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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To encourage my girls to do pageants?

175 replies

Sparklymommy · 16/05/2013 21:24

Ok, sure I am going to be blasted here, however:

I am in the UK, where the pageant scene isn't nearly as bad as it is in the USA. My daughters WANT to compete and ooze confidence and stage presence. They both already perform in dance festivals and talent shows and love the whole dressing up, being beautified thing. My eldest is 10, my youngest 4 next month.

I would never "expect" them to win, or put pressure on them if they didn't do well. I am not into "sexualising" them or turning them into mini adults I just think they would enjoy the experience and it would be good for them.

OP posts:
propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 16/05/2013 21:25

Yabu. You sad, sad woman Sad

Pozzled · 16/05/2013 21:26

Yabu.

Because you would be teaching them to judge themselves, and others, on appearances.

PoppyAmex · 16/05/2013 21:26

"It would be good for them"

No, it wouldn't. YABU.

gordyslovesheep · 16/05/2013 21:27

YABU I am guessing this would involve make up and posing and being judged on your 'beauty' - brilliant life lessons for girls right there

LindyHemming · 16/05/2013 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 16/05/2013 21:27

What Pozzled said.

Get them to aim for a good career that uses their brain. It is a much bigger favour to them.

AgentProvocateur · 16/05/2013 21:27

Yes, it would be really "good for them" Hmm

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 16/05/2013 21:28

If they're already doing dance shows and so on what's wrong with continuing those? At least the focus there is on their talent.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 16/05/2013 21:31

Yabu.

Really???

Sigh.

BackforGood · 16/05/2013 21:31

Can you explain in what way "it will be good for them" please ?

MumtoLaura · 16/05/2013 21:31

I would go for it if they would enjoy it. My Dd would love to try it too.

gordyslovesheep · 16/05/2013 21:33

are they the kind of dance shows that require them to wear neon lycra a face full of glitter, fake and and hold their legs over their heads ...if so - maybe pageants would be better?

ZZZenagain · 16/05/2013 21:33

You say they already "ooze confidence and stage presence. They both already perform in dance festivals and talent shows" so what would they get out of the pageants that they don't already have?

Do more drama, more dancing instead?

SlumberingDormouse · 16/05/2013 21:33

If they enjoy performing, encourage them to sing or learn an instrument. Pagentry is at best, empty; at worst, actively damaging.

boardingschoolbaby · 16/05/2013 21:33

I would always have been hugely anti pageants. However a couple of years ago one of the student teachers at school went home and entered her sister in the Belfast rose competition as joke. As revenge, her sister then entered her too. My friend ended up winning and is still having a fantastic time through this; there is so much more involved than I ever knew about, and she has been in a position to do a huge amount of high profile work for charities that are important to her. It would seem that not all of these competitions are solely about appearances and surprisingly (for me) there was a huge amount of weight placed on personality, values and general life skills that I would never have thought would be involved. I don't know if this particular one is different, or if perhaps these pageants are developing to be less one dimensional (or maybe they never were as one dimensional as I believed them to be).

gordyslovesheep · 16/05/2013 21:33

fake tan ! ffs

Cravingdairy · 16/05/2013 21:33

Your three year old 'WANT[S] to compete and ooze confidence and stage presence'? Are you sure?

SirBoobAlot · 16/05/2013 21:35

If you want them to maintain self confidence, don't enter them into this kind of bullshit.

Why teach them that the only thing that matters is their appearance? Surely everyone wants more than that for their children?

Jengnr · 16/05/2013 21:35

Course there is. Every beauty queen wants World Peace.

picnicbasketcase · 16/05/2013 21:36

I think it's sad that you think it's good for them to believe that their only value is in their looks. Putting makeup on children and dressing them up like adults is completely unnecessary and inappropriate.

ZZZenagain · 16/05/2013 21:36

don't these pageants get expensive with all the costumes, fake tans, make-up, nails and so on? Couldn't you imagine spending all that money on singing lessons, drama classes or something instead?

boardingschoolbaby · 16/05/2013 21:37

Haha, well yes there is of course the miss congeniality edge to it all....

ShadeofViolet · 16/05/2013 21:37

Pagents do sexualise young girls.

Its nasty, horrid stuff for people with little taste and no sense.

RubyOnRails · 16/05/2013 21:37

It's fucking shallow. Get them into drama if they ooze that much stage presence. They are inevitably being sexualised if they're coated in makeup etc.

stopmovingthefurniture · 16/05/2013 21:37

I really, seriously would not do this. Children grow affected and self conscious if they're scrutinised and encouraged to think how pretty/charming/talented they appear to others. If they have genuine skills in the arts, there are far, far better ways to develop those skills. I would also be very concerned that you will be leaving the door wide open to eating disorders in later life. Puberty will soon change your older daughter's body; this will probably be stressful enough without her thinking about pageants. Although I can see why you think it's nothing more than a nice experience, and it could be as a one off, I do think you're playing with fire. Fine to enjoy dressing up but learning to evaluate who is the 'best' is something you should be discouraging.