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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still feel really sh*t that I got asked if I was pg today...

73 replies

lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:08

by my tactless neighbour. This was a couple of hours back. She was just being gossipy, and I smiled and said through gritted teeth 'No I'm not expecting - I'm just fat'.
She didn't apologise - she just said 'oh I don't know why you're so big - you never stop do you?'. Then carried on telling me how her and her husband had been wondering for a while and wouldn't it be nice if we had another one.
I'm really down because of my problems with overeating at the moment. I am bigger than I've ever been in my life. My hair is falling out (I have alopecia) and I'm really sensitive about what I look like. She really got to me.
:(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/05/2013 18:13

Ouch!

I'm afraid I did this to someone years ago. I was absolutely sure that she was without doubt pregnant.

I've learned not to be so direct now as it was embarrassing for both of us.

Do you think you might be able to turn it into a positive? Maybe make a start on sorting out the over eating?

manicinsomniac · 15/05/2013 18:17

Gosh no, YANBU, I'd be absolutely gutted. I'm sorry that happened to you Sad

Original poster
lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:19

I just found out that she did it to a friend of mine too - so she hasn't learnt from her previous error!
I have an eating disorder. I'm trying very hard to sort out my problems with food. thanks you :)

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 15/05/2013 18:19

Oh no. You never ask, unless you see the head crowning, and even then you wait till the placenta is out.

Don't worry. So many of us have been there. I'm fairly curvy and just "lucky" that I'm so hourglass so it goes to my arse.

But my mother assures me that when the menopause hits, not only will I grow a beard but I will look 6 months gone.

Bring it on.

Not.

Original poster
lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:20

'thanks though' I meant - not 'thanks you'!

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 15/05/2013 18:21

Perhaps I can get a yellow stripey t shirt and do impressions of Jim Royal.

Original poster
lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:23

LOL Tatty

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/05/2013 18:24

Are you getting professional help with the eating disorder?

Original poster
lynniep · 15/05/2013 18:24

yup

OP posts:
likesnowflakesinanocean · 15/05/2013 18:24

cheeky bint , I have been asked a lot recently I wear a lot of floaty tops. I get super emvarrased and say god no when really I should say that since we lost mum I eat total crap just for comfort but I'm trying to break the cycle. I would never ask anyone that, keep doing what your doing and try to push her out of your mind. good luck with it too Smile

CruCru · 15/05/2013 18:28

I got asked this years ago by a shop assistant (when I was actually quite thin). She wasn't at all embarrassed and said, oh it's the way your jumper was hanging. Ugh. 10 years later (and now pregnant) I still remember it.

BastardDog · 15/05/2013 18:29

I'm sorry that happened to you. My cheeks still flame when I recall it happening to me. I'm a bit overweight and an apple shape. My slim legs and arms, but rounded middle mean its no big stretch of the imagination to think I'm pg.

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2013 18:30

Well that's something at least

Easier said than done but try to put it out of your mind. I doubt it was deliberate and the not apologising could have been embarrassment.

eccentrica · 15/05/2013 18:34

It happened to me at a book launch I was running, I was wearing my favourite dress and didn't think I looked big at all - I am bigger now, was only a size 10 then Sad

I didn't even get what the woman was saying for a minute, she was saying "oh yes you'll need a rest" and "you should stop carrying all those books" etc.Took me a while to catch on and then I was very upset. There were loads of people around who heard it and I had to remain professional.

I think in my case it's cos I've got slim arms and legs and face, but I find it almost impossible to get weight off my tummy. I've got a real fat belly even when I'm pretty thin overall.

Tailtwister · 15/05/2013 18:35

This happened to me not that long ago. The woman had been sitting opposite me during lunch and watched me drink 2 glasses of wine and she still thought I was pregnant. Stupid cow didn't even appear to be embarrassed by her mistake either.

People should learn to keep their idiotic questions to themselves. It's ridiculous that she's done it before and didn't learn from it too.

StuntGirl · 15/05/2013 18:39

My neighbour asked me the same thing. I am very much not pregnant. Daft cow should learn her lesson!

TiredFeet · 15/05/2013 18:46

Yanbu. It is an awful humiliating experience. People are idiots to assume anything. I am fairly slim but any weight gain goes to my stomach. I felt awful when someone commented, really awful. Ended up over exercising for a while as a result.

FingersCrossedLegsNot · 15/05/2013 18:48

This has happened to me a number if times and what makes it worse for me is that I am having fertility trouble Sad so it really stung. One woman in particular was making this big deal saying omg congrats your pregnant, I was just after having a chemical pregnancy and devastated. It is so inconsiderate!

WritermumK · 15/05/2013 18:48

I've had it too, when we were viewing a house. Was just because I'd eaten dinner and was bloated (Was only a 10/12) cried all the way home. Some people don't do tact. I would never dream of asking someone.

DrSeuss · 15/05/2013 18:54

Why would it be unreasonable to be upset because someone was really rude and tactless? And didn't even have the grace to apologise? I am sorry you had such a horrible experience.

munchkinmaster · 15/05/2013 18:57

The blokes from mamas and crapas came the other day to fix dds broken furniture and remarked they'd better get to it or baby will be here.

Eh no she's asleep in the sitting room and a fucking year old!

SconeInSixtySeconds · 15/05/2013 19:01

Aww lynniep, try not to take it to heart. I think in her own way maybe she was trying to be nice. She said you never stop so it's not like she's calling you a lazy arse, maybe she was hoping that you were pg in a vicarious ooh a lovely baby that would be nice type way.

You are not alone in the eating disorder arena, if you ever feel like a chat drop me a pm.

I was asked if I was pg when I very much wasn't. By a shop assistant. Very loudly. I was so Shock I went into some freaky Miranda moment and agreed that I was pg and looking forward to the birth.

But then I am weird. Grin

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/05/2013 19:01

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I've had to have a word with a friend recently. She loves asking directly, and managed to do so the week I mc, and bore the brunt of my devastated anger... So when she asked again a few months later I looked her straight in the eye and said "You remember what happened last time? You know it is really really rude to ask and none of your business?"

Hopefully it will have sunk in.

And yes, I let her find out from other people.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 15/05/2013 19:02

LOL about not asking til you see the head crowning Tatty

Even though I'm uber cautious (I think) I did ask someone once (Just another Mum I met at the summer fete, not anyone I knew thankfully) because I was certain and was just trying to make small talk. But I was wrong Blush
Never ask.

Slightly like when some bloke on the tube asked me if I was my son's granny. So, I tried to make the best of it and said "No, I did lots of other things before I had kids unlike you, you've probably already fathered a whole estate Grin

Better to take a less direct approach and satisfy your curiosity in a more round-about way.

lynniep - let us help you put it behind you. She was a very rude neighbour, especially the way she responded after she found out she was wrong.

ginmakesitallok · 15/05/2013 19:03

I've been asked when Im due loads of times - just goes over my head now. Only one that pissed me off was after I said "I'm not pregnant", they looked at me, silence for a second or two and then asked, "Are you sure??"

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