will be) are expected to work the hours of a professional junior doctor. Opening up ticket sales when half of medical students should be on the ward seeing patients is at best unfair to the half of the medical student body on their Mast placement and at worse encouraging them to overlook their professional responsibilities. I was able to work late a previous evening (time away from my daugher) in order to be late this morning to buy tickets - not all Mast students would be able to do this.

I am in a situation, like many other students, whereby I come from a split family. I have a mother, a step-father and a father who have all equally been parents to me throughout my life. I also have a husband and daughter, however had already made the tough decision that my parents would have priority for attending the ceremony. I am therefore now in the impossible situation of telling one of my parents that they cannot attend my graduation. This is causing more heartbreak than the amount of joy that attending such an event is supposed to cause.

I am the first person in my family to attend university and during my time in medical school had to have surgery for endometriosis (a condition that threatened my fertility) and, on the advice of specialists, I conceived during medical school and went on to have my daughter. Completing medical school with my medical problems and a young baby has been long and very difficult and I am overjoyed to finally be able to graduate. It is such a shame that an organisational error and poor foresight on behalf of the graduation team has dampened this acheivement. I am not telling you this as a 'sob story' to try to make you magic tickets that do not exist. I am not that naive. Instead I am trying to make you understand that the students you are dealing with are real people with complicated lives and not just entitled individuals wanting their second cousins etc to attend.

In this day and age, I imagine it is very common for students to have more than two parents, not to mention spouses, and believe that it is the graduation teams responsibilty to understand and accomodate this.

The ideal outcome to these issues would be for the graduation team to increase the amount of tickets available by either splitting the cohort into two ceremonies or moving the ceremony to a larger venue, however I imagine that this is unachievable at this late date.

Therefore, I hope that this email provides food for thought and enables to graduation team to make much needed improvements to their services to avoid this level of upset and dissappointment for future years.

Kind Regards,

Disappointed Graduate

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 17/05/2013 14:20

I hope you haven't actually sent it Op.
It makes you look like a fool.

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 17/05/2013 14:22

Whilst at university I had small children, health problems (many, including cancer), two close family bereavements and was going through divorce and a house move.

I call bingo and I win.

You really have made yourself look entitled and really rather immature.

kritur · 17/05/2013 14:23

Just wanted to point out that you aren't a graduate until you actually graduate. On the day you are a 'graduand'.

It's disappointing but that's life I'm afraid. I would have a big celebratory lunch for everyone to make up for it.

UptheChimney · 17/05/2013 14:23

I realise my letter was a bit of a thoughtless rant, unfortunately it was written when I was a bit of an emotional wreck

Good lord! And you're going to be a medico? I think you still have a fair bit to learn ...

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 17/05/2013 14:24

I bet you want to be a consultant with the sense of entitlement you're showing you'll fit right in.

YABVVVVVVU

Wouldntyouliketoknow · 17/05/2013 14:24

YABU. I'm also graduating this summer. Asked for 3 tickets, got 2. I think that's just par for the course to be honest - they're never going to be able to fit everyone in. The ceremony is only one hour, is very boring and chances are they won't be able to see properly anyway.

Enjoy the rest of the day with your other family members.

Mumsyblouse · 17/05/2013 14:24

I am not quite sure why you think three tickets would be the right no for separated families- I have four parents and step-parents, some people have even more!

EldritchCleavage · 17/05/2013 14:25

On a more practical note, can't you talk to your parents and step-parent and ask what they'd all like to do? One of them will obviously have to miss out, but you may find they will sort it all out between them quite happily.

DaveDeeDozyBeakyMickAndTitch · 17/05/2013 14:25

Graduations are crap. I didn't even bother going to my second and third ones.

Rollmops · 17/05/2013 14:26

To quote "...How amazingly self absorbed and elitist of you! ..."

Self absorbed, yes, elitist, not a chance - OPs writing style makes it rather clearHmm.

However, congratulations on your graduation.

DisappointedGraduate · 17/05/2013 14:26

The parts about my personal situation are not intended for them to make any allowances for me (although, as I said, I wrote it in a silly emotional whir). The intention was to point out that all different people have different circumstances, which obviously didn't get across.

OP posts:
currentbuns · 17/05/2013 14:27

That letter is utterly OTT!

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 17/05/2013 14:27

My son is due to graduate this summer. Me and the ex are going to the ceremony, other kids are being entertained for the day and we are having a meal together afterwards with us, his siblings and his girlfriend's family.

He is then going to do medicine as a graduate. How many tickets would we need? There will be him, GF, me, exH, possibly partners, 4 siblings, grannies and grandpa, uncles, aunts, cousins. They should get a hall and a ceremony just for him Grin

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 17/05/2013 14:28

PS there's a spelling mistake in your letter. It's DISAPPOINTED. Not DISSAPOINTED.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 14:30

Just wanted to point out that you aren't a graduate until you actually graduate. On the day you are a 'graduand'.

You learn something new every day. Thank you.

DisappointedGraduand · 17/05/2013 14:30

PS there's a spelling mistake in your letter. It's DISAPPOINTED. Not DISSAPOINTED.

Buggar!

PickledLiver · 17/05/2013 14:32

Oh FFS. This is ridiculous. YABVU & I suspect you'll be having a rather large shock when you start as an F1.

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 17/05/2013 14:32

oh damn that capitals. YOu know what i MeaN

PickledLiver · 17/05/2013 14:32

And it's bugger not buggar.

PickledLiver · 17/05/2013 14:33
KentishWine · 17/05/2013 14:33

YABU - Lots of people will have more than 2 special people in their life. Your situation is not special or unique.

BottledWaterandFags · 17/05/2013 14:34

This reply has been deleted

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complexnumber · 17/05/2013 14:35

Good grief!

Please tell me you won't actually be responsible for treating another sick human being until you have properly grown up.

callofthewild · 17/05/2013 14:35

Whilst I can have some sympathy, the reality is that most people have more than two people they would like to invite but they get on with it, make a difficult decision and move on. You sound ridiculously entitled and self indulgent.

However, the part I take greatest exception to is your belief that only people who have done medical degrees have families who would like to attend their graduations over and above any other form of degree. Doing medicine does not make you some sort of demi god to be revered by the rest of society and of a higher status than anyone else. You need to get a proper grip of reality and take yourself down a peg or two.

KentishWine · 17/05/2013 14:39

I imagine that demand for graduation tickets for medical school graduates is always high

Yes, I imagine that parents of children who have studied 'lesser' subjects aren't that fussed to see their kids graduate!